The Rape Of Susan Kelley
by Charles N. Fargo 


At age seventeen, Susan Kelley had experienced more sex and violence than 
most people encounter in a lifetime. The man who was married to her mother 
had repeatedly molested her during early childhood; she was raped at age 
sixteen, ran away from home, turned to prostitution to earn her living, and 
became an accessory in a brutal murder. Arrested, she is placed under the 
care of a psychiatrist and a social worker. The latter relates every minute 
detail of her sex-crammed life, and poses the question: Can Susan now live a 
"normal" existence? 


INTRODUCTION 

Due to the very nature of the work he does, a social worker runs into some 
of the weirdest, most perverted people on earth, and unless his senses are 
dead, he can hardly help but be affected by these people, no matter what 
they may have done; no matter what problems they may have. 

A social worker in a mental hospital often comes in contact with the 
strangest people of all. In the several years that I worked in association 
with Northfield State Hospital, I came into close contact with many strange 
types. I had-and still have-a lot of pity for these unfortunate individuals. 
The problems which many of them have are problems that the normal, healthy 
person will never face. The problems are often so complex that they may 
never cease to bother them, throughout their lives. In many cases, the goal 
of treatment in a hospital such as Northfield is to get people to live with, 
and understand, their problems. 

The social worker in a place like Northfield is there for a number of 
reasons. For one thing, he may marshal the community resources available to 
help the patients. Also, he is often the one who makes needed connections 
between the patient in the hospital and the factors outside the hospital 
which will affect-or have affected-the patient (such as lining up a job for 
a patient about to be released, or contacting a person who will let a 
released patient live in his home). 

Despite the multiplicity of cases on which I have worked, a few are 
especially memorable. I can recall a dozen or so cases which, for one reason 
or another, will always haunt me. 

The case of Susan Kelley is a good example. Possibly it was her youth-she 
was just seventeen when she came to my attention-which causes me to remember 
her. Or maybe it was that she had already had so many abnormal experiences 
in her life. Or maybe it was that she had been involved in a gruesome 
murder. Or maybe it was that her future was so unsure-so blackened by her 
past. Maybe it was all-or none-of these things. 

At any rate, her case is tragic by any standard. The tragedy of her past may 
well continue for many years-even for her entire life. By the time she was 
seventeen, her father had deserted the family. She had withdrawn into a 
private shell due to the lingering influence of her father. She had been 
raped. Her mother had (without Susan's knowledge) tried to marry her off. 
She had run away from home and become a prostitute, and had become involved 
in a murder. Susan Kelley is deserving of pity. 

Susan's case is an example of multiple actions and reactions, as are the 
cases of most people confined to mental hospitals. If we at first understand 
that actions and reactions play an important part in every person's life, 
then we can apply that concept to Susan's case to better understand why she 
did what she did. 

Actions and reactions. 

We human beings act and react to actions and or reactions directed at us. 
Each action we undertake is a response to some stimulus (i. e., another 
action). The action may be passive (a thought, a mumbled word, an attitude 
taken) or active (kicking a chair, a blow struck, a murder). We all act in 
reaction to something. 

As you, the reader, follow the account of Susan Kelley, her mother, and her 
father, keep in mind that Susan does not do what she does for no reason at 
all. Each move she makes is in response to preceding moves. Actions and 
reactions. 

 CHAPTER ONE 

FIRST LOVE 

The court had ordered Susan Kelley to be committed to Northfield State 
Hospital for thirty days of psychiatric examination due to the gruesomeness 
of the murder in which she had been involved. At Northfield it was to be 
determined whether Susan was legally sane, and a recommendation was to be 
made by the staff as to what should be done with her. To achieve these dual 
ends, a psychiatrist and I both interviewed and tested Susan. The following 
account was obtained through the interviews we had with her, as well as from 
the police report and interviews with certain other people (principally her 
mother) involved in the case. 

The story of Susan Kelley's first seventeen years of life is a story of 
twisted passions and abnormal emotions. The case does not begin with Susan 
herself, but rather with her father, Harry Kelley. 

Harry Kelley and his wife, June, had had another daughter before Susan. Her 
name was Alice. She was some eighteen years older than Susan. In fact, Alice 
really never knew Susan, because several months before Susan was born, Alice 
had eloped with a sailor named Jin Adams. 

Harry Kelley was depressed by this, for he loved Alice very much. He didn't 
understand why she would do this to him after all the love, all the gifts, 
and all the attention he had showered on her. Harry Kelley wanted his 
daughter to have a big church wedding when she got married. As it turned 
out, he wasn't even present for the wedding. In fact, all he ever knew of 
the wedding was a card he got from Alice two weeks after her elopement, 
saying that she and Jim had been married by a justice of the peace and would 
be living somewhere on the West Coast. And that was the last the Kelleys 
ever heard from Alice. 

While Harry Kelley was depressed and disappointed by Alice's elopement, his 
sadness did not last long. He had to wait only a few months for the birth of 
another daughter, whom he named Susan. In his eyes, Susan was a replacement 
for Alice. Harry could almost put Alice in a closed file of his mind now 
that he had an infant daughter to replace her. 

Actions and reactions. 

The Kelleys were somewhat old to have an infant child. At the time of 
Susan's birth in August, 1949, Harry Kelley was forty-eight and June Kelley 
thirty-nine. In their section of Seville, the medium-sized town where they 
lived, no other couple could lay claim to such a disparity of parent's and 
child's age; nor would others desire that questionable distinction. 

The Kelleys' might not have wished for another child either, but after the 
elopement of Alice, Harry was glad it had happened. He needed someone to 
fill the vacuum Alice's elopement created. Mrs. Kelley adapted herself to 
the loss of Alice; she did not need a replacement for her. But she 
understood her husband and understood why he did need someone to take 
Alice's place. 

Harry Kelley had devoted much of his energy to making Alice love him. He had 
come from a background where he was not loved, or even wanted. His parents, 
both drunkards, were only sporadically aware of his existence. From the time 
Harry was thirteen he had had to be virtually his own support. He had worked 
part time as a helper in a grocery store, had sold newspapers on a downtown 
street corner, and had worked in a lumber mill. In times of utter despair, 
he had oven stolen food from markets so that he and his parents would not 
starve. Eventually he landed a stockroom job with the Seville Manufacturing 
Company, a fairly large concern. That job gave Harry his first "big" income. 
He stayed with Seville Manufacturing for many years, and worked his way up 
through the ranks to certain supervisory jobs. 

Harry was sixteen when he got the job with Seville Manufacturing. He would 
have liked to move away from his parents' home, a shack on the outskirts of 
Seville, but they pleaded with him not to leave because they "would surely 
die" if he did. He was their sole support. Tiny depended on Harry for life 
itself. Harry succumbed to his parents' sobs and begging and continued to 
live at home, supporting them until he married. 

He met June in 1928 in a small Seville department store. Harry didn't have 
to try very hard to get June to marry him, for she-came from as sordid a 
background as he did. Her parents, too, were alcoholics and depended on her 
in part for their support. Harry and June made a pledge to not use alcohol, 
since they saw what it had done to their parents. It was a pledge they kept. 
They were married in late 1928. 

When Harry left his parent's home, he promised to send them money 
occasionally. He kept this promise until the deaths of his parents in a fire 
at their home in January, 1934. Harry also financially helped his wife's 
parents from time to time until their deaths in the late 1940s. 

There is no doubt that Harry loved June very much. However, when they had 
Alice, Harry found he loved Ms daughter even more. He devoted his whole 
existence to the girl, molding her as he wanted her to be. Harry Kelley 
wanted her to be his loving robot, instantly obeying his every wish. Slowly 
but surely, Harry Kelley began to ignore his wife because she was not as 
"trainable" as his daughter. Harry was brainwashing Alice to provide him 
with those things he had missed in his own stark youth. 

It didn't work, really. Alice grew up, and as she did she came to hate her 
father for his aggressiveness toward her; for his desire to command her 
attention. She grew away from him in a terrible way. Alice Kelley found an 
elopement with Jim Adams an escape from a suffocating situation. 

At this juncture, June Kelley thought she might win back the love he once 
showered on her, but that was not to be. She was pregnant, and Mrs. Kelley 
knew that once the baby was born, her husband would begin to brainwash it, 
just as he had done with Alice. Mrs. Kelley thought about an abortion, but 
by the time Alice eloped it was too late. 

In August, 1949, Susan Kelley was born. While Mrs. Kelley was less than 
overjoyed by this event, Mr. Kelley couldn't have been happier. He saw in 
little Susan a second chance to "create" a person who would love him as if 
he were a god. He needed this kind of devotion. He needed it to bolster his 
ego. His past "demanded" it. 

Actions and reactions. 

June Kelley gave up then and there. It was no use. Harry had another warm 
body to mold into a loving, respectful subject for his private kingdom. At 
one point she might have considered killing her child to win back Harry's 
love, but now she was resigned to her fate as a sort of servant in her own 
household. It wasn't so bad, she told herself. Harry Kelley was a pretty 
good provider. He was no drunkard as her parents had been. It wasn't so bad 
living like this. There were worse things, she knew. 

Then what Mrs. Kelley thought would happen did happen. The little girl 
became her father's child, body and soul. As he had done for Alice, Harry 
Kelley presented the new child with a flood of gifts and his constant 
attention. 

When the baby was only a few years old she began showing her gratitude for 
such favors. She would cling to him more than she did to her mother. This 
affection brought untold joy to the aging man's heart. Harry Kelley found it 
difficult to tear himself from Susan's presence. 

Whether he was with the youngster all the time or not didn't matter in his 
brainwashing of her. To Susan, Harry Kelley was omnipresent. It seemed as if 
he was always there, or at best just in another room. 

Before long, Harry and Susan were taking walks together. They were private 
walks, which never included the infant's mother. On these little strolls, 
brainwashing continued. Harry Kelley would hold the child's hand, and 
sometimes carry her. He would fondle her. In the little girl's mind, he was 
the one who gave love and the attention she needed and desired. Her mother 
had receded into the background of the child's mind. 

Harry Kelley was more than a father to Susan; he was her mother, too. He 
would bathe and feed her. He would rock and burp her. As a baby, he even 
held the infant over the toilet when she had to go. He bought the girl's 
clothing and took her on many shopping trips. 

While father and daughter did many different things in the daytime, their 
evenings were much alike. Harry Kelley had purchased a large number of books 
for Alice and had multiplied their number for the benefit of Susan. Each 
evening from the time the child was a couple years old until she was in the 
third grade, Harry Kelley and young Susan would go to a room the father had 
designed for his children. The place was virtually off-limits to Mrs. 
Kelley. Books and toys were kept in this room. In this private room the 
father read to his daughter. Often Susan would select the book to be read, 
and run to her father with it. He would gather her up in his lap and read to 
her the book of her (or his) selection. Sometimes his reading would be 
serious; sometimes in a comic vein. He liked to see Susan laugh. 

"I loved it when Dad read to me," Susan told me. "There was something about 
the way he did it. It was relaxing, leaning against his big chest and 
listening to him read." 

The door to this room was always closed when Harry took his daughter into 
it. And for a good reason. It was here that the aging man did his most 
dramatic-and most successful, as it turned out-brainwashing. With the little 
girl in his lap, her legs spread apart, Harry Kelley would place his hand on 
her genital region and very slowly caress it. To the young girl there was 
nothing wrong with this; there were no sexual connotations. She was 
listening to a story and growing drowsy. She could not recall when the old 
man began his caressing of her sex parts. 

"Were you two? Four? Six years old?" I asked. 

"By the time I was aware that Dad did that to me, I was about five," Susan 
replied. "But he'd been doing it for a long time before that. One evening I 
was aware that he had a hand there. That's all. I didn't question him about 
it. I didn't ask if he had a right to put his hand there. All of a sudden, I 
was just aware it was there." 

Susan would usually be very ready for sleep when her father had finished one 
or two children's stories. If she was not asleep by the time a second story 
had been read to her, she was so drowsy that her father knew she would 
quickly fall asleep when he put her in her bed. She was nearly always 
pajama-clad during the session of sleep-inducing reading, so the transition 
from the reading room to bed was an easy one. 

"Dad would carry me to bed," Susan related, "and carefully put me down. He'd 
kiss me on the cheek, and sometimes on the mouth. And ... and for the first 
time when I was about six ... he ... he kissed me on the genitals. Now, I 
was very aware of that! It felt strange, him having his mouth down there. I 
think he started off kissing my tummy and then went-went between my legs. Of 
course, I didn't question that either." 

"It wasn't too long before he started doing that every time he put me to 
bed. Even when I was half asleep I could feel it when he'd lay me down on my 
back and spread my legs apart, then kiss me down there. I'd feel his lips on 
my genitals and get such a strange feeling while he did it. When he left the 
room, I'd roll over and go to sleep." 

This was just the beginning. Harry Kelley was creating not only a 
psychological dependence, but a sexual one as well in Susan. He was 
attempting-with success-to get the girl to depend on him alone for all 
pleasure, all comfort, all security. 

No one knows whether or not he had done these things with Alice. He showered 
her with gifts and attention, to be sure. There is physical and remembered 
evidence of that. But whether or not he tried to sexually stimulate her, 
only Alice herself knows. And Alice was not available to me for questioning. 

Then there were the rides. The Kelley family went for automobile trips even 
when Susan was an infant. These were short rides, and June Kelley 
accompanied her husband and daughter. Later there were other rides-rides 
whose purpose was the same as what went on behind the closed door of the 
reading room. 

"The first ride I remember taking with Dad alone was when I was about five 
and a half," Susan recalled. "I think we went by the Seville Manufacturing 
Company where Dad worked. Then we went to a park that had a lot of trees. We 
watched for birds for a while. It was spring and there were a lot of birds 
in the park. They were building nests, you know. I was real interested in 
those birds. They were some of the first birds I'd seen up close. There 
weren't too many birds that would come around our house. I was watching some 
bird very hard when Dad put an arm around me. 

"Come lie down here," he said. 

I remember I resisted-I wanted to watch the birds. But Dad said he'd spank 
me if I didn't lie down. So I lay down, right next to him. He pulled up my 
dress and began to rub me between the legs. He'd never rubbed me like that 
before. When he read to me his hand was just resting between my legs. 
Sometimes he'd move his hand slowly around that place down there, but never 
before had he rubbed me so hard. I didn't know what he was doing exactly or 
why he did it. He was my Dad, so I let him do it. You understand that, don't 
you?" 

As the child grew older there were more trips. 

"On weekends Dad and I sometimes took overnight trips," continued Susan. 
"Dad would hardly say anything to Mom about where we were going. I know he 
sometimes said we were going to visit some aunt or uncle. And we really did 
visit a few relatives. But a lot of times we'd just drive some place and 
visit a park or go to a movie or something like that. I guess I wondered why 
Mom didn't come along, but I never asked Dad about it. He was fun. He was 
all I needed or wanted." 

Susan drew in a deep breath as she told me about the trips. The deep breaths 
gave her the courage she needed to relate her story. 

"It was on the trips that the-you know-sexual thing started," she said. "I 
must have been seven or seven and a half when the first thing occurred. Dad 
and I went to Shaddock State Park. They have a very nice waterfall there and 
he said I ought to see it. So one weekend in the spring we went to see it. 
We spent about two hours in the park and then Dad took me to a motel to 
spend the night. We had a very good supper at the motel restaurant, then we 
went back to our room. Dad told me to get ready for bed. I did, in the 
bathroom. He got ready for bed too, although it couldn't have been more than 
eight o'clock. We had a double bed in that motel room. This was the first 
trip we'd taken where we had a double bed in the motel room. Before Dad had 
always gotten twin beds. I lay down on the big bed. It was a lot of fun, 
because my bed at home was just a single. That thing was the biggest bed I'd 
ever been in." Susan drew in another deep breath and continued. "Dad in his 
pajamas lay down beside me. That business about caressing me between the 
legs and kissing my genitals had become such a habit that I automatically 
flung my legs apart. And this time Dad did what he usually did-he ran his 
hand between my legs and a minute later he kissed my stomach then my 
genitals. But ... but there was a difference this time. He gave my genitals 
a couple of kisses then he ran his tongue around there. At first I didn't 
know what was going on. I just felt something warm down between my legs. I 
remember that I started to get up to see what it was down there. Dad felt me 
move and raised his head. 

'It's all right,' he said. 'Just enjoy, it.' So I did. I got a glimpse of 
what he was doing with his tongue and so I knew what that warm, wet feeling 
was. I'll admit it really felt queer the first time he did it, But He was my 
Dad, and I loved him, so I didn't question what he was doing." 

Once more Susan Kelley took a deep breath. 

"He licked me between the legs for about five minutes, I guess," said Susan 
as she continued the story. "Then he stopped and rubbed me down there again 
to dry off his saliva. Dad was trembling, I remember. I don't mind admitting 
that I got scared right then. I can see him in my mind to this day as He got 
up from between my legs and pulled Himself up to my face. He was 
sweaty-like. Lord, what a look He Had on His face! I still see his face the 
way it was at that time in my dreams! All of a sudden He kissed me square on 
the lips. He kissed me Harder than He'd ever done before. He said, 'Open 
your mouth!' He was very hot and very serious. I obeyed; I opened my mouth. 
Dad stuck his tongue inside and explored my mouth. I nearly gagged on his 
tongue. In a moment He was pressing His tongue against mine. I still 
remember that first experience with that kind of kissing. It sent a sort of 
electricity all through me. I tingled, as though tiny electric sparks were 
stabbing me. In a couple of minutes Dad stopped that. Then...." 

Susan drew in another deep, courage-giving breath. 

"Then Dad asked me to: put a hand on His pajamas, right in the middle where 
his legs came together. I was scared about this whole thing and He knew it 
He managed a smile and said something like, 'It's all right, baby!' So I did 
what he asked. Of course, I'd never touched my Dad there and I didn't know 
what to expect. I guess I must have realized that boys and girls are 
different down there, but I had no idea what boys had between the legs. I 
was shocked-maybe even horrified-when I put my hand on Dad's pajamas and 
felt a long lump. He said, 'Don't be scared baby. Rub it like this.' Then he 
put his hand over mine and began moving it slowly up and down that long 
lump. The lump got longer and harder. It seemed like it was going to burst 
out of his pajamas. I could feel it straining against the cloth of the 
pajamas. Dad closed his eyes and gave out with a couple of sighs. In just a 
minute or two I wasn't scared any more. I just thought of it as something I 
was doing that pleased my Daddy. All fear of that lump had disappeared in 
just a minute or two." 

Susan inhaled and exhaled deeply a couple of times. 

"In a few minutes Dad told me to put a hand in the fly of his pajamas and 
take out the thing I'd been rubbing. I was curious now. I wanted to see that 
long, hard thing. So I put a hand in his pajamas and touched something that 
was fleshy and seemed to have a lot of hair around it. Dad wiggled a little 
to help me get it out. And all of a sudden, there it was! I stared at it for 
a long time. Dad told me about it, or maybe I should say, a little about it. 
He said it was his penis, and that it made him feel good when it was rubbed. 
He said when his penis was especially happy with the rubbing, it gave off a 
squirt of liquid. And-and he wanted me to make it happy. He said he needed 
to have it made happy. Dad showed me just how to hold his penis and just how 
to move it. He let me explore it a little before I got down to serious 
rubbing. I moved the skin on my Dad's penis just the way he told me to. I 
remember Dad made motions with his body. Just little motions, like he was 
getting all rigid. At the time I didn't know what the motions meant-I didn't 
know those were the motions a man makes when he's getting excited and ready 
to ejaculate. In about five minutes Dad had an ejaculation; a big one. I 
jumped. I was scared again. It was as if I'd cut Dad and he was bleeding a 
sort of white blood. Again he said something like, 'Don't be scared, baby. 
It's all right' So I wasn't scared any more about that either." 

To Susan, what was going on between her father and herself was not abnormal 
or even sexual, As yet, Susan Kelley had not even heard those words, and she 
had no concepts about good or evil in this area. 

Right after the trip on which Mr. Kelley first had his daughter play with 
his penis, he Began to reward his daughter with gifts for her actions. At 
the time, Susan was not even conscious that a connection existed. After my 
interviews with her, however, I could point out to her that there was a 
relation. The day after she had committed a sexual act with Her father, he 
would come home with some sort of present for the girl. In this manner, 
Susan's sex play With Her father became all the more pleasurable, because 
subconsciously she knew that she would get some sort of present for doing 
it. Harry Kelley was conditioning the girl to expect a reward for her 
services. Harry Kelley was very effectively brainwashing Susan. 

As time went on, Mr. Kelley; Became even more sexually aggressive with his 
young daughter. 

"For a long time we didn't do any more than we'd done at that motel when I 
was seven and a Half," Susan told me. "He'd fondle me and kiss me between 
the legs, and I'd manipulate His penis until he Had a release. Then, when I 
was almost ten, He started something else. Mom had gone out for the evening 
and Dad and I were alone at Home. Dad told me to come back to his bedroom, 
Of course, I thought He might want me to play with him. He usually didn't 
have me play with him at home unless Mom was out of the house. That's why 
Dad and I still took trips ... so I could play with his penis in some park 
or motel. But since Mom was gone tonight, I had a hunch that he wanted me to 
help him ejaculate before she got back. Well, I got to the bedroom and Dad 
was already nude. He was standing on one side of the bed he and Mom occupied 
with his legs spread apart and his penis in his hand. He told me to undress. 
In just a moment I was nude. We both laid down on the big bed. Everything 
was going along just like always. Dad had caressed me between the legs and 
had kissed me down there. I was manipulating his penis. Then he said, 'Get 
on your back again.' 

I did. He put a pillow under my hips so that my genitals were raised up off 
the bed itself. Dad put his head down there again and licked me. Then he did 
something he hadn't done before. He put his tongue in my split. His tongue 
was right in my opening! I must have jumped two feet off that pillow! Lord! 
What a feeling that was! I can still remember that feeling as if it had been 
done to me just a minute ago! Dad got his head out of the way just in time, 
or I think I'd have knocked him cold. I think he knew I was going to jump 
like that. Anyway, he laughed. Then he said, 'Baby, I want to do something a 
little different tonight. Hold your legs apart like this.' And Dad took my 
legs and bent them up and apart. It-it's the position you'd use for-for 
intercourse.' Dad got between my legs and over me, supporting himself on his 
elbows and knees. He had a huge erection and laid his penis right on my 
split. It was a strange feeling. In all the time I'd been playing with Dad's 
penis, he never had allowed it to touch anything but my hand. His penis 
resting on my genitals made chills run up and down my spine. He said 
something like, 'Relax. Enjoy it.' He began to let his penis rub against my 
genitals. It's another one of those sensations I can remember as if it had 
just happened a minute ago! It was very exciting to me. It only took a few 
minutes of that to make Dad's penis shoot out its liquid. His sperm came all 
over my tummy. That was the first time I'd really felt his sperm. It was 
warm, like warm, slimy water. When Dad was through with me, he rolled over 
and told me to go clean up. I did as he asked. In the bathroom I got a 
washcloth and cleaned his sperm off me. I went back to Mom and Dad's 
bedroom, and Dad and I got dressed." 

"And I suppose this new sort of play continued," I said. 

"Oh, yeah," said Susan in a matter-of-fact voice. "Each time we played with 
each other, Dad would wind up on top of me with his penis lying on my 
genitals." 

"And you never thought there was anything strange about what your father was 
doing with you?" I asked. 

"Why, no!" said Susan very emphatically. "He was my Daddy, and he had every 
right to do whatever he wanted to do with me." 

Susan looked down at the floor. 

"I ... I know now that what he was doing is considered abnormal or queer or 
maybe even insane," said Susan. "But to me, even now, it doesn't seem that 
what he was doing was so harmful. Just different. There were good reasons 
for what he did. I'm sure there were good reasons." 

And indeed there were good reasons. One reason, already mentioned, was that 
Harry Kelley was setting himself up as the center of Susan's life, hoping 
that he would be more successful in doing so than he had apparently been 
with his older daughter, Alice. Mr. Kelley was flooding Susan with gifts, 
attention, and certain sexual relations. By this technique he hoped to 
become a sort of god whom young Susan would worship and respect; in whom she 
would find all comfort and her only true security. And as it happened, Harry 
Kelley would be quite successful in attaining the goal he had set for 
himself. 

Mrs. June Kelley was the second reason why Harry Kelley paid so much 
attention-sexually and otherwise-to Susan. When I talked with her, Mrs. 
Kelley herself admitted that she was frigid toward her husband. But in 
examining the case, it is clear to me that Harry Kelley had no one but 
himself to blame for this condition. Years ago he had shoved his wife into 
the background of his life. On her part, she had pretty much given up 
allowing him to have her sexual favors. Subconsciously this was her 
retaliation for the lack of attention he paid to her. She figured that if he 
wasn't going to love her and show his love, then she wasn't going to allow 
him to have sexual relations with her. So Harry Kelley turned all his 
attentions to his daughters, particularly Susan. 

When Mrs. Kelley turned against her husband, consciously or unconsciously 
she turned against her daughters. She would have as little to do with them 
as she had to do with her husband. This was the quality in her which allowed 
Harry Kelley to have such a free and successful hand at brainwashing his 
children in the manner he did. Mrs. Kelley's intervention between Susan and 
her father might have helped if that intervention had come soon enough. As 
we shall see, at the last moment June Kelley did try to exert some favorable 
influence over Susan, but by then it was too late. Far too late. 

And so Harry Kelley had a totally free hand in molding young Susan into just 
what he wanted to make her-a worshipful creature of his creation. 

I asked Susan about her mother. 

"Mom's all right, I guess," she replied. "I've just never had much to do 
with her. I've never thought much about her. Of course, in the last few 
years I've had more to do with her and thought more about her than when I 
was young, but even now I don't think I know Mom the way I know Dad." 

I continued to ask about the relationship between Susan and Harry Kelley. 

"He's wonderful" Susan exclaimed. "Dad's always been wonderful to me. He 
couldn't have done more for me. That's why I love him, I guess. He's done so 
much for me. Every time I'm around him I get a warm glow. That may sound 
silly to you, but it's natural and wonderful to me. 

"I'll admit that I got used to what Dad and I did sexually. I looked forward 
to his touching me down below, particularly after I was about ten years old. 
About that time the sensation he aroused between my legs became very 
noticable and very pleasnat. I didn't really get a big charge out of 
handling his penis. His male organ was something which fascinated me more 
than it excited me. I got a sort of charge out of it when he rubbed his 
penis against my genitals to produce an ejaculation. I think maybe I even 
sexually got a kind of warm sensation when I felt his sperm shoot onto my 
tummy. Yes, I think by the time I was ten or so I looked forward to our sex 
games as much or more than I looked forward to the little present he'd get 
for me afterward." 

"By the way, how often did you two have these relations?" I asked. 

"Well, sir, it varied quite a bit. Every time Dad put me to bed-which was 
almost every night-he'd give my genitals a caress or two and usually he 
kissed me between the legs. But the other stuff, where I manipulated his 
penis, would go on at home only when Mom was out, which was maybe an average 
of once a week. We used to take trips so we could do that on the av erage of 
once or twice a week in the spring, summer, and autumn. We even took an 
occasional overnight trip in the wintertime. Overall, we sexually played 
with each other about twice a week." 

"And your mother never caught you?" i 

"No, never. A couple of times she walked in the house unexpectedly, but we 
could hear her and could get dressed fast enough that she never caught us in 
the nude. Maybe I should have known there was something unusual about what 
Dad and I were doing when I saw how panicky he got when he heard Mother come 
in the house. But no. I just never questioned it." 

Susan Kelley never-until much later-conceived of that which she was doing 
with her father as "sexual" in any way. Her father certainly never put it 
into her head that they were "having sex." Yet, paradoxically, he talked to 
Susan about sex. 

"The word sex was never mentioned, but just before I began first grade Dad 
gave me certain warnings," Susan told me. "He told me just how I ought to 
sit, with my legs crossed or together. He told me to watch just how high up 
my dress crept. He told me not to talk to strangers, much less get into a 
stranger's car. He told me that I shouldn't let anyone even touch me. Dad 
said that sometimes bad things happened when people, even people you know, 
touched you. And he gave me the usual talk about crossing at corners and 
being nice to the other kids and the teacher. Dad was big on respect. He 
said I should always remember my place in school and be respectful to the 
teachers and the principal. I must say that he put a lot of emphasis on that 
business about not letting other people touch me." 

"I take it you followed what your dad told you about that." 

"Certainly. It was something he told me to do, wasn't it?" 

Harry Kelley's advice to his daughter about her conduct in school is logical 
when we consider the man's motives and objectives. Since he was making 
himself the center of Susan's life, he could not allow anyone or anything 
else to come between himself and her. On the first day that Susan attended 
public school, Mr. Kelley must have asked himself if it wasn't here that 
Alice had begun to grow away from him. Was it here that Alice had developed 
a mind of her own; a mind that would say "no!" to him; a mind quite 
independent of him? Was it here that Harry Kelley had lost Alice's love and 
adoration? Was it here that Alice had learned that there are other 
pleasurable things in the world than Harry Kelley? Mr. Kelley may well not 
have given Alice the same warnings that he gave Susan. He may not have told 
Alice to not let any other person touch her. Harry Kelley may have felt that 
it was another person's touch that caused Alice to cease to love him and, in 
the end, caused her to elope with Jim Adams. No one knows what, if anything, 
he told Alice on her first day at school. We can only speculate. 

At any rate, the warnings Mr. Kelley gave six-year-old Susan are an 
indication of the relationship he desired to continue with the girl. Since 
he wanted to be her god, he was of necessity jealous. Any demanding person 
is jealous, for they fear that someone or something else will attract the 
person of their affection more than themselves. So Harry Kelley was jealous 
with a kind of insane jealousy most people never know. He knew that his wife 
was not going to come between him and his daughter, but he didn't know-he 
couldn't know-whether or not someone in the school would affect Susan in 
some way detrimental to him. This doubt about the school must have nearly 
driven Harry Kelley out of his mind at first. 

But not for long. Since Susan continued to adore the aging man, it must have 
soon become clear to him that she was not transferring any affection from 
him to anyone in school. In fact, it was after she started school that Harry 
Kelley began to have what I would call major sexual relations with his 
daughter-i.e., having her manipulate his penis and placing his penis on her 
genitals. Still, a certain fear of what went on at school must have haunted 
Mr. Kelley. He must have thought that some place in school Alice learned to 
hate him and in the end ran away from home. 

The relationship between Harry Kelley and Susan must have seemed ideal to 
Harry. It must have appeared that his plan was working. Susan looked to him 
for all things, as if he were God Himself. Susan certainly thought their 
relations were ideal She willingly demonstrated this by allowing her father 
to take her on those trips where he would always wind up fondling her sex 
parts and, as time went on, where she fondled him in return. 

And what should we say of such a relationship? The obvious thing to do is to 
condemn it as immoral. Outwardly it appears to be an incestous relationship; 
the father making love to his daughter. But here are other factors to 
consider. 

Primarily, there is the fact that Mr. Kelley never had intercourse with his 
daughter. According to Susan Kelley, Mr. Kelley's penis never once 
penetrated her vagina. 

"A couple of times, when I was about eleven, Dad asked me to take his penis 
and put it at the opening of my vagina," Susan related. "When I placed his 
penis there, I could feel it get a lot harder all of a sudden. He pushed it 
against my opening just enough to make my vagina open a little. It was just 
the tip of his organ that went in. But really it didn't go in. Just about a 
quarter inch of it got past the outer skin. Only a quarter inch! Then he'd 
put his penis on my slit and have an ejaculation." 

If we define incest as intercourse between father and daughter, then Mr. 
Kelley must be found not guilty of the charge. If, on the other hand, we 
define incest as the mere thought of a sexual relationship between father 
and daughter, then Mr. Kelley is guilty. He was using his child's sex parts 
to further his ultimate goal, and this we might define as incest on his 
part. 

But to Susan, the whole thing seemed ideal-perfect. Susan had learned to 
accept this life as normal. It was the life pattern against which she would 
judge any other existence. 

"Love" was the key word in this perfect world. Harry Kelley kept emphasizing 
that term. Almost every day he would ask Susan if she loved him, and Susan, 
naturally, would answer yes. Or he might ask her who she loved, and Susan 
would say his name. He would confess his undying, eternal love for her and 
hold the youngster tightly. 

"After I'd made Dad have an ejaculation he'd tell me he'd always love me and 
we'd always be together," Susan recalled. 

Her own father was her first love. He filled all her needs. He was in every 
corner of her life. He was ubiquitous. Her life would be empty without him. 

 CHAPTER TWO 

LOSS OF LOVE-LOSS OF VIRGINITY 

If the relationship between Harry Kelley and Susan Kelley had continued 
undisturbed, I probably would have never known about them. The fact is that 
their relationship did not continue without problems ... terrible problems. 

For Susan, the first-and biggest-problem thrust itself at her in late May, 
1961, when the girl was in the sixth grade. 

On this particular spring day, the child arrived home from school at the 
usual hour and entered the house, a neat wood and two-story brick house on a 
tree-shaded street. She recalled that on that very day the world seemed 
perfect, with no warning of the impending tragedy. Several of the Kelley's 
neighbors in this middle-class, conservative suburban neighborhood waved to 
Susan. 

On entering the house, Susan was surprised to find her mother sitting in the 
living room staring into the fireplace. Susan had never seen her mother just 
sitting and staring before. Her mother's posture and gaze made Susan know 
that something was wrong. Ordinarily Mrs. Kelley would be doing housework, 
or preparing a meal, or possibly reading a magazine at this hour. But not 
today. Today she just sat and stared into the empty fireplace. Susan wasn't 
quite sure what to make of this. 

"Sit down," Mrs. Kelley commanded as she noticed Susan. 

The eleven-year-old girl sat in a near-by chair facing her mother. 

"I have something to tell you," said Mrs. Kelley, turning and looking her 
daughter straight in the eye. "Something's happened. Something that's going 
to make a big change in us." 

Mrs. Kelley was silent for a moment. 

"Harry's gone." 

That's all Mrs. Kelley said. Just, "Harry's gone." 

Susan didn't quite comprehend the meaning of the words. She didn't know what 
definition to put to the word "gone." 

"What do you mean?" asked the child. 

"I mean Harry Kelley is gone," said Mrs. Kelley with emphasis. "He isn't 
going to be around here any longer. He's left us." 

Still the words were incomprehensible to young Susan. The scene was unreal. 

"You mean Dad's not coming home any more?" she asked. 

"That's what I mean," said Mrs. Kelley. 

Susan's face dropped. She thought it might be a he, but Susan could not 
think up a reason for her mother lying about her father not coming home 
again. 

"Don't look so down-hearted," said the girl's mother. "It isn't all that 
bad. We're going to get along. We'll get along just fine. Of course, there 
will be changes. I'll have to look for a job since Harry won't be supporting 
us. There's about seven hundred dollars in our joint savings account, but 
that won't last us too long. I hope ... I hope I can get a job before it 
runs out." 

Mrs. Kelley allowed a minute of silence to elapse before continuing. 

"You'll have to do most of what I was doing around the house, you 
understand," said Mrs. Kelley. "You'll be responsible for the cleaning, 
ironing, most of the washing, the dishes, making the beds, preparing 
meals...." 

Susan looked at the floor in despair. 

"Of course, I'll show you how to do all those things," Mrs. Kelley assured 
her daughter. 

Susan looked her mother in the face and smiled a bit. Mrs. Kelley smiled 
back at her-the first time she had smiled at her in years, so it seemed. 

"We'd better get to it," said the child's mother. "Take fifteen minutes to 
change your clothes then come to the kitchen. You might as well have your 
first cooking lesson tonight." 

Slowly and with great effort, young Susan arose and walked to her bedroom. 
She placed her books on the small study desk her father had given her on her 
ninth birthday. She stood still a minute and looked at the desk. It seemed 
that now the wood and metal object somehow represented him; it was a little 
reminder of the old man who loved her so much. Susan also looked at other 
things in her bedroom which were purchased for her by her father. There was 
the clock, several stuffed animals, a few cosmetics, some decorative cups 
and saucers, a ceramic figurine, and all her clothes. It did not strike 
Susan as odd that her father had bought her clothes and not her mother. To 
Susan, her father going with her to pick out the garments she would wear was 
normal. But now, for the moment, at least, all these objects which her 
father had purchased took on a strange, mystical quality. These objects 
became substitutes for him; reminders of him and what he stood for in the 
child's life. 

The youngster changed from her school clothes into some older, more 
haggard-looking garments. Even as she put these on, she could almost feel 
her father caress her; as if his fingers were in the cloth of the slacks she 
was slipping into. When the child pulled the slacks up, the part where the 
legs came together touched her genitals, reminding her of the pressure of 
her father's penis when he laid it between her legs. The old blouse Susan 
now put on recalled to her young mind the loving touch her father often laid 
on her shoulders and back. Suddenly her bedroom was one grand reminder of 
the father her mother said Was gone. 

"I lay down across the bed after changing my clothes," Susan recalled. "I 
just stared at the ceiling, wondering. I wondered if my Mom was telling the 
truth about Dad. I wondered if this was some sort of joke. I wondered if Mom 
had misunderstood about Dad leaving. Maybe he was just on a trip for a 
while. But, too, I wondered if it was true; and if it was true, why. Why 
would Dad leave us? It didn't make sense for him to leave. No sense at all! 
I had a strange, scared feeling just then. It occurred to me that now I'd be 
dealing with Mom, and I didn't know just how to react to that. Weird, isn't 
it? A person I'd lived with for more than eleven years, and I didn't know 
her; I didn't know how to react to her? Looking at the ceiling, I could only 
wonder about this thing, about Dad being 'gone'." 

In a few minutes, June Kelley called her daughter to the kitchen and the 
youngster's first cooking lesson began. Mrs. Kelley showed her child where 
the cookbooks were kept and how to read them. The two generations of women 
prepared a small meal (Susan didn't remember just what it was) and ate it. 
Afterward Mrs. Kelley showed Susan how she was to do the dishes, where to 
put them, etc. 

The mealtime lessons were enough for one day, so at about seven o'clock Mrs. 
Kelley released Susan from further duties that day. 

Susan went to her room with the intention of doing her homework and retiring 
for the night. On the way to her bedroom she passed the small room in which 
she and her father had made their private little universe. Susan opened the 
door to this room and peeked inside. A dim light shone through the window, 
but it was enough light to let Susan see the many books and other presents 
which her father had given her. Like her bedroom, this small room held many 
pleasant memories for the young girl. Susan looked at all the room held, 
remembering the things which had gone on inside it. One small tear crept 
into her eye. She remembered not only the gentle caresses her father had 
placed all over her body, but the love which had been known in the room. 
Susan could almost see the past events which had taken place in the room. 
Her mind's eye became very active. 

The child crossed the room and closed the open window, then pulled the 
drapes across them. She walked out of the room and closed the door behind 
her. It seemed as though she was closing the door to a tomb so that a dead 
body would not escape. Closing that door was a hard task for the youngster. 

Susan went to her bedroom. She turned on the lamp which sat on the small 
study desk, sat down, and opened a school book. She was going to do some 
homework. But she could not bring herself to concentrate. 

"I was too worried or scared, or I don't know what," Susan said to me. "The 
words in the book didn't make any sense. I couldn't even make them go 
together right. It took me five minutes to read a sentence and make it mean 
anything. Each word wanted to stand alone, meaningless. I looked over at the 
clock. It was something like eight or eight-fifteen. When I saw the time and 
knew that Dad wasn't home, then I knew that Mom must not be kidding about 
Dad being gone. He'd never been later than seven-thirty getting home before. 
I couldn't ever remember an evening when he wasn't home by seven-thirty. 
Usually Dad was home by six, sometimes even earlier. Only when the company 
asked him to work overtime did he come home later than six. So I knew that 
something was wrong when he wasn't home at eight o'clock. 

"Since I couldn't study, the only two other things I knew to do were watch 
television or go to bed. I walked into the living room where we had the 
television set and I saw Mom watching it and reading the evening newspaper. 
Usually Dad and I would watch television in the evening if I didn't have 
homework or if we weren't doing something in the small library room. I don't 
remember ever watching television with just Mom. I think I was scared to. So 
I went back to my bedroom and undressed. I got into my long blue nightgown 
and turned off the lights. 

"I lay on top of the bed. It was very warm that night and I was very 
restless. I closed my eyes several times, but it was no use. They wouldn't 
stay shut. All I could do was toss and turn and stare at the white ceiling. 
I listened to the clock. Tic-tock, tic-tock, tic-tock. I was aware of every 
passing minute. I kept hoping that I'd hear Dad's car in the driveway. Every 
once in a while I'd look at the time. I remember being awake that night at 
one in the morning. 

"I finally fell asleep. It wasn't any peaceful sleep, I can tell you! I 
dreamed, and I squirmed as I dreamed. I saw my Dad's face, smiling and 
happy. It seemed like he was leaning down to kiss me, just like he did when 
he was with us. I could almost feel his kisses. I felt them on my cheeks, my 
lips, my neck, my stomach, and I even felt them between my legs. I felt his 
hands too, as I dreamed that they caressed my entire body, especially 
between the legs. Dad liked to caress there best of all. After I started 
dreaming that Dad was fondling me between the legs, I remember that I pulled 
up my nightgown and put my hand down there, moving it slowly just as he did. 
This was the first time I'd ever fondled myself down there. Dad had told me 
that I shouldn't play with my own genitals-it was a bad habit. He said he 
loved me enough that he'd take care of caressing me down there. I fondled 
myself now only to make those caresses of his about which I was dreaming 
more real. 

"I dreamed about Dad's smiling face for quite a while. Then, suddenly, I saw 
my Mom come out of the blackness which surrounded Dad's face. Mom was much 
smaller in scale than Dad, and she had an axe. She lifted the axe and took a 
swing at Dad. At the last moment Dad tried to duck to avoid the axe, but it 
was too late. Mom hit him square in the middle of the head with that axe and 
blood began to gush from the wound. I think I gave out with a little scream 
just then. Anyway, everything in my dream went black for a minute. 

"Then I saw a misty-gray haze. It seemed to be early morning in a swampy 
place, maybe near a river or lake. I saw that I was dreaming of a place with 
tall grass and soft earth. I saw that in the earth there was a hole, about 
six feet long, a couple feet wide, and a couple feet deep. I saw someone-it 
was too hazy to tell who-shoving a body into the shallow hole. The bloody 
body was just kicked into the hole-just kicked. No ceremony, no nothing. 
Just that kick. Some loose grass was thrown on the body and the person who 
had kicked the body into the hole turned and left. 

"Man, I'll tell you-that really sent chills up and down my spine. I broke 
out in a sweat. 

"Then all of a sudden I saw Mom's face. It was huge in scale, bigger than 
Dad's face had been. It was unsmiling and mean-looking. It came right at me, 
as if it had been shot from a gun. When it got close to me, I saw her mouth 
open. I thought she was going to swallow me. Then I woke up and sat 
bolt-upright in bed. I was covered with sweat and trembling." 

Susan's dream on that night when she first learned that Harry Kelley was 
gone was proof of how effective his brainwashing of her had been. She had 
dreamed of him as the smiling, loving parent. She had dreamed of her mother 
as a monster, angry-looking and revenge seeking. The interpretation Susan 
put on this dream was that her mother had, for some reason, killed her 
beloved father and might well do the same to her. This interpretation was 
the one Harry Kelley had conditioned his child to make. By implication, he 
had made Susan think of her mother as a mean stranger who was not capable of 
giving the girl the sort of love he could give her. Mr. Kelley had put a 
sort of fear into the mind of his daughter-a fear of almost anyone except 
himself. Particularly, there was the fear of her mother. To some extent, 
Mrs. Kelley could blame herself for this condition. She had not made an 
effort to make herself a factor in her child's life. When she saw that her 
husband was trying to brainwash Susan as he had Alice, Mrs. Kelley gave up. 
She as much as said, "Well, what's it worth. I'd have to fight Harry at each 
turn. So why bother? Let him do to her what he will. Maybe Susan will elope 
at eighteen-or sooner." 

Susan's personality was shy, withdrawn. She was not outgoing because she 
never had a cause to be. Her father had supplied her with everything she 
neededand more. Susan didn't have to fight for it. Susan had no desires 
which her father had not fulfilled. 

The day after her mother told her that her father would not be coming home 
any longer, Susan trod off to school at an abnormally early hour. The girl 
did not want to face her mother, possibly because she feared her. Susan no 
doubt had a fear of her mother before her dream of the previous night, but 
that dream increased the fear even further. At the school, which was about a 
quarter mile from her residence, the young girl had to wait over forty-five 
minutes before she could enter the building. 

All day long the eleven year old girl was sullen, moody, depressed. 
Ordinarily she was quiet, almost withdrawn; but she was also smiling. It was 
easy for her teacher, a Mr. Collins, to notice the sudden change in his 
pupil's behavior. He must have wondered why she was depressed. In fact, 
Susan recalled that he asked her that day if there was anything wrong. She 
had replied in the negative. He put his arm around her-an action he had 
never performed before-and she, thinking of her dear father, leaned against 
him. If it hadn't been for this situation at home, she might never have 
leaned against Mr. Collins, or even permitted him to touch her. Her father's 
warnings about letting other people touch her body were very much with-her. 
Yet, momentarily she needed the reassurance of some man's touch. 

At the time when Susan learned that her father had left his family, the 
public school year only had about two and a half weeks to run. There was not 
enough time left in the school year for the teachers and administrators of 
Susan's elementary school to inquire in depth as to why the young girl had 
suddenly become depressed. Susan is sure that they speculated about it. It 
is likely that the speculation ran from things like, "She's just in a mood," 
to something more clinical such as, "She's having her first menstruation." 

Each afternoon when the youngster came home from school she and her mother 
would have another house keeping lesson-about doing washing, ironing, 
cleaning, food preparation, etc. 

Naturally, it was not long until the entire community (i.e., the southern 
end of Seville) knew that Harry Kelley had disappeared. The community 
wondered and watched the Kelley house. Some neighbors asked where Harry had 
gone. To the inquirers Mrs. Kelley merely answered, "He's gone," the same 
answer she had given Susan. To the few neighbors who asked Susan about her 
father's absence, all the child could do was shake her head. 

At about the time school ended and the pupils' summer vacation began, Mrs. 
Kelley found a job as a saleswoman in a medium-sized department store which 
was located in Seville's only shopping center. The job didn't pay much-about 
fifty-five dollars a week-but it was enough so that Mrs. Kelley could 
maintain the house and keep her daughter and herself from being 
poverty-stricken. These were hard times not only for Susan, but for Mrs. 
June Kelley as well. 

As it turned out, she knew what had happened and why her husband was no 
longer coming home. But she dared not tell anyone, least of all Susan. Mrs. 
Kelley knew it would be hard on the eleven-year-old girl, but she thought if 
the youngster was kept busy she would forget her father and face this new 
existence with a fresh outlook. June Kelley hoped against hope that Susan 
would forget Harry Kelley. But that was a futile hope. 

Susan could think of nothing but the wonderful man she had for a father for 
eleven years. Each day she recalled some nearly forgotten thing they had 
done. A walk in the park, reading a favorite story, a game, a special 
television program they had watched together-a million memories, so it 
seemed, flooded the young girl's mind. 

Susan thought ahead. During the daylight hours that summer of 1961, her 
thoughts were well thought out. At night when the girl slept, her thoughts 
were just the opposite. Her thoughts, manifested in dark dreams, were of 
terror and horror; or disaster not far off. Susan's dreams of the future 
were abstract and illogical. Still, Susan attached significance to them as 
if her jumbled dreams could predict the future more surely than the logic 
she used when she was awake. She had no concrete interpretation of her 
dreams about the future. She only feared that the future must be filled with 
unpleasantness. 

The seed of these dreams had been planted many years ago by Harry Kelley. He 
had cultivated the idea that he, and he alone, was Susan's security; that 
he, and he alone, was the center of her life, her very being. Without him 
she would be insecure. She would be lost in the wilderness of life to grope 
and float about; she would be adrift with nothing to cling to. The abstract, 
nerve-racking dreams were Susan's reaction to Harry Kelley's act of 
brainwashing. 

But in the hot summer of 1961, not all of Susan's dreams were of an insecure 
future. Many of her dreams, she told me, were pleasant. They were 
memory-dreams of the life which had suddenly left her dreams of her father 
and herself. 

"I dreamed about all the things Dad had done for me and all the things we 
had done together," Susan told me. "The walks, talks, conversations-they 
were all there. Every pleasant thing we'd done I remembered during that 
terrible summer. I was reminded of Dad every day as I went through the house 
doing the jobs Mother had told me to do. Every inch of the house reminded me 
of him. Even when I cut the grass and watered the flowers I was reminded of 
Dad. I felt almost as if he was still present-invisible, but present." 

Other pleasant memories of Harry Kelley were on Susan's mind. 

"That summer of 1961, the nights were much harder than the days," Susan 
confessed. "When I lay on my bed at night, I couldn't help thinking about 
those things Dad and I had done in bed. A lot of times I'd dream of him and 
me doing what we did in bed. The dreams were very real. I could literally 
feel Dad's hands on me. I could feel his penis in my hands. I could feel his 
stiff organ as he pressed it against my genitals. It was all so real. For 
about the first month after Dad disappeared, I didn't have dreams about the 
things we'd done in bed-not too often, any way-but about the second month I 
began to think more and more about it. I ... I guess that's because I missed 
it. 

"I guess I began to think more about Dad and sex because of the ritual. If 
it wasn't for the ritual-well, maybe I would have forgotten what Dad and I 
did in bed-maybe." 

"What ritual?" I asked. 

"You see, in January of 1961-that was four months before Dad disappeared-I 
started noticing that I was, uh, developing. You know what I mean, don't 
you?" 

"Yes," I answered, "I think so." 

"So I started examining myself in front of the full-length mirror that was 
attached to my closet door. I did it in secrecy. I'd always have the door to 
my bedroom closed when I looked in the mirror. I'd stand nude before the 
mirror and look at myself. I'd notice how my breasts were getting larger, 
and how the nipples grew. Pretty soon I got to the place where I liked to 
touch the parts of me that were changing the most. I'd run my hands around 
my breasts and let my finger tips play with the nipples. I didn't have too 
much feeling in my breasts-nothing compared with the sensation I can arouse 
in them now-but it was fun. I think it was about March that I began to 
notice that my genitals were changing, too. That was when I noticed the 
first few dark hairs on that region. Years before I'd seen the hair my Dad 
had between his legs. He had told me that some day I'd have hair between my 
legs also. He had said that I'd probably be twelve or thirteen before I got 
hair on my genitals, so I was a little surprised when I saw some dark hair 
there when I was only eleven and a half. All in all, I was very proud and 
happy at this time. I was growing up and I was proud of that-you know how 
kids are about that! Especially after I saw those first hairs on my 
genitals, I began to really examine myself every day very closely. Before, I 
really hadn't paid much attention to my body, even though Dad played with it 
the way he did. Now that I was entering puberty, I couldn't keep my eyes or 
hands off myself. A few times I thought about what Dad had said about not 
playing with myself, but I was too excited by my development to keep my 
hands off those developing parts. 

"I almost always examined myself in the afternoon after coming home from 
school. I'd go to my bedroom to change from school clothes to home clothes. 
I'd take off all my school clothes, then examine myself for, oh, about ten 
or fifteen minutes. Then I'd dress in sloppy home clothes. Mother would be 
the only one in the house, and she would always be someplace other than the 
end of the house where the bedrooms were located. 

"One school day in early April-about six weeks before Dad disappeared-I was 
standing in front of the mirror examining my sexual development when the 
door flew open. There was Dad! I about jumped right out of my skin! I had 
one hand on a breast and one hand between my legs feeling my new pubic hair. 
I was afraid for a minute, afraid of what Dad was going to say about me 
feeling my body. He just stood in the doorway for a while, looking me up and 
down. I wasn't embarrassed or anything because Dad had seen me often when I 
was nude. It happened that we had not had any sexual play between us for a 
couple of months for some reason. Dad hadn't seen my development-he hadn't 
seen the way my breasts were growing or the hairs which were appearing on my 
genitals. That's why he was staring at me. Dad was really fascinated by my 
development. When he saw me standing like I was, he said, T see you're going 
through the ritual.' I'd never heard that word, ritual, before, so I asked 
him what that meant. He said, 'You're doing a pubic ritual 
examination-you're exploring your female parts." 

"Dad then closed the door to my bedroom once more and came over to me. He 
stood behind me and ran his hands from my breasts to my genital area. Up and 
down he went, time and time again. When he caressed my body this time, it 
felt a lot different that it had ever felt before. I must have excited Dad 
much more than usual this time too, because as he stood behind me I could 
feel his male organ become erect. As he was feeling my body, he said 
something about being home early today because the factory had shut down due 
to some equipment failure. I didn't really hear what he said because I was 
getting so worked up myself. Dad's touch had never made me tingle like this 
before. Oh, Lord, was it exciting! I've got goose-bumps right now just 
recalling how it felt as he ran his hands over my naked body! Gee!!! He 
removed his hands from me and unzipped his pants. Pulling down his 
underwear, he asked me to take his penis in my hand and massage it. He 
closed his eyes and trembled as I did it for him. I think his penis was 
harder then than at any other time I ever had it in my hands. He asked me to 
stop after a couple of minutes. He mumbled something about Mom being in the 
house. I think he would have taken me straight to bed if she hadn't been 
home. I hadn't made him have a sexual release for such a long time, you 
know. He needed it. "Dad zipped up his pants and told me to he down on the 
bed. He went and got Mom's hand mirror. With my bedroom door closed, he then 
proceeded to tell me about sex and the way a woman's body functions. He told 
me about the purpose of my breasts-both their erotic purpose and their 
biological purpose. He kissed my breasts and sucked them too. He said in a 
year or so I'd find that to have my breasts kissed and sucked would be very 
stimulating. Then he showed me what the sex parts of my genitals are for. He 
held Mom's hand mirror so I could see my split from top to bottom. Dad had 
me spread it wide open so that all the parts inside would show. Dad pointed 
out each part and named it and told me each part's function. He explained 
about menstruation, and what I would have to do when I menstruated. Once 
again he kissed my genitals. He told me all these things in almost a 
whisper. I think Dad was afraid that Mom would hear us." 

"You see, I'd never before that thought of Dad or what I did with him in a 
sexual light. After he disappeared, I might not have thought of Dad and 
sex-or of sex at all-if it hadn't been for that time when he caught me 
examining myself and proceeded to tell me about sex. If it hadn't been for 
him explaining that girls like to examine themselves and if it hadn't been 
for him explaining it and some other things about sex, well...." 

Susan's voice trailed off as she contemplated the reasons why in the late 
summer of 1961 she began to think of her father in connection with sex. It 
was a difficult group of thoughts for the child to contemplate. 

In the late summer of 1961, Susan Kelley began menstruating. She recalled 
what her father had told her about this female condition and took the 
appropriate measures. 

"It was one of the few times when I felt badly about not being able to talk 
freely to Mom," Susan told me with sadness in her voice. "For some reason, 
it hadn't sounded right coming from my Dad. It didn't seem to me that he 
should have been the one to tell me about menstruation. It was strange 
getting that information from a sixty-year-old man who wasn't even a doctor. 
Mom should have told me. Once I started to menstruate I would have liked to 
talk about it with Mom, but ... but I just couldn't and she didn't approach 
me about it. I guess it wasn't really necessary. After the first couple of 
months everything was fine. I knew what to do. But, still, it would have 
been nice to talk to Mom about it...." 

In August, 1961, Susan had her twelfth birthday. The latter part of that 
month Mrs. Kelley took the youngster shopping for clothes for the coming 
school year. In contrast to the shopping trips she had taken with her 
father, on this one Susan was given wide freedom of choice about what she 
would buy. Her mother did not force choices on her; Susan was free to make 
up her own mind. Susan took a long time to make up her mind on this shopping 
trip. It was so unusual. The girl just wasn't accustomed to making up her 
own mind on these matters. 

Susan Kelley began the seventh grade in September, 1961. She had never been 
an outgoing person, but with the departure of her father she became 
downright withdrawn. The teachers at the junior high school she attended did 
not know what her personality had been at her elementary school, so they 
accepted her shy, withdrawn personality as her natural mood. 

By the time she began seventh grade, her old classmates knew about the 
disappearance of her father. Since this disappearance was unexplained, 
Susan's old friends-mostly due to orders by their parents-began to shun the 
twelve-year-old girl. To them, she developed a negative quality, as if her 
father's absence from home made her something evil. Susan had never 
developed any close friendships, but in school she did have friends. 
(Possibly the term "acquaintances" is more descriptive.) Now, in the autumn 
of 1961, she didn't even have these. Her fellow students would talk to her, 
but the conversation never got very friendly. Their conversations with her 
were cool and mechanical. The coolness the other students showed toward her 
didn't bother Susan. She was use to having only one friend. She only needed 
this one friend-her father. But he was gone now. 

But young people are wonderful at adjusting. Susan adjusted to this new life 
in the manner one might easily predict. She became quiet and withdrawn, and 
did her schoolwork in a mechanical, perfunctory way. Because she thought so 
much about her father; because she was so insecure without him; because she 
worried so much, her grades suffered. In elementary school Susan's grades 
had not been excellent, but they had been slightly above average. In junior 
high school her grades ran mostly to Cs; occasionally even below that. The 
massive memory of her father was weighing too heavily on her mind. 

The year Susan Kelley was in the seventh grade was a torturous year. It was 
the period when the youngster had to allow the reality of her father's 
disappearance to permeate her whole being. It was the period when she had to 
adjust to the actuality of his loss. 

Actions and reactions. 

Susan performed the action of adjusting in reaction to her father's 
disappearance. By the time she was in the eighth grade, Susan once more 
could smile. No more was she in a constantly depressed mood. Her teachers 
noticed this change in personality and no doubt were happy about it. Susan's 
grades improved somewhat. 

She was still to be avoided, the other students thought. Susan's fellow 
classmates were still not as friendly to her as they had been when they were 
in elementary school. They were not unfriendly-just "cautious." 

For several years after the day in 1961 when Susan learned of her father's 
disappearance, each day seemed like each other day. Her life was monotonous. 

"It was the same thing done at the same time done in the same way," Susan 
told me. 

Yet, young Susan Kelley didn't really mind it. Except for the things her 
father had done with her, Susan hadn't learned to like anything of the 
"outside world." Her world had been tied up in the person of one man, her 
father. She had developed no interests beyond him. The monotony didn't 
bother her because she, until several years later, didn't realize it 
existed. Harry Kelley had conditioned his daughter to look to him for every 
cue to action. When he dropped from sight, Susan had no built-in cues to 
action. She had none and developed no outside interests. That's how 
effective Harry Kelley's brainwashing had been. 

In the first couple of years after Mr. Kelley disappeared, Susan spent most 
of her time watching for him in the hope that one fine day he would suddenly 
reappear. Her mind was consumed by thoughts of the sixty-year-old man who 
had vanished for no reasonno reason known to Susan, that is. 

But that didn't mean that Susan was unaware of that which was going on 
around her. Susan was aware of her fellow student's reaction to her and her 
father's disappearance. She knew that she was being rejected by them, though 
it took her a month or two to find out why. Susan was not made happy by this 
rejection, but it did not weigh heavily on her mind. After all, the only 
person in the world she cared for was her daddy. It was his reactions and 
responses that counted in her life. 

And, too, Susan for the first time in her life was aware of her mother and 
her feelings, function, and future. Susan began to see her mother in a 
different light. No longer did Susan see her just as that person who 
prepared meals and did the housework. The youngster saw her mother as the 
person who now had the responsibility that once belonged to her father. Mrs. 
Kelley had become the breadwinner and protector of young Susan. For the 
first time in her life, Susan Kelley saw her mother as a mother and not just 
as a body who happened to live with her and her father. Susan developed a 
favorable impression of her mother for the first time in her life. 

Young Susan began to have a lot of sympathy for her mother. 

"Until Mom made me do the housework I never realized the kind of life she 
must lead," said Susan in one interview. "I began to understand what her 
life must be like. I thought about the way Dad and I had treated her. We had 
never included her in on anything. We had ignored her, as if she was not a 
living, feeling thing. We had treated her the way we treated our television 
set-as an object to be used at our convenience. Yes, for several years after 
Dad left us, I could sympathize with Mom." 

Susan may have sympathized with her mother, but she didn't love her. 

"Maybe it was too late for love," Susan observed. 

"Mom and I ... we had been strangers too long. Now she was gone all day and 
very tired when she got home in the evening. We didn't really have time to 
get to know each other, if you know what I mean. In fact, most of the first 
year after Mom started working, she'd come home and eat supper, then go 
right to bed. In the mornings, she'd usually be gone by the time I left for 
school, so I didn't really see her then. And, as you know, Dad was on my 
mind a lot...." 

A situation such as Susan faced is almost too much for a person of that age. 
Never in a normal person's life do things change as fast as in the period 
which begins with the entrance into junior high school and ends at about the 
end of senior high school (roughly, ages twelve to eighteen). The social 
structure changes. It is necessary to make new friends. A new and immense 
desire for acceptance by the group is felt. A person becomes aware of how 
others feel about oneself. It is as if the spotlight was turned on one all 
the time. Attention is paid to the mannerisms and personality of one's 
classmates and oneself. As if this wasn't enough, there are the physical 
changes of puberty-the sudden and dramatic growth, and the sexual changes. 
The whole world seems to change! 

Actions and reactions. 

The majority of people who pass through puberty and the high school society 
adjust to the demands of both and emerge as more or less mature adult. Some 
people emerge at the end of high school with certain scars left by their 
fellow students, yet still able to cope with the world in an acceptable way. 
A few persons emerge at the end of their high school experience with 
personalities so warped by some event and or experience that they could 
never view the world in a "normal" fashion. 

Susan was one of those who could easily have gotten out of high school with 
severe scars which might never have healed. Her view of the world might have 
been so rotten that she would never trust anyone again as long as she lived. 
It happens that Susan left high school before graduation as an embittered 
young lady, yet, in her way, coping with the world and what it threw at her. 

Susan Kelley was just fourteen when she entered the ninth grade; the first 
year of senior high school. A lot had happened between the time, two 
Septembers ago, when she entered seventh grade; the first year of junior 
high school. Susan had developed her own system for coping with the coolness 
the other students showed toward her. She had become more shy and withdrawn 
than she had been in elementary school. And Susan had developed physically. 
The girl was of average fourteen-year-old build, with hazel eyes and 
charcoal black hair. Puberty had done its job of bringing out sexual 
characteristics. Her bust, so she told me, measured about thirty-four or 
thirty-five inches; her waist, twenty inches; and her hips, thirty inches. 
It was a striking figure for one so young to have. 

Obviously, a girl with measurements like that is not going to go unnoticed 
for long. While not too many people noticed her and her figure in junior 
high school, Susan was acutely aware that they noticed it in the beginning 
of senior high school. From the first day, the young lady received glances 
which told her that she was "more" to her fellow students than most other 
girls. 

"On the first day of high school a boy whistled at me," said Susan to me 
with a giggle in her voice. 

The boys did more than whistle at her. They rapidly sized her up. The 
consensus of opinion was that she was very pretty, sexy, and desirable. Had 
Susan Kel ley been an outgoing, gregarious person, certainly she would have 
been picked up (or rather, picked out) by a boy who might have showed her 
what heterosexual love between two persons of the same age was like. But 
Susan's withdrawn personality was against that. Even to the people at 
Seville High School who had not known what she was like in junior high 
school and who had no knowledge of her father's disappearance, Susan Kelley 
was unapproachable. A strange halo hung over her, like some sort of 
protective shield. The shield did not allow Susan to reach out to her fellow 
students, nor did it allow them to reach her. The shield had been 
constructed by Harry Kelley. It was very well made; invisible but very, very 
strong. But there was a crack in the shield, a crack of which no one was 
particularly conscious. In a while another person would creep through to 
Susan by way of the crack. 

To say that Susan was withdrawn in the beginning of her high school career 
is to sell her short. True, her personality was withdrawn, but this does not 
at all mean that she was unaware that the boys noticed her. 

"Dad explained just before he disappeared that by the time I was in high 
school boys would notice me, just as they notice all girls," Susan related. 
"Dad told me why the boys would be watching girls. He explained that the 
older boys in high school would be, well, out for kicks. He told me to be 
careful around the boys. Dad said that any sort of 'provocation' might 
excite them and I could be in real trouble. Boys have been known to shove 
girls into school closets and take liberties with them, Dad said. He told me 
that if a boy ever tried anything on me I should keep my legs together and 
if possible hit him in the genitals. Dad didn't say what to do if a gang of 
boys ever jumped me, and at eleven years of age I didn't ask. The thought of 
rape never crossed my mind. When Dad was telling me about such things I was 
just too young to know about-about boys in general." 

Mrs. June Kelley knew the boys would be watching. 

"By the time Susan was in the eighth grade it was clear what kind of body my 
girl was going to have," Mrs. Kelley told me. "She was almost as big through 
the chest when she was fourteen as I was when I was in my mid-twenties. She 
was wide and curvy through the hips, too. If you'll pardon the expression 
mister, my daughter had a sexy body by the time she was a freshman in high 
school. She had sexy movement too. Not intentionally, mind you, but it was 
there. I knew the boys would be looking long and hard at her in high school. 
I could almost hear them panting the day she left for her first day in high 
school. I know what's on those teen aged boys' minds! I wasn't born 
yesterday! In fact, mister, I was hoping they'd look...." 

Mrs. Kelley's voice faded out, as though she wanted to explain her last 
statement-which, in fact, she later did. 

It took only a couple of weeks before a few boys-juniors and seniors in the 
high school, began to seek out and talk to Susan Kelley, the shy freshman. 
They would catch her in the halls, slide alongside the pretty brunette, 
mumble some sort of introduction, and ask her for a date for the approaching 
weekend. Susan would coolly and mechanically turn them down, and the boys 
would go off rather dejected that they had not been able to impress her 
favorably. Fourteen-year-old Susan might have liked to accept, but Harry 
Kelley's brainwashing had taught her that she must not even talk with a 
boy-much less go out with him-without the approval of her father. With her 
father's various teachings about boys running around in her head and with 
her father absent now from her life, Susan subconsciously rejected any 
approach a boy made. 

It was not a case that she disliked boys or that they somehow offended her 
best senses. Her general attitude toward boys was favorable enough. Atfer 
all, her father was a boy; a male, as were the high school boys. But her 
father was a special male, different from all other males. And he was the 
male who had erected a barrier to all other males. 

During her entire freshman year Susan turned away all boys who made any sort 
of advance toward her. However, she looked longingly at them, for, in a 
mystical way, they reminded her of her beloved father whose disappearance 
she did not yet understand. She looked more longingly at the male teachers 
in the high school, particularly the older ones, since they more directly 
evoked memories of the girl's missing father. 

"In particular, there was Mr. Lowe," Susan said, recalling the teachers who 
most reminded her of her father. "He was a white-haired man who must have 
been about sixty. Sixty is how old Dad was when he disappeared in 1961. I 
remember that Mr. Lowe had about the same build as Dad. He even had the same 
color eyes. He was a real nice man, like Dad was. Mr. Lowe taught biology, 
and the year I had it I don't think I took very many notes on his lectures. 
I was too busy looking at him, you know. Mr. Lowe had a strange effect on 
me. I felt that I would do just about anything he wanted me to do. I would 
have died for him, I think." 

"Do you think you were in love with him?" I asked. 

"Maybe. Yes ... yes I think so! Now that you mention it, I think I was in 
love with him the same way I was in love with my father. Sometimes at night 
when I was thinking and dreaming about Dad, I'd see Mr. Lowe's face in place 
of Dad's. I'd imagine what it was like to be kissed by him. I wondered if it 
would be the same as being kissed by Dad. A few times I think I was on the 
verge of asking Mr. Lowe to kiss me. A few times I stayed after school and 
asked him if I could help him straighten up the biology lab. He let me do 
that a couple of times. And when Mr. Lowe would appear in my dreams, I 
sometimes would wonder what his body was like. I'd wonder if it was like 
Dad's. I'd wonder what it would be like to have Mr. Lowe kiss my genitals 
the way Dad did. I dreamed about Mr. Lowe lying down with me, and about him 
having me take out his penis and caress it. I wondered what his penis felt 
like. And I wondered if his penis would feel the way Dad's did if he were to 
lay it on my split and move it around. Sometimes I'd dream about Mr. Lowe 
putting his male organ between my legs. I'd even put a hand down there and 
rub myself to make it seem more real. When I got excited, I'd imagine Mr. 
Lowe having an ejaculation on me. I wondered if his sperm would look like 
Dad's, or whether different men had different types and colors of sperm." 

The elderly Mr. Lowe wasn't the only male teacher who seemed to affect Susan 
Kelley. 

"There was a Mr. Rule, who was only about forty," recalled Susan. "He was a 
very friendly man, a teacher all the kids liked. He gave all of us a lot of 
individual help in his algebra class. He was a great kidder. We always had a 
lot of laughs in his class. He liked to go around the room helping his 
students with their algebra, and as he did that he would often put his hands 
on a student's shoulders. It did something to me when he did that. I could 
feel a kind of chill go up and down my back. Sometimes when he put his hands 
on me, I'd close my eyes for a moment and try to remember Dad doing that. 
When Mr. Rule touched me, it helped to bring back certain memories of Dad. 
I'd remember what Dad did to me with his hands-how he petted my face, how he 
rubbed my back, how he caressed me between the legs, and so on. 

"And there was Mr. Conley, the music teacher. He was pretty young-I'd guess 
he was around twenty-five when I took required high school music. He 
reminded me of Dad only in that Dad used to occasionally sing to me, 
especially when I was young. I guess you'd say that he didn't really sing-he 
hummed more than anything else. Sometimes when Dad and I did ... did the 
sexual thing, we had the radio turned on. So Mr. Conley reminded me of Dad 
because he too sang. Once or twice a year Seville High would have a musical 
assembly and Mr. Conley would do a few solos. I'd think of Dad then, and 
some of the things we use to do to music. But actually no one matched Mr. 
Lowe when it came to reminding me of Dad." 

In August of 1964 Susan turned fifteen, and that September she began her 
second (sophomore) year at Seville High School. Her mother, as in summers 
past, had not allowed Susan to go outside the Kelley property without being 
accompanied by her. Therefore, Susan's summer had been dull and dead. She 
had plenty of leisure time. Much of this time she spent in repose on her bed 
thinking about her departed father. She contrasted her life before and after 
the summer of 1961. Each summer since 1961 she had so much free time that 
she could almost constantly think of Harry Kelley. She thought on his 
teachings, his personality, and the love he once showered on her. Over the 
summer Susan had made up her mind (as she had made up her mind at the 
beginning of her freshman year) to ignore the passes the boys made at her. 

So Susan Kelley began her sophomore year by still being cool to the boys 
who, once more, tried to be friendly toward her. The boys who had tried to 
make friends with her the year before largely ignored her, though a few 
thought she might have changed over the summer and would be worth 
approaching this year. Most of the boys who tried to talk to Susan in the 
beginning of her sophomore year were boys who had not noticed her the year 
previous or who were new to the school. But all the boys received a uniform 
cold shoulder from the very pretty, sexy, desirable Susan Kelley. 

"I could see how lonely she was, how moody she could be on most occasions," 
Mrs. June Kelley told me. "I knew this whole thing was hard on Susan, but 
there wasn't anything I could do about it. I didn't make the situation we 
were in, now did I? Many times I wanted to tell that girl why her father had 
left home, but, well, I didn't think she'd understand just yet. I planned to 
tell her the story when she graduated from high school. By the time she was 
old enough to be a high school graduate, I figured she'd be old enough to 
understand. In the meantime, I knew that Harry would be on my daughter's 
mind. Believe me, mister, I knew what kind of hold my husband had on that 
child! I knew how he wanted her to run to him for everything. I knew how he 
wanted her to depend on him for all of life's little wants and needs! But 
now that Harry was gone, I didn't want Susan to just sit around waiting for 
him to come back. I wanted her to be like the other kids. Good night, 
mister! I wanted my girl to be normal and accepted by the other kids." 

Mrs. Kelley paused a moment to let the import of what she had said soak in. 

"So, that's why I started talking to Susan about ... about going out with 
some boys," she continued. "In September of 1964 I figured she was old 
enough-she was fifteen then-to have a few dates. I wanted to get her mind 
off Harry. So I tried to talk her into being friendly with the crowd at high 
school. I knew the boys must at least be looking at her. I use to ask her 
about them. I'd ask if she'd spoken to a boy that day-you know, statements 
like that. I'd ask her if she wouldn't like to go out with some of her high 
school friends. I told her that I certainly wouldn't object to her going out 
in the evening as long as she was home at a reasonable hour." 

"The beginning of my sophomore year, Mom started to push this business about 
going out with boys," Susan told me. "She said I ought to go out; I'd enjoy 
it. She said I needed it! She'd ask what boy had spoken to me recently. She 
wanted to know their names and addresses, and how I liked them. I kept 
telling her that I didn't speak to boys. I told her I wasn't interested in 
them or in going out with anyone, male or female, from that high school. But 
good ol' Mom, she just kept prying. I got the third degree almost every 
evening. I got furious with Mom. Sometimes I'd just get up and walk out of 
the room." 

"Harry had put the pressure on Susan to not have any friends in school," 
related Mrs. Kelley. "I felt that I had to counter that by putting pressure 
on her to seek friends. That's why I kept after her to develop some 
friendships in school. I would have liked it-and I let her know it-if the 
friends were some nice, eligible boys." 

Her mother's pushing the boy issue simply hardened Susan's attitude toward 
boys. Her father's warnings about males rang louder than ever in the young 
lady's ears. 

Mrs. Kelley could see that she was getting nowhere on the problem, so about 
December she quit talking about boys. 

"I just hoped and prayed that Susan didn't reject friendships for her whole 
life," Mrs. Kelley commented. "I didn't want her to just sit around and wait 
for Harry to come back so he could approve any friends she might want to 
have. I hoped that some day soon Susan would begin to live her own life, if 
you understand me." Actions and reactions. 

The hate Susan felt for her mother deepened as a result of her mother's 
trying to get her to break away from the spell Harry Kelley had cast on her. 
Susan was still within her father's invisible grasp. His brainwashing was 
still effective. 

Harry Kelley's goal had been to make his daughter look to him for all 
pleasure. Nothing in life was supposed to have a positive value unless the 
child's father had put his stamp of approval on it. As we have seen, Mr. 
Kelley's brainwashing had been tremendously effective. When he disappeared, 
Susan, in one respect, stopped living. She withdrew into herself and 
rejected the influence of any outside stimuli. She thought constantly of her 
beloved father. We may well say that Harry Kelley had achieved his goal with 
Susan. 

We may say also that Harry Kelley achieved his goal too well. Susan was 
frantic for the touch and inspiration of her father. Many nights she lay 
tossing and turning in worry and fear over the loss of her father. She 
needed his presence to go on living. Harry Kelley had planned it that way. 

Susan Kelley could not forever be content with just remembering her father. 
She needed his physical attention too much. It was not just his spirit which 
made the youngster love the old man, it was his touch and body too. 

At first it hadn't been too hard for Susan to live without her father, 
because there was hope in her heart that he would return soon. But as the 
years dragged on she could tell that it was un-likely that he would return. 

The darkest of thoughts about her father's fate became the clearest, most 
logical solution to the mystery of his disappearance-i.e., that he had died. 
Susan never allowed this idea to become the final answer to the riddle of 
Harry Kelley's disappearance. She always had some faith that he was alive 
and would someday return to her. Yet, the possibility of death was 
strong.... 

Soon it was spring, 1965. It had been almost four years since Harry Kelley 
had mysteriously vanished from his home in Seville. It had been a 
terrifically long time for Susan to endure the absence of her father. It may 
be properly said that Susan was slowly but surely going crazy for need of 
the return of the man to whom she looked for all goodness and pleasure. 

This was the crack in the invisible, protective shield which Harry Kelley 
had constructed for Susan to keep her from contact with the rest of the 
world. Harry Kelley had made his physical being so important in the life of 
Susan that she could not live without it and keep her sanity. Possibly if 
Mr. Kelley had not caressed Susan so often, if he had not sexually played 
with her, if he had not made his touch virtually the basis of their 
relationship, then Susan might merely have contemplated his "spiritual" 
qualities and waited patiently for his return. But that was not the way it 
was. She needed something more physical than the memory of Harry Kelley's 
"spiritual" qualities. 

So in the spring of 1965, the boys in Seville High School began to look 
better and better to young Miss Susan Kelley. She did not just suddenly turn 
to them. For her, acceptance of the attentions of the boys at Seville High 
was a slow, intellectual process. It took courage on her part to break with 
the idea of waiting for her father to return, and then accepting the young 
men in her high school as substitutes for him. In the spring of 1965, Susan 
was tiring of her mother being the only other person with whom she was 
closely associated. She needed a male in her young life. Adolescent girls 
tend to need a man in their lives somewhere, and this was especially true 
for Susan since she had gone so long without the presence of her father. 

"I ... I wanted to be around a man again," confessed Susan. "I ... I would 
have liked it to be my Dad, but, as you know, it couldn't be. So, I thought 
it might be all right to go out with one of the boys from school. I knew why 
I wanted to go out with a boy, and I must tell you I had some doubts about 
my reasons. But, you see, I was getting so-so 'housebound' and so darn tired 
of always being around Mom that I thought I had to get out. I wanted my Dad, 
but I knew I couldn't have him. I thought maybe going out once or twice with 
a boy would relieve the pressure, so to speak." 

It must have seemed like an awfully sudden change to the boys when Susan, 
the black-haired, quiet beauty, started to smile and say hello to some of 
their number. The suddenness of this change in attitude didn't bother the 
boys. They were happy for it. The young men who had previously given up on 
ever attracting the sexy girl's attention approached her with renewed vigor. 
Susan's smile, manners, and speech were maybe a little forced, but they were 
also effective. Greetings were exchanged, smiles smiled, conversations held. 
The boys were cautious with her. Many of them knew how cool she had been and 
how she had turned down all offers of dates. It took them a couple of weeks 
to warm up to this new face Susan showed them and to work up enough courage 
to ask her out. 

The boy who finally decided to ask out the now friendly Susan Kelley was 
Herb Tanner. Herb was a year ahead of Susan in school, and was delighted 
when she accepted his invitation to a movie. Susan was happy that he had 
asked. Herb was a big, strong boy with a quick smile and many friends in 
school. He came from the wealthiest neighborhood in Seville. To Susan, he 
seemed to be the type of person her father was-friendly, fun to be with. She 
could see many of her father's features in Herb. 

"I was a little worried about what Mom would think about me going out, 
though I should have known I didn't have to worry about her reaction to the 
idea," Susan told me. "After all, just a short time earlier she'd been 
practically threatening my life if I didn't go out with a boy! When I told 
her I was going out with Herb, her eyes lit up. It was the first time in a 
long time that I could remember her smiling." 

"Yes, I was very happy about it," commented Mrs. Kelley. "I hoped this would 
be the ice-breaker. I hoped that some boy would make her live and forget 
Harry." 

Susan was apprehensive about her date with Herb. She so much wanted him 
merely to be a young Harry Kelley! Her whole rationale for going out with a 
boy at all was to find someone who would in some way take the place of the 
only person in the world she had ever felt close to-her own father. She 
asked herself whether or not Herb would satisfy the longing in her mind and 
body for a substitute for her father. Until he had taken her out, she would 
not know how he suited the role she wanted him to play. 

Before, during, and after the movie, Herb Tanner played the perfect 
gentleman. Susan enjoyed him. She found him attractive and restrained. He 
was cautious and careful with her. 

It seems to me that there was a good reason for Herb's restraint. Susan had 
had an air of mystery about her all the years she had been in school. Her 
change from cool to warm personality probably caused young Mr. Tanner to 
exercise great caution in his initial realizations with her. How could he 
know that she might not suddenly go cool on him if he was too friendly? How 
could he know whether or not she might not just get up and leave him right 
there in the theater if he made a false move? He knew nothing of her 
personal background, other than what he could observe in high school. He had 
no way of knowing what she was looking for in him. He knew nothing of her 
rather incestuous relationship with her father. So Herb Tanner approached 
the fifteen-year-old girl with great care. He didn't want to lose her. 

Susan found Herb so attractive and enough like that which she was looking 
for that when he asked her for a date for the following Saturday night, that 
she accepted at once. She didn't say much about Herb to her mother; and Mrs. 
Kelley, not wishing to spoil the arrangement, did not press questions about 
him on her daughter. 

On the second date Herb had greater courage than on the first date. Susan 
allowed the young man to touch her hand, and she recalled that he actually 
held it for a while. The pair seemed to be getting along in grand style, so 
Susan anxiously accepted Herb's invitation for another movie date. 

"After that second date, I thought I'd really found someone who might take 
Dad's place," Susan recalled. "Herb was kind and gentle like Dad had been. 
In the week between our second and third date, I started to dream about Herb 
and Dad. I guess you'd say I was comparing them. I guess I even vaguely 
compared them right after the first date, but it wasn't until after the 
second date-when I decided Herb was so good that I really began comparing. 
Herb seemed so much like Dad, as though-as though Dad was somehow in Herb. I 
wanted Herb to be Dad. After that second date I would dream of the two of 
them and how they were alike. I began to want to be around Herb all the 
time, like I had been around Dad all the time. I wanted to be touched and 
kissed by Herb. I-I wanted to encourage Herb to do that." 

"I remember Herb Tanner-not well, but I remember him," Mrs. Kelley told me. 
"He seemed very nice. He obviously came from a rich family. The boy was 
dressed very well every time I saw him. When he came to our house, he came 
in a new, fancy car. I'm not much on identifying cars, but I could tell it 
was an expensive one, like an Oldsmobile or Buick. I was very glad my 
daughter was going out with him. He seemed so nice-so right for her." 

"On our third date I let Herb hold me and kiss me," Susan said with a rather 
far away look in her eyes. "It was nice. So nice! Do you know that I hadn't 
been kissed in four years? I'd missed Dad's kisses and caresses and ... 
well, I hoped that Herb was going to make up for that. He was so much like 
my Daddy!" 

Here Susan nearly cried, remembering how much young Herb had been like the 
father she loved and had lost. 

"I wanted things to be so good between Herb and myself," she continued. 
"Maybe I was like a lot of other teen-aged girls. I had marriage on my mind. 
I began to think about marrying Herb some day. And I hoped that he had the 
same thing on his mind. After that third date, my dreams were all of Herb. I 
just pushed Dad out of my mind-for the moment. I dreamed a lot about what 
Herb and I could to make it like-shall I say, old times? I dreamed about 
Herb's kisses, Herb's touch, and-what Herb's penis must be like. I began to 
have dreams about Herb like I use to have about that nice Mr. Lowe, the 
biology teacher. 

Almost every night after that third date I would lie in bed and think how 
nice it would be if Herb would let me teach his penis. I wanted to do the 
things for Herb feat I'd done for Dad. I wanted to make his male Organ hard 
and erect. I wanted to feel it between my legs. I wanted to help Herb have 
an ejaculation, and I wanted him to hold me after he did like Dad use to do. 
I-I wanted Herb so much that it was driving me crazy!" 

"You thought about him constantly, like you'd thought about your father in 
the past?" I interjected. 

"Yes. Each day I could hardly wait until I could see him. I didn't pay any 
attention to what was going on in class. I was barely getting my homework 
done. There were several tests in this period and I did poorly on all of 
them. He'd call me a couple of times a week. I could hardly wait for those 
calls, mister." 

"You worried a lot about your relationship with him?" 

"Yes. I wanted it to be good and lasting." 

"Did you feel jealous? Were you afraid someone else might attract Herb?" 

Susan considered the question a minute. 

"Well, now that you mention it, I guess I did. I wanted him so much...." 

Susan Kelley's reaction to Herb was not an uncommon one for a teen-aged girl 
to have toward a boy. One of the most common things in the world is for a 
teen-aged girl to fall madly in love with a teen-aged boy. Each one of the 
partners in such an arrangement is afraid that the other will find someone 
that person is more in love with. Also, it is far from uncommon that a girl 
will choose a boy with whom to fall in love because he reminds her of her 
own father. (It is, of course, also true that a boy sometimes chooses a girl 
to fall in love with because she reminds him of his mother.) Fears and 
anxieties are part of teen-age love arrangements. 

And all the more so in the case of Susan Kelley. Susan had a background 
different from most teen-aged girls, and her attachment to Herb Tanner was 
affected by that background. 

Action and reaction. 

It might have worked out that Herb would have been madly, permanently, and 
faithfully in love with the pretty Susan Kelley. I believe this would have 
been a good arrangement and might have solved the problems brought on by the 
disappearance of Susan's father. Harry Kelley had brainwashed Susan into 
thinking that no one could ever be as good as he could be, but Herb, in 
Susan's mind, might have come close enough. It might have worked out that 
way-but it didn't. 

"After our third date, Herb couldn't take me out again for two weeks," Susan 
related. "He had gotten a low grade in two subjects on his report card, and 
his parents had told him he couldn't go out for two weeks after that grade 
card came out. So it wasn't until the first weekend in May that Herb could 
see me outside of school again. 

"Saturday afternoon Herb called me and said that he'd been in an accident. 
It was nothing serious, but his car had had to be towed to a garage and 
would be out of commission for about a week. His parents had gone out of 
town the night before, taking their car with them. The only money he had was 
what he had put aside to pay our way to the movies that evening. So that 
Saturday afternoon Herb asked if I minded riding the bus to downtown Seville 
that evening and meeting him there in front of the theater. I said I didn't 
mind at all. I told Mom what I was going to do, and she approved. 

"The movie started at eight o'clock, so I left the house at seven-thirty. It 
took me about five minutes to walk to the bus stop, and the bus would take 
about fifteen minutes to reach downtown. 

"When I got off the bus downtown, it was still daylight. I had to walk four 
blocks to get to the theater and meet Herb. I thought I'd take a short-cut 
through an alley. I walked one block down the alley and had just entered the 
second block of the alley when it happened. There was a large loading dock 
in the first building in the second block of that alley. When I looked down 
the alley, I couldn't see anyone at all. No one! But just as I got even with 
that loading dock, I saw them. Five guys were standing up on the dock, 
leaning against the closed back door. They were all smoking cigarettes, I 
remember. All of a sudden, one of the guys throws down his smoke and says, 
'Let's take her!,' and they all jumped off the dock and grabbed me. I never 
had a chance to run-not even one small step! One guy grabbed me from behind 
and held his hand across my mouth. He dragged me over against the wall of 
the building and another guy said, 'How are we gonna take her?' " 

Susan began to cry a little. But bravely she continued her tale. 

"One of the guys said, 'Just hold her', and that's what the one guy did. 
Another guy unbuttoned my blouse and cut off my bra with a long knife. He 
began to squeeze my breasts. Someone said something about a lookout, and one 
of the guys ran to the intersection of the alleys to watch for anyone who 
might come down them. One of the other four guys who were working on me 
began to suck one of my breasts, while the guy who cut off my bra kept 
squeezing the other one. A third guy took off my skirt and ripped off my 
panties. He forced his hand between my legs. I tried to keep my legs 
together somehow, but-but I couldn't." 

Susan started to cry openly. It took her a couple of minutes to regain her 
composure. 

"T ... then one of these guys says, 'Let's do it to her. No one's coming.' 
The two guys who've been working on my breasts pick up my legs and throw me 
down. They held my legs apart while the guy who'd been holding my mouth held 
my arms and shoulders to the ground. He couldn't keep his hand over my 
mouth, and I gave out with a few cries. I don't think they were too loud. I 
was too scared to shout. Those guys, one by one got between my legs and-and 
raped me. Oh, Lord, it was painful! I was scared. It was all so unreal, so 
terrible! Those four guys took turns doing it to me, and it hurt worse and 
worse each time. Only the guy who was the lookout didn't do it. I think he 
would have done it, though, but he saw someone coming down one of the 
alleys. He yelled some sort of warning and the guys let go and ran. I 
couldn't move. The last thing I remembered was some old man who ran over to 
me and asked me what happened. He must have been the one who the lookout saw 
coming. I don't remember answering the man about what had happened. I 
believe I fainted. 

"The next thing I knew a doctor and a policeman were standing over me in the 
Seville Hospital Emergency Room. I was dazed and confused. I remember how 
sick I felt. The policeman kept asking questions, but none of them made any 
sense to me. I couldn't even hear straight. I do recall hearing the doctor 
say something about I shouldn't be questioned now. But that policeman kept 
asking questions for some time. Finally he gave up and left. I fainted 
again. 

"It wasn't until the next afternoon-Sunday afternoon-that I woke up and felt 
like talking about the rape. A policeman had been waiting since early that 
morning in order to get a statement from me. My mother, who had been told 
about what happened, and had been brought to the hospital by the police, had 
stayed with me all night. She motioned for the policeman to come in and get 
my story. All I could tell him is what I've told you. I didn't recognize any 
of those guys. I coudn't even remember what they looked like. The whole 
thing happened so fast, you know. Nevertheless, a couple of days later the 
police had me look through a lot of photos to see if I could recognize any 
of them as the people who attacked me. I couldn't. 

"The doctor confirmed that I had been raped. He said that there had been a 
lot of blood on me when I was brought in, but that as far as he could tell 
there had been no permanent physical damage to me." 

There may have been no physical damage, but there was great psychological 
damage. Susan Kelley had been raped and had lost her virginity (albeit, 
unvoluntarily) in the process. She did not know those who had committed this 
crime on her body; she could not identify them from police pictures and in 
the end they were never found. 

"They kept me in the hospital for five long days for observation, they 
said," continued Susan. "It gave me plenty of time to think this thing over. 
Each night I'd dream of that attack and sometimes I'd scream. Some nurse 
would run in with a sleeping pill and that would put me out for the rest of 
the night. Other than dreaming about being raped, I started to think about 
the purpose of that rape. I was sure there was one. 

"I-I thought it might be a punishment, maybe a punishment from God Himself, 
for being unfaithful to Dad. I had been unfaithful, you know. I was seeing 
Herb, and liking him too. I had thought dangerous thoughts about Herb; how 
he was like Dad, and how he might take Dad's place in my life. I thought 
this rape was punishment for that. I had always been true to what Dad had 
taught me about not associating with strangers, and especially about not 
letting boys get near. I had thought about Herb sexually; I had even wanted 
to hold his penis and make it ejaculate, just like I had done for Dad. God 
must be punishing me for thinking such things-that's what I thought. 

"I thought something else too, but not until my last day in the hospital. I 
thought it was possible that Dad was alive and still around Seville 
somewhere. I thought maybe he was watching me and knew about Herb. I thought 
maybe he sent those five guys to that alley to-to make me lose my virginity. 
This was his way of punishing me for going out with Herb without his okay. I 
began to think that God didn't have anything to do with it. 

"I went home on a Friday. Mom said the principal of the high school had 
called and said I didn't need to come back to school until I felt like it. 
In fact, he said I didn't have to come back at all that school year. 

"At home, Mom made me go to bed and stay there all day Friday. That gave me 
all the more time to consider the situation. I did a lot of thinking about 
Dad and Herb and the guys who'd raped me. I cried a lot that Friday. I guess 
I'd been too frightened or in too much shock to cry about it before. 
Everything was confused. I decided one thing that Friday-I decided that I 
wasn't good enough for Herb now. Dad had told me that good guys deserve to 
marry virgins, and Herb was good and I wasn't a virgin any longer. I began 
to think that that was what the rape had really meant that I wasn't to have 
Herb. 

"Herb called me the day after I was brought home. I talked with him a while. 
I couldn't bring myself to tell him that it was all over between us. But 
Sunday when he called again, I screwed up my courage and told him I couldn't 
see him any more. He wanted to know why. I couldn't come right out and tell 
him. He didn't want to hear my theories about the rape, I was sure of that. 
But he did go into a long speech about how he liked me and how he wanted to 
protect me so I wouldn't get hurt again. It was nice, almost warming, the 
way he talked. But I decided I didn't want to inflict myself on Herb, and 
that was the way it was going to be. I told him not to call again. Then I 
hung up on him and cried." Actions and reactions. 

Harry Kelley's brainwashing was still working, still grotesquely effective. 
In a sense, Susan had almost slipped from Mr. Kelley's grasp because he had 
created such a terrific need in her for a male friend, whom he thought would 
always be himself. When he disappeared, Susan had remained true to him for 
four years, but the combination of need which Mr. Kelley had built into her 
and the common adolescent desire for the companionship of a member of the 
opposite sex had caused her to turn to Herb Tanner. Now an unexpected, 
tragic ingredient had been added to the personality of Susan Kelley. She had 
lost the most precious thing-her virginity. It had been cruelly taken from 
her and there was no restoring it. Sex seemed a terrible thing now. For the 
first time she became truly aware of the terribleness of it. With her father 
and in her fantasies about other men, the sexual organs were objects of 
pleasure and symbols of stability and security. One might well say that 
Harry Kelley had cemented his weird relationship to his daughter with the 
hot, sticky sperm he ejaculated from his erect, caressed penis. It wasn't 
sex she experienced then; it was her concept of true, undying love. Susan 
wanted to re-establish the love relationship with a male, and this is why 
she turned to Herb Tanner. It is too bad the relationship didn't work out. 

The rape had changed everything. No longer could her mind dwell on the nice 
Herb Tanner as an acceptable substitute for her father. It was that idea for 
which, in Susan's mind, the rape had been punishment. For the first time, a 
certain fear of her father entered the fifteen-year-old's heart and mind. 
She had never thought of her father as a vengeful person. But now she could 
hardly think of him in any other way. Again, it was her reaction to his 
brainwashing. In the few weeks she had dated Herb Tanner, the vision and 
oppressive omnipresence of the memory of her father had nearly vanished. Now 
he was back in full force. His memory and teachings had been turned up to 
full blast in the mind of the teen-aged Susan Kelley. 

What to do! What to do! Aside from revenge for dating Herb Tanner, what did 
this taking away of the youngster's virginity mean? How should she interpret 
the terrible event? How should she react? 

Susan prayed that in some way she be given the proper meaning for the tragic 
happening. She badly needed direction in this matter. All sorts of 
alternatives went through her young head. Should she do as she had done 
before (i.e., act cool and withdrawn, minding her own business)? Should she 
meditate and pray for her father's return? Should she look for a different 
boy who-some way-would receive her father's mystical blessing? 

Susan returned to school for the last two weeks of the 1964-65 school year. 
For the time being, she decided to go back to her "old" personality. (This, 
of course, was perfectly predictable. She had tried a "new" personality; it 
had resulted in tragedy, so it was most logical to return to the safety of 
the personality she had used prior to her sexual disaster.) 

Susan had once hoped that the summer of 1965 would be filled with the 
company of Herb Tanner. But it would not be. It was filled, as the four 
previous years had been, with thoughts and memories of her departed father. 

It seems to me that the problem with Susan this summer (and it had been, in 
my opinion, the problem with her since her father's disappearance) was that 
the child had entirely too much time to think about her father. In her mind, 
he achieved a god-like status. He was too good, too unreal now that he had 
disappeared. He reached a sort of perfection in Susan's confused mind. 

Susan Kelley, using her own form of logic, reached a decision about the 
meaning of her rape by August, 1965-the month of her sixteenth birthday. To 
Susan, her crime against her "perfect and good" father had been that she had 
mistrusted him and the possibility that he would one day again enter her 
life. She had sought out Herb Tanner when she should have waited for a sign 
from her father. As a punishment for her slip from devotion for her father, 
she had been raped. Harry Kelley had told her that a woman's most prized 
possession was her purity in being a virgin until marriage, and now that 
valuable asset had been snatched from her. When she turned to Herb Tanner 
for comfort and companionship, she fell from grace in the eyes of her 
father. Whether her punishment was from divine powers or by direction of her 
own father, she did not know. At any rate, she was sure that her rape was 
punishment! Nothing could dissuade her from that idea. 

Now, because of the lack of faith she had showed for her father, she was an 
unworthy. This is Susan's reclassification of herself. The term for her has 
only an abstract meaning, but roughly we can say that it means she felt she 
was now worthless; her life useless and abstract. No worthwhile man would 
want her, she felt. Her own father would now reject her because she had let 
him down. She had not trusted in his omnipotent powers (which, of course, he 
didn't really possess). In a sense, life was all over for the youngster. Why 
fight anymore to be the pure, "right," moral person her father had wanted 
her to be. She just wasn't "pure" any longer! Actions and reactions. 

In a manner of speaking, Susan's rape, regardless of how terrible the 
incident itself was, had set her free. Her reaction to that terrible act was 
to stop trying to be her father's ultra-devoted subject. It is, however, 
very unfortunate that in breaking with her father she developed the feeling 
of uselessness and unworthiness. For Susan, the actions she took as a result 
of her reaction to her rape were unfortunate. 

It seemed to Susan that there was no point in her staying around Seville. 
For a number of reasons, the town was now just a collection of bitter 
memories for her. She couldn't love her mother; she was now unworthy of her 
father. Too many things in her home and the town reminded her of her father, 
whom she had tried, but failed, to please. Seville was depressing. Why 
should she bother with it any longer? 

Susan might have run away by the time school started that September, but she 
lacked courage to make that move-for the moment, at least. Susan had been so 
well insulated from the real world outside her home and school that she 
simply wasn't sure how to run away from home. 

"I knew for a fact that I didn't want to be living in Seville, but I didn't 
know what I'd do someplace else," said Susan. "That problem was about 
driving me buggy! I took to pacing the floor of my bedroom every night, 
planning to run away, but not knowing how to do that, and not knowing where 
to go when and if I did run away. A few times I even wrote down certain 
plans for escaping, but each time some question would come up in my mind and 
I'd give up the idea for a week or so." 

I asked Susan what self-asked questions would come to her mind as she 
contemplated running away from home. 

"Two questions, mainly," she replied. "One was, where would I get the money 
to pay for a ticket on a bus or train or something? It takes money to run 
away, you know. The second question was, what would I do when I got to 
wherever it was I was going? You see, the whole thing was a financial 
question." 

And so Susan stayed with her mother and in September began her junior year 
in high school. 

To Susan Kelley, it seemed as though this home imprisonment might well go on 
forever. She could not formulate a workable plan for escape. Since she had 
been raised in a manner which made depending on herself very difficult, we 
could logically expect Susan to have a hard time in planning an escape from 
home. She simply could not think ahead in the way necessary to be a truly 
successful runaway. Something would have to force her hand. Something would 
have to give her a push. If that push was not provided, then Susan would 
remain a prisoner of her home and of her past until maturity, experience, 
and/or circumstance gave her the courage to make some sort of break with her 
present home life. 

In school, Susan did the poorest work of her academic career. Someone who 
has recently been raped and was in so severely a depressed state of mind 
could hardly be expected to do good school work. In fact, I would consider 
it abnormal if Susan had done good work. 

"I didn't do well in school that year, and my teachers noticed that right 
away," Susan related to me. "My home-room teacher called me in about the 
middle of November to talk about my grades. This was right after the first 
report card of the year had come out. I'd gotten a lot of Ds. Well, the 
home-room teacher and I talked about those grades for about thirty minutes, 
and that was it." 

Susan did not discuss her father, home situation, or the rape. The talk 
between Susan and her teacher was apparently fruitless. Susan's grades did 
not improve. The reason was, to put it simply, that the girl had no interest 
in school. Too many other things were pressing on her mind. 

"I met Tom Kinnic at the store where we both worked," June Kelley told me. 
"One day in November we happened to sit together in the employee's cafeteria 
and struck up a conversation. I found out that he was recently widowed and 
that his wife had left him well provided for. He didn't say just what he 
meant by 'well provided for,' but I guessed that he meant that she'd left 
him a fair amount of money. He was just a seventy-five dollar a week men's 
wear salesman. He said something about taking off for a couple of years and 
just finding another job when he felt like it. You can see where I got the 
idea that he must have come into some money. Tom was, well, youngish-maybe 
in his early forties, though he didn't look over thirty-five-and that's what 
gave me the idea. Really, I don't know what made it pop into my head, but as 
he sat there telling me about himself, I thought that Susan would sure make 
a nice wife for him. Mrs. Susan Kinnic. It had a nice ring to it." 

"And so did the money that went with Mr. Kinnic?" 

I interjected. 

"Yes. Yes, I admit that now," said Jane Kelley, looking toward the floor. 
"Money had been such a problem, especially since Harry left. But, too, I 
really was thinking of Susan's future happiness. I knew that she couldn't go 
on living with just me forever. She ought to be looking for someone to take 
care of her. This Tom Kinnic seemed to be just the sort of fellow I'd have 
liked her to wind up with. If Susan did marry him, it would take her off my 
financial back and-and he might have helped me out too in the financial 
department. I'll admit it-I was being selfish about trying to tie up Susan 
with Tom." 

"Mom had been real good about not discussing that attack on me," said Susan. 
"She said at the time that what those guys did to me was terrible and that 
they should be caught and punished. She said that I mustn't think about it 
and mustn't think all boys are like those guys. Then she dropped the 
subject. One day in late November-or maybe it was early December-she 
suddenly starts talking about men and sex. 'Not all men are like the ones 
who raped you,' she says. 'Don't let it ruin your life,' she says. 'You had 
such a nice time with Herb-why don't you get another guy?' she says. This 
was exactly what I didn't want her to start doing-convincing me that just 
because some guys attacked me, it doesn't mean that they're all bad. Well, 
anyhow, I already knew that! Every once in a while Mom had the habit of 
harping on something, and I had hoped that she wouldn't harp on that. Maybe 
I should have known that she was leading up to something.... 

"A week or so after she began rattling her mouth about how I shouldn't fear 
all men, she said she'd run into a guy she thought I'd like a lot if I got 
to know him. His name was Tom Kinnic. He worked where Mom worked. She said 
that if I got to know him, I'd so? that there really are nice guys in the 
world and that they can make a girl feel very nice and needed. Well sir, I 
tuned her out on that, but she kept going on and on about it until I was 
ready to scream. So, one cold December Saturday, I went with Mom to the 
store and got a look at this Tom Kinnic." 

From the time she met him, Mrs. Kelley had been building up Mr. Kinnic for a 
meeting with (or, at any rats, a glance at) Susan. June Kelley had forced 
her way into one small comer of Tom Kinnic's life; just enough so that he 
would talk with her and allow her to plant the idea that she had a daughter 
in whom he might be "interested." By exactly what process he came around to 
the idea that he might be interested in sixteen-year-old Susan I can not 
say, (since I never interviewed him.) He did indicate enough interest so 
that June Kelley was anxious to have her daughter at the store at a time 
convenient for a "planned-accidental" meeting with him. 

"Mom was scheduled to work only that afternoon, so we reached the store 
about eleven-thirty in the morning in order to eat lunch before she had to 
go on duty," Susan related to me. "We ate in the employees' cafeteria. We no 
sooner sat down than this Tom Kinnic came over to sit with us. He was a 
fairly handsome guy. He looked like he might be in his late thirties, which 
sort of surprised me. I had expected someone in his twenties. Mom never said 
anything about his age, so, you know, I expected someone sorta close to my 
own age. Tom sat down and was very pleasant. I had had a lot of bad thoughts 
about men ever since the raae but when I met him those thoughts vanished. He 
seemed so nice." 

"And possibly he reminded you of your father...." I put in. 

"Well, maybe," Susan answered. "Anyhow, we seemed to hit off as if by magic. 
Mom was pleased-it showed all over her face. We all talked about the weather 
and some other stupid subjects like you often do when you don't really have 
anything to talk about. Lunchtime ended and Tom went his way and Mom and I 
went ours. Mom gave me twenty dollars and told me to go shopping and to a 
movie if I wanted to. I spent the rest of the afternoon wandering around the 
shopping center. I decided not to take in the movie that was playing at the 
shopping center's theater." 

"Tom said he really was impressed by Susan right off the bat," June Kelley 
informed me. "He said something like, she looked like she had possibilities. 
I told Tom that she wasn't dating anyone at the moment, and that I was sure 
she'd like to go out with him. All he had to do was call. I gave him our 
telephone number." 

"Well, I guess I was happy when he called me for a date," said Susan. "I 
thought maybe going out would take my mind off the other problems. He seemed 
nice enough. He wanted to take me to a dance the week before Christmas. I 
had to tell him that I didn't dance. We settled on a movie for the next 
Friday night." 

At first it must have seemed to Susan that Tom Kinnic was a sort of older, 
second Herb Tanner-a nice guy who might fill the void left by the 
disappearance of the girl's father. Mrs. Kelley was extremely happy about 
the apparent friendship between Susan and Tom Kinnic. 

He arrived that Friday evening in a new powder-blue Cadillac, confirming 
Mrs. Kelley's beliefs about the amount of money Tom Kinnic's first wife must 
have left him. 

Susan was more beautiful and desirable than ever that evening, as Mrs. 
Kelley recalled it. She thought they made a strikingly handsome couple. As 
they disappeared into the crisp and dark winter evening, June Kelley retired 
to the television set to think on the great possibilities of Susan and Tom 
Kinnic. 

The couple went to the movie, where they carefully minded their respective 
manners; not being too friendly, but at the same time not being cool to each 
other. 

After the movie, Tom invited Susan to his house to have a late evening 
snack. 

"Strangely enough, I didn't have any fear of going," recalled Susan. "It 
seemed sorta natural for some reason. Tom was so nice and polite-I guess it 
didn't enter my mind what might happen there. You see, he kinda reminded me 
of Dad.... 

"He had a nice house on the outskirts of Seville. That house of Tom's was 
quite pretty sitting there in the dark moonlight. It had snowed while we 
were in the movie, and all around Tom's house was fresh, unbroken snow. The 
big house was very lovely. Tom took me inside. It had become windy and cold 
while we were in the movie, and the first thing Tom did was heat up some 
coffee. He asked if I'd prefer tea, but I said coffee would be all right. 
Usually I don't drink coffee, but I didn't say that to him. We sat in his 
living room and drank the hot coffee. After we'd finished the drinks, Tom 
took the cups to the kitchen. He came back to me with two glasses in his 
hand. He said he'd poured us each a small drink of brandy. He said that it 
would take the chill off even better than coffee. Dad had always been very 
strict about liquor-he never touched it, and neither did Mom, and they 
expected me not to. But I figured, what would one little sip hurt. I didn't 
even plan on finishing the glass. I was interested to see what just a taste 
would be like. Well, I sorta liked it. It was different, and with the lights 
turned low like Tom had them-well, it was just nice and warming. 

"Tom sat on the couch very close to me. He put his arms around me and held 
me very tight. He gave me a feeling like I'd never had before. I was all 
warm and feeling very romantic. I'd never felt like this with either Dad or 
Herb Tanner. The feeling I got from them was-different. The way I felt with 
Tom was not like any feeling I'd ever had before. We sat there on the couch 
for what seemed to be a long time. He caressed my hair and face. He made a 
tingle run through me. He began to brush my face with his lips. After a 
while, he began to nibble on my ear. Finally he turned out all the lights. 

"Tom got a lot more personal with the lights out. He caressed my breasts for 
a while. Oh, I can't tell you what that did to me! Finally he worked down to 
my legs and up under my dress. I was completely dizzy by then. For some 
reason, I really didn't care what happened after that. 

"The next thing I knew we were both nude and in his bed. That bed was the 
biggest one I'd ever seen; a Super-King size, I believe it's called. At 
first when we got in bed he didn't say a thing. For me, everything seemed 
pre-destined and automatic. I reached over and took his penis in my hand, 
just as I had done with Dad's. I played with it. I spread my legs apart and 
put Tom's hand between my legs. He had a huge erection. I didn't know a 
penis could be that hard! After a while, he asked me to put my mouth over 
the end of his penis-in order to warm it up, he said. I did as he asked. It 
was a very strange sensation having that big thing in my mouth. After a few 
minutes of sucking on his penis, I laid back on the bed and he put my 
nipples, one at a time, in his mouth. The nipples got very hard. My whole 
breast area became firm. Tom slid down to my genital region and kissed 
around there. Eventually he put his tongue in my split and wiggled it. From 
there it was one easy step for him to get on top of me and force his penis 
into my vagina." Actions and reactions. 

It may well have been that Susan let Tom Kinnic do what he did because he 
somehow reminded her of her departed father, but it seems to me that a more 
likely explanation is that in a moment of insight she saw Tom as a figure 
from the world outside her home and school who might pull her into that 
world. In other words, Tom Kinnic was a door through whom she might escape 
the misery and depression of her home life. He represented "another world," 
and his acceptance of her would allow her to enter that world thereby 
escaping from the world she no longer liked. No doubt the brandy Tom Kinnic 
persuaded her to drink made Susan's willingness to have relations with him 
all the more acceptable to her, but I suspect she would have gone to bed 
with him in any case. Perhaps even if he had not steered her into his bed 
she would have had sexual relations with him by taking the initiative 
herself. At some moment while she was with Tom Kinnic, the solution to her 
escape problem dawned on her. 

 CHAPTER THREE 

ESCAPE FROM THE PAST 

"I had wanted to get away from home for a long time-ever since the rape-but 
I just didn't know how," Susan told me. "But after that night at Tom 
Kinnic's place, believe me, I knew how. It was so obvious. A lot of things I 
already knew fell into a pattern that told me how I could get away from 
Seville and the miserable time that town had given me. It was simple. All I 
had to do was go to a large town and make myself available." 

Before her rape, the idea of prostitution was unthinkable to Susan Kelly. 
Her whole background was against it. Her father had warned her about boys 
and the fact that they liked to take advantage of girls. In high school, the 
teacher of the required sophomore health course had mentioned girls who had 
relations with men (with and without pay) and how dangerous such a thing 
was. But the pressure of an unpleasant situation will make people do things 
they never thought they would do. When Susan had her virginity torn from 
her; she viewed it as a sort of punishment for turning for affection to Herb 
Tanner. The rape made her feel unworthy. The sexual affection Tom Kinnic had 
shown her proved to Susan that she was attractive enough to be a successful 
prostitute. (She would probably have known that any way. She was not so 
stupid as to not know that her stunning figure and beautiful face would 
attract men.) Her experience with Tom had shown her that intercourse for her 
was not hard. "In fact, I rather enjoyed his penis being inside my body," 
she told me. 

Escape money would be a problem since sixteen-year-old Susan didn't have any 
money of her own. However, she knew that her mother usually kept about 
twenty dollars around the house. That would do to get her a bus ticket to a 
city some distance from Seville. 

The physical escape from Seville would be easy, now that the youngster had a 
plan. One night she would pack a small suitcase and the next morning after 
her mother left for work she would merely take a city bus to the bus depot 
and buy a ticket for some distant city. 

The day Susan chose for her escape from the past was December twenty-third. 
She chose this day because she knew that there would be many people downtown 
where the bus depot was located and she knew it was easier to become lost in 
a crowd. She would appear less conspicuous at both ends of her escape route 
if there were a lot of people around. 

School had let out for the Christmas holidays on the twenty-second. That 
evening Susan packed her suitcase with things she knew she would need in her 
new environment-wherever that might be. She did this quietly so as to not 
disturb her mother. It would, of course, be difficult for Susan to explain 
to her mother just why she was packing a suitcase. 

Immediately after Mrs. Kelley had left for work the next day, Susan 
conducted a search of the house to find the money she was sure her mother 
kept around. Soon she found it. She remembered it as being about twenty-two 
or twenty-three dollars-enough for what she wanted to do. 

Susan Kelley bid farewell to the neat, old house which had been the only 
home she had ever known. She was sad to leave its warmth that day; she was 
sad to leave the good memories it held. But to Susan it was a necessary 
step-a step she needed to take to preserve her sanity. 

The young lady carefully closed and locked the front door to the house. She 
walked to the comer where she could catch a city bus for the downtown bus 
depot, and turned for a final look at the house which once meant so much to 
her. Then she turned her back on it and waited in the cold, snowy morning 
for the bus. 

At the large, crowded bus depot, Susan Kelley, suitcase in hand, looked at 
the arrival-departure schedule posted on one wall of the depot. She saw that 
there was a bus leaving for Rushing Falls in about an hour. It seemed like 
the ideal place to go. Rushing Falls was a city of more than fifty thousand 
population located about forty miles from Seville. To Susan, it seemed like 
the ideal town in which to set up her "business." So it was that the 
youngster purchased a ticket for Rushing Falls, then bought a magazine to 
read and hide behind (lest someone who knew her would see her here and ask 
what she was doing) while waiting for the bus to depart. 

She was in luck. No one she knew saw her. The bus departed Seville and 
arrived in Rushing Falls right on schedule. 

In the depot of Rushing Falls there was a moment of confusion. Not 
hesitation about what she was doing, mind you, but mere confusion brought on 
by the fact that never before had she had to depend on herself for survival. 

"I can still remember that first moment in Rushing Falls," recalled Susan. 
"Before I came to Rushing Falls, I looked at it-and several other cities-on 
a State map. The dot that marked Rushing Falls wasn't too much bigger than 
the dot that marked Seville. I knew it would be bigger than Seville, but I 
didn't realize how much bigger. The moment I stepped off the bus I felt lost 
Real lost! That bus depot must have been three times the size of the one at 
Seville. Walking from the bus to the depot I got a good look at the city. It 
seemed huge compared to Seville. The buildings were larger and taller. The 
streets were bigger. Everything moved faster. I didn't know which way to 
turn." 

Here, then, was a moment of panic. Susan had never before had to find her 
own lodging before, and she was unsure as to how to go about it. Well, she 
thought, there was no rush about it. She was tired from the tension of the 
trip-even though the trip had taken only slightly over an hour. 

Susan sat on a bench in the bus depot and put her suitcase between her legs. 
She leaned over to one corner and put her head against the back of the 
bench. The youngster only meant to rest her eyes for a few moments while 
thinking about just how she was going to find a place to stay in a town she 
had never seen before. 

The fact of the matter is that Susan herself at first thought she had only 
closed her eyes for a few minutes, but when she opened them she could see it 
was dark. The bus depot was not deserted, but it was far less crowded than 
it had been at eleven o'clock that morning. Susan looked around for a clock. 
When she spotted one, it read eight-fifteen. She had slept for nine hours! 
(Actually, this is not unusual. Often after the release of psychological 
tension there is a need to sleep. In her current situation, Susan needed the 
escape of sleep, not only because she had just broken with her past, but 
also because she was in a state of confusion about what exactly she should 
do next.) 

The sixteen-year-old girl looked around. There was another moment of panic. 

"The first thing I thought was that all the hotels might be full," she 
related. "I thought maybe I'd have to sleep on a bus depot bench, and, 
frankly, that didn't appeal to me at all. I knew that I'd have to look for a 
place to stay right away. There was no time to loose. 

"I got up and walked toward the door. It was so dark and so strange. It was 
cold and there were snow flurries. I walked away from the big bus depot and 
began to look for a hotel-an inexpensive one, just a hotel. Down one street 
I could see several hotels, but I could tell that they'd be too expensive 
for me. I only had about eighteen dollars left. 

"I began walking down a rather dark street on which were a lot of older 
buildings. I thought I might find a place down this street that wasn't too 
expensive. Really, I didn't know beans about hotel prices, except what 
little I could remember from when Dad and I use to take those private, 
special trips. It ran in my mind that a hotel bill could easily be ten 
dollars a night, and I couldn't afford that. I didn't know how long it would 
be until I started earning a little money by ... uh ... doing what I came to 
Rushing Falls to do. So I looked on this old street for a hotel that was 
less than the best. 

"I found a hotel on this street. All it had to identify it was a small neon 
sign that said 'Hotel.' The sign must have been old, because it hardly 
glowed and you couldn't even see it in the snow flurries until you were 
right up on it. I went inside and walked up to the desk. I asked the desk 
clerk if he had a room, and how much it was a night. He said he had an empty 
room and his rate was two dollars a night. He was about to let me sign the 
register when he asked how old I was. I told him sixteen. He slammed the 
register book closed. He wasn't allowed to let anyone rent a room if they 
were under eighteen, he said. Why was I out on a night like this at my age 
he asked. I didn't even answer. I picked up my suitcase and walked out of 
the hotel. The group of men playing cards in the lobby looked at me as I 
walked out the front door. 

"I walked down to the corner and stood under a street light. I hadn't 
thought about the fact that a hotel wouldn't let me rent a room on my own. I 
didn't know what to think or what to do. I thought I was going to be 
spending the night sleeping in the bus depot. It was the only solution I 
could think of. 

"Then I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around and stared into the face 
of a man. He seemed dirty, unshaven. His clothes were old. His blue overcoat 
was torn on one sleeve and on the shoulder. I could smell alcohol on him. 

"'You ain't got no place to stay tonight, have ya,' he said to me. I nodded 
my head. 'Well,' he says, T got a room in that hotel you were just in, and 
I'll let ya share it with me." 

"He didn't have to draw me any pictures. I knew I wouldn't just be sharing a 
room with him. I knew he was going to demand some sort of payment-namely, 
sex. When this old guy asked me about sharing a room with him, I stood and 
looked him in the eye for a couple of minutes without speaking. Well, I 
thought to myself, this is what I came here to do! I won't make any money 
from this old guy, but he'll provide me with a place to stay in exchange for 
a little bit of sex. Maybe I can stay with him long enough to get some money 
ahead. Maybe in a while I can move into a good hotel and really set up shop. 
Next time I went to register in a hotel, I'd lie about my age. I knew I 
could fix myself up to look twenty or so. But I had a problem that needed to 
be solved right now, so I took this guy upon his offer. 

"The old boy told me he'd slip the night clerk five bucks to look the other 
way, and he did." 

Susan accompanied her new-found friend to his dingy room on the third floor 
of the old hotel. The room, she recalled, was dirty and at first she 
considered it rather unpleasant. But it was warm and it was a place to stay. 
It met her immediate needs. 

When they arrived at the old man's room, Susan put her suitcase in one 
corner. They removed their coats, stood a few feet apart, and looked at each 
other. 

"'Course there's only one bed in here," the man said, "so...." 

"So we'll both have to sleep in it," said Susan finishing the sentence for 
him. 

They looked at each other again for a moment. 

"Look," said Susan, "I know why you offered to share your room with me. It's 
all right. I'll let you do it." 

A smile broke over the old man's face. 

"And it's about bedtime, isn't it?" said the man. 

"If you say so," answered Susan. 

The young lady asked the way to the restroom. After she did what she had to 
do there, she returned to the room and her sex partner. 

They undressed each other, then each stood nude examining each other with 
anxious eyes. The old man moved in and against Susan, taking her tenderly in 
his hairy arms. Trembling as he held her well developed body, he kissed her 
on the cheek. He pulled back and nervously examined her again. Then he took 
her in his arms and crushed her against himself, planting hard, hot kisses 
all over her face and neck. 

The man put sixteen-year-old Susan in the old, sagging bed and snapped out 
the light. He rushed to the bed and climbed in. The two came together in a 
passionate embrace. He squeezed and kissed her breasts while she reached for 
and manipulated his penis. Soon he was sucking her large breasts and 
fondling her genitals while she continued to play with his erect penis. 
After a time of this, the man got between her legs and they had a prolonged 
intercourse. The old man gasped and wheezed as he worked toward achieving a 
climax. 

When it was all over both the old man and Susan lay on the bed panting. In 
about fifteen minutes the man got up and turned on a low-wattage table lamp, 
got a cigarette, lit it, and sat on the edge of the bed. 

"That's the first lay I've had in two months!" he exclaimed to Susan. "By 
the way, what's your name?" 

"Susan Kelley." 

"And you're how old?" 

"Sixteen." 

"You do good for sixteen, sister! You musta had experience." 

"Yes, A couple of times," admitted Susan. 

For the next two hours, Susan Kelley poured out her heart to this old man 
whose name she didn't even know. She told him about the disappearance of her 
father, her general dislike of her mother, how badly she had been doing in 
school, her rape, her experience with Tom Kinnic. She told the man of her 
escape from Seville and of her plans to make a living in Rushing Falls by 
letting men use her body for a price. 

The old man seemed genuinely sympathetic. 

"He sat there, completely in the nude, and listened to me ramble on for a 
couple of hours about my life," Susan told me. "He really seemed interested 
in me, which was really weird. Why should he give a dam about me? But the 
fact is, he did. And I don't know what possessed me to tell him about my 
life. All of a sudden, as I was lying on the bed after intercourse, I got 
the urge to talk to someone, and he was the closest someone there was. I 
just had to talk, that's all there was to it!" 

Actually, there is, it seems to me, a perfectly good reason why Susan wanted 
to talk to this elderly man. The reason is the old one-he reminded her 
somewhat of Harry Kelley, her idol who had been lost to her some years ago. 
While it was true that Susan no longer felt herself worthy of the love and 
protection of her father, she still loved him and thought of him as her 
idol. He still was very much on her mind; she still thought about him, 
though it was a subconscious act now. Exactly why the old man resigned 
himself to listening to Susan's story we cannot know. Possibily he was just 
a kind old fellow who felt sorry for a seemingly sweet young girl who would 
have to earn a living by selling her body on the streets. Possibily he was a 
man who once had a family of his own and who felt kindly toward children 
from a broken-home situation. 

At any rate, he apparently didn't have any quams about having intercourse 
with a girl so young, for after he had listened to Susan's sad story, he 
plunged his penis into her once more. 

The next day was the twenty-fourth-the day before Christmas. The couple went 
to a nearby bar-and-grille for a late breakfast. Over coffee, eggs, and 
bacon, Susan learned that the old man's name was Willie Seddons and that he 
worked most of the time as an unskilled laborer. For the last six months he 
had been employed-more or less steadily-as a freight handler for a local 
trucking company. He had lived in the hotel for the last three months. At 
one time he had had a car but the finance company repossessed it when he 
failed to make payments on it. Now he traveled by foot and the city bus 
line. For an hour in the bar-and-grille, Willie and Susan shared problems, 
particularly their mutual one of lack of money. 

After eating, the couple went to a small grocery store and bought a few 
items to tide them over Christmas. Among the items were peanut butter, 
bread, and luncheon meat. They also bought a bottle of Port wine with which, 
Willie said, to celebrate. He didn't say what they were celebrating, 
exactly. 

In early afternoon the old man and the young girl arrived back in the hotel. 
Once again each undressed the other and they climbed into bed. They 
performed various acts on one another. Each was immensely aroused by these 
intimate acts so that when Willie finally plunged his penis into Susan's 
vagina, both sex partners were sweating profusely. 

After it was over they lay limp and exhausted on the sagging bed. 

"You're good-very good," Willie said to Susan. "If you want to make a go of 
it as a prostitute, I think you can. You got what it takes!" 

"Thanks," replied Susan. "I'm glad you think I'll be a success." 

"You know what, kid? I'm gonna help you!" said Willie with enthusiasm. "I 
can set you up. I'll arrange everything. Hell, I know a dozen guys right now 
who'd be glad to pay, say, five bucks apiece to screw you. You're well worth 
it! Maybe we can get some of the convention trade that stays in those hotels 
on Thurston Avenue. A lot of those convention guys are after a good lay 
while they're away from their wives, and they've got plenty of cash. We 
could charge them ten bucks for an hour with you. Why, I've known half a 
dozen men who've sold women in those fancy hotels! A lotta money in that, 
I'll tell you! Let's make a business arrangement right now, Susan. I'll be 
your partner-your business manager, you might say-for a percentage of the 
take. Whataya say?" 

Susan hesitated a moment. This wasn't quite the arrangement she had in mind 
when she escaped to Rushing Falls, but she figured it would be all right. In 
fact, as she considered it, it seemed to be a better thing than what she had 
planned. She wouldn't have to wait on street corners or in bars for a man to 
approach her. She'd have a "manager" who would take care of procuring 
customers for her "service." It could be real great! 

"All right, Willie," said Susan. "Let's go into business together." 

A big smile broke over Willie's face. No doubt dollar signs could be seen in 
the gleam of his eyes. The pact had been made. Susan was as good as "in 
business." 

"I trusted Willie," Susan commented to me. "He seemed so interested in me 
and in trying to help. There were lots of advantages to our arrangement. He 
knew the city. He knew where to find customers. He could set me up in a room 
and serve as look-out for the cops. It was ideal! Willie said that the desk 
clerk would turn his head the other way for a payment of twenty or thirty 
dollars a week. He said that the hotel didn't like a set-up like this, but 
that it went on all the time. He told me that just a month earlier there had 
been a girl living just down the hall who would pick men up in bars and 
bring them to her room. She paid off the desk clerk and was able to carry on 
business without any problems. 

"Willie told me that it probably wouldn't be until after the first of the 
year that he could start bringing men to me. I said that was okay, because 
I'd be menstruating for the next five days, and I was sure no man wanted to 
go up me while I was in that condition." 

Christmas and the next few days passed quickly. The couple drank the wine 
and discussed the future. Willie Seddons had to work three days between 
Christmas and New Year's Day, but he found plenty of time to get the dirty 
old hotel room in shape for the expected flood of customers. He bought 
several "girlie" and nudist magazines, and had Susan cut the appropriate 
pictures out of them. With masking tape, Willie and Susan pasted the 
pictures to the wall, especially in the vicinity of the bed. 

Two days before New Year's Day, Willie brought a friend up to meet Susan. 
Susan recalled that the man's name was Jack something. It seems that Jack 
had a Polaroid camera. Willie wanted Susan to pose in the nude for some 
"publicity shots." He assured her that in none of the pictures would her 
face be shown-just her body. 

"I was very hesitant about that," Susan told me. "I'd never considered 
posing for that sort of picture. All I wanted to do was to get away from 
home and earn some sort of living. I was going to start out by raising money 
by selling my body. Period! No cameras, strip shows, or anything like that. 
But Willie convinced me that it was necessary. He needed to show potential 
customers that what he was selling was quality and worth the price he would 
ask for using me. So I said okay. 

"I don't remember exactly how many pictures this Jack took, but it must have 
been at least a dozen. He took one picture of me fully dressed standing up. 
From then on, he had me strip down until I was nude. That took about six or 
seven pictures. He had me turn around, bend over, and get into a lot of 
positions on the bed in order to take the rest of the pictures that Willie 
thought he had to have. One picture was of just my breasts. Another picture 
was of my hands squeezing my breasts. And one picture was of me laying flat 
on my back on the bed with my legs spread wide apart. He took a picture of 
my genitals head on! In fact, most of the pictures showed that area. Willie 
and Jack said men got very excited when they saw a woman's hair down there. 
Willie and Jack both fluffed up my black hairs in the genital region so that 
they'd be 'sexier.' " 

Susan never got more than a glimpse of the pornographic pictures. She didn't 
want to see them at all. She confessed she had felt somewhat ashamed for 
posing for such photographs. Her idea of prostitution was that it was only a 
method of escape from a situation she could no longer stand. Intercourse 
with a variety of men was meant only to produce the revenue she needed to 
live on. This photographing business was getting into the sex game deeper 
and in a more public way than she really cared to do. But Willie had said it 
was necessary.... 

Since Willie Seddons was, as usual, short on money, he paid Jack for the 
advertising pictures by allowing him to have an hour or so with Susan. This 
came as a surprise to her-Willie hadn't said anything beforehand about this 
deal. However, a go with Jack would widen her experience with men. And, 
after all, it would be good training for the time when she would be taking 
on a variety of men. If she could satisfy both Willie and Jack, then maybe 
she could satisfy any man who came her way. 

Willie discreetly left the room while Jack again positioned Susan in a 
number of the same ways in which he had just photographed her. He managed to 
insert his penis into her warm body while she was in each of these 
positions. As he was doing this, he informed her that, after all, there was 
more than one position for intercourse. Susan hadn't realized this before, 
since she had had intercourse in only one position. Jack finally flipped 
Susan over on her back and reached his climax this way-the old, familiar way 
where Susan was concerned! 

Early the next morning, Willie told Susan to expect customers New Year's 
Eve. He had told some of his fellow workers at the trucking company that he 
knew a girl who would be fun to be with New Year's Eve. Six guys were to pay 
him five dollars each for the privilege of some New Year's Eve sex. 

Willie laid in a supply of liquor to keep the boys happy until each one's 
turn came. 

True to what he had said, at about eight o'clock on New Year's Eve the boys 
began arriving. Quickly the room filled with men, smoke, and the odor of 
liquor. Susan didn't like alcohol, but Willie said things would go better if 
she at least sipped a glass of the stuff. And so she did. 

For about an hour it was quite a party. Susan was introduced all around, and 
was definitely a hit. Everyone except Willie and Susan was rather loaded by 
nine-thirty. 

"It's time for a little fun, fellas!" announced Willie. "Everybody's gonna 
wait his turn in the hall. We're gonna draw numbers for turns." 

Willie tore up a sheet of paper into six parts. Each paper was given a 
number from one to six, then the men drew the papers to see which turn they 
got. Willie and his friends left the room, allowing Susan time to turn off 
the bright overhead light and turn on the dim table light. Quickly Susan 
stripped in anticipation of the first customer. 

In a minute he came in. He was a fat man, thoroughly drunk. He tottered over 
to the bed where Susan lay nude with her legs apart. Wobbling and rocking, 
the man stood there looking at his prey. In a minute he was undressed and in 
bed with her. His odor was almost more than Susan could stand! She had never 
been around a man who was drunk before this, much less had intercourse with 
one. She began wondering if all the men Willie would bring to her would be 
in this condition. The man ran his hands over her exciting body, and quickly 
his penis became erect-not a firm erection, but an erection nevertheless. He 
was so drunk that he could hardly get on top of her. When he finally managed 
to get himself into a position for intercourse, he couldn't find the opening 
to her vagina. Susan put his penis in the proper spot and the man pushed it 
in. He labored long and hard to force himself to have an ejaculation. Then 
the man collapsed and fell on the floor. For a couple of minutes he just lay 
on the floor, as if felled by a bullet wound. In fact, Susan thought the man 
might have died of over-exhaustion. But he got up, still very drunk and 
wobbling, and tottered out of the room. He had only put on his underwear; 
the rest of his clothes he carried in his hands to the hallway. As he walked 
out, Susan could hear the other men laughing at him. 

The second man entered the room. This one was not nearly so drunk; in fact, 
he hardly tottered at all. He quickly undressed and climbed in bed with 
Susan. This one was crude, forceful, and direct. He put his mouth over her 
breasts, petted her for a minute between the legs, then plunged his stiff 
penis into her body. Within ten minutes it was all over. 

The other men were more like the second man. None of them lingered more than 
twenty or twenty-five minutes with young Susan. They were there to have 
relations with her; not to linger and love her. It was strictly a business 
deal. For five dollars they would be allowed to see, feel, and have 
intercourse with this young girl. Possibily if this group of males had not 
been so well stewed, each would have taken longer to "know" her. Each man 
might have tried to do more than put his penis into her vagina. But in their 
condition, all each man wanted to do was the most exciting, 
release-producing thing-namely, have full, inter course with her. 

The whole thing was over before midnight. The six men went drunkenly on 
their seperate ways. Willie Seddons came back into the room to see how Susan 
had taken her first night of "mass business." 

"Intercourse had never hurt me before, except when I was raped," Susan 
commented to me. "But doing it with six guys in a row-that had hurt. The 
opening around my vagina was sore. I asked Willie to look at it and tell me 
if I was bleeding or if the opening looked raw. He said it looked all right, 
but he agreed that it had been hard on me. Willie said that most of the men 
had said I was a good lay, and that they'd be back from time to time. We 
both finished off the liquor and got into bed. Willie didn't have 
intercourse with me that night because he knew I was sore. We both fell into 
a deep sleep just after the bells of Rushing Falls had rung in the new 
year." 

In a short while Willie and Susan fell into a pattern of living. He was 
still steadily employed by the trucking company which meant he had to leave 
Susan during the day. At night Willie began to hustle clients. He showed her 
photographs around and was able to entice a fairly large clientele to the 
room. Only rarely did Willie happen to mention where he picked up the men he 
brought to her. He rarely mentioned just what these men were being charged 
for the privilege of using her body. 

During the day Susan slept and ate and cut out photos to be pasted on the 
walls. At night, of course, she worked for Willie. By February Willie had 
the ability to bring from two to five men a night to Susan. They were all 
sorts of men, but never were they so drunken that they couldn't stand up, as 
the one man had (almost) been. Each week, Willie tried to give Susan one or 
two nights off to "recover"; however some weeks business boomed and there 
were no nights off. Willie himself only had relations with Susan once or 
twice a week, for he knew that by the time the paying customers were through 
with her, she was in no mood to take him on. 

"At night, when all the men had gone and all the money from the night's 
business was stashed away, Willie and I would lay in bed and talk," Susan 
recalled. "He'd talk about how much dough we were making, how much he had to 
pay the night clerk to be silent, what kind of men he'd like to bring to me, 
and so on. Eventually we'd always got around to saying it was too bad that I 
had to make a living like this. Willie would put my head on his shoulder and 
console me, as if I was his daughter who he was feeling sorry for. He said 
it was too bad there weren't some other line of work I could get into, but 
at my age there was nothing. I believe he really felt sorry for me. Oh, I 
suppose he could have been putting me on and just saying all that stuff so 
that I wouldn't think of leaving him and doing something else. Several times 
he gave me the line about how much we needed each other. He needed the money 
I could bring in and I needed him to get customers and protect me. And, of 
course, he had provided me with a room in which to stay, which I might not 
have gotten on my own. Yes, even now I really believe that Willie was truly 
interested in my welfare." 

"At this time, Susan, did you think you would someday break off your 
relationship with Willie?" I inquired. 

"I didn't think about that," she answered. "This arrangement wasn't what I 
had in mind when I left Seville, but once I got into it-no, I didn't think 
about the future. Well, why should I? Everything was going so nicely. We 
were making a lot of money. I didn't worry myself about police interference, 
and there wasn't any. It was a nice life. I liked it. It sure as heck was 
better than staying with Mom in Seville and being reminded about Dad, and 
how badly I was doing in school, and all that kind of stuff. We were making 
more money each week than Mom ever did. After we'd been in business about a 
month, Willie and I went shopping to get me a decent wardrobe. We spent more 
than sixty dollars that day. We didn't buy too much, but it was nicer stuff 
than I'd been able to buy since Dad disappeared." 

"And speaking of money," I interjected, "just how much did Mr. Seddons ever 
pay you for your services to him?" 

"He bought things for me, like I just told you, and every week he'd give me 
five or ten dollars to do with as I liked," replied Susan. "He always left 
some money in the room for me to buy food with, though usually the only food 
I bought myself was lunch. He said he was saving my share of the profits for 
me. And he told me there had been expenses-he had to go into places to get 
customers and that usually meant having a couple of drinks with the 
potential customer. That cost. He had to buy about a hundred dollars in new 
clothes so that he could go into the better hotels. That money came out of 
our profits. Actually, he never did tell me in dollars and cents just how 
much I was supposed to have made." 

Loneliness had been a pervasive emotion ever since the disappearance of her 
father in 1961, and Susan Kelley's escape from Seville had not taken that 
emotion from her. True, she had found a friend and business partner in 
Willie Seddons. But he was away from her most days and there was loneliness 
then. There simply wasn't much to do. Granted, this was a different type of 
loneliness than that she had suffered in Seville, but it was loneliness 
nevertheless. 

Susan had no friends in the hotel. She didn't like being cooped up there all 
day and all night, which was nearly always the case except for the times 
when she or she and Willie went out to eat or went on some shopping trips. 
The loneliness she felt in Seville she had combated by dreaming, planning an 
escape, and even by masturbating. The loneliness she felt in Rushing Falls 
she would combat in a slightly different manner. 

Willie had told Susan to stay in the hotel during the times he was away. He 
permitted her to go out to eat lunch, but that was all. Every other 
excursion from the hotel would be one on which he would accompany her. Susan 
didn't mind this. The type of loneliness-and boredom-forced on her by this 
situation wasn't as bad as what she had suffered at home. 

As one might expect, however, the confinement to the hotel eventually 
depressed young, energetic Susan. She began to feel that there wasn't any 
real necessity for her staying inside the dirty, old hotel all the time 
while Willie was at work. Susan well remembered her rape and that memory 
helped her, for a while, to be content to stay within the safety of the 
hotel walls. After a while, though, Susan reasoned that her rape had taken 
place at dusk and in an alley; it had not taken place on a busy street. So, 
she thought, it wouldn't really be dangerous for her to explore the 
neighborhood as long as she stayed on the main streets. 

She mulled this idea over in her mind for several weeks. By mid-March of 
1966 Susan was just bored enough and just brave enough to want to venture 
beyond the bar-and-grille where Willie had told her she could go for lunch. 

So it was that one warmish day in mid-March Susan ventured down the street a 
little farther than usual to have her lunch. After eating she walked around 
the block and bought a couple of magazines. Fine! It was a pleasant 
experience. 

The next day she did the same thing, and extended the range of her walking. 
Since nothing bad happened, Susan's belief that it was safe to wander around 
downtown Rushing Falls was reinforced. From that day onward she had no 
qualms whatsoever about walking around the downtown area, looking in 
windows, touring buildings, occasionally buying small items in the 
department stores. The whole thing was quite nice as far as Susan was 
concerned. These outings relaxed her. She didn't bother to tell Willie about 
them. 

Susan Kelley became a familiar sight around the neighborhood. Within a few 
weeks some of the local shopkeepers would even offer her a friendly hello, 
which she returned. 

Her bravery increased. She began going out at earlier hours; sometimes right 
after Willie had left for work. She picked out certain eating places to be 
her favorite hang-outs. She really didn't do much there; usually she just 
sat and enjoyed the atmosphere. It was a change from the confining 
environment of the hotel. 

One fine day in early April Susan was sitting in Jack's Place, one of her 
favorite inexpensive restaurants, when a young man in his early twenties 
came in and sat down across the table from her. This surprised Susan. 

"I didn't know him; I didn't remember meeting him before," Susan told me. "I 
thought this guy had his nerve, sitting down across from me uninvited. He 
smiled at me as though I was some long-lost friend. I gave him a blank stare 
and hoped he'd go away. He was rather ugly as far as I was concerned, and I 
didn't want anything to do with him." 

"Hi ya!" the young man said to Susan after looking her up and down for a 
minute. Susan didn't reply. 

"I know you, but I guess you don't know me," the man said. "I seen ya around 
the neighborhood, in the shops and places like this. Some of my friends know 
you too." 

A moment of panic gripped Susan's heart. The first thing she thought was 
that he might be a policeman. The idea that the "service" she was performing 
might be raided by the police had never bothered her until this moment. The 
idea that she might be arrested and go to jail had not worried her until 
now. 

"So you know me, do you?" said Susan, trying to be cool about it. 

"Yeah," said the man. "Some of my buddies have visited your hotel room. They 
say you're a damn good lay." 

A lump welled up in the girl's throat. She never before had realized that 
someday she might be recognized on the street, and that some people would 
have no hesitation about reminding her of her occupation. 

"Is that so?" said Susan. 

"Yep. That's so. Let me buy you a cup of coffee." 

The young man motioned to the proprietor and two hot cups of coffee were 
brought to the table. 

"I ... I was wondering if you'd like to take on a customer now," inquired 
the man. "I've got the time and the money, honey." 

Never before had Susan thought what she would say if someone approached her 
without Willie being around. She didn't know if Willie would be mad about 
her taking on a customer without his prior say so. Susan thought it over in 
silence. 

"All right," she said after a few minutes silent deliberation. 

The man broke into a small laugh and gave her a broad smile. The couple 
quickly downed the coffee and hurriedly left the small restaurant. 

In the hotel room, the man seemed relaxed and in no great hurry to get it 
over with. This was in distinct contrast to most of Susan's customers. She 
had discovered that most men were interested in the act of intercourse and 
not in relaxing with her or in foreplay. But this man-who had not yet told 
her his name was different; somewhat akin to Tom Kinnic, the man Susan's 
mother had decided would be a good husband for the young girl. Kinnic had 
been interested in relaxing and slowly working up to ultimate sexual 
activity. 

This man was casual and quite confident. Susan had the feeling that he knew 
a lot about her. However, like the other sex partners she had known it 
didn't take him long to get around to the main action. He began by caressing 
her well developed breasts through her clothing. Then he proceeded to put 
his hands up her dress and remove her panties. Susan stood with her legs 
apart as the man pulled the panties down to her knees. With a small giggle 
he next forced a finger into her rectum. As Susan remembered it, this was 
very painful as she had not lubricated herself for such a thing. No matter. 
The man seemed to get great pleasure out of forcing his big finger into her 
small rectal opening. By this time, Susan was used to men being rough with 
her; she could endure a lot of pain. It was part of the job. A few of her 
customers had even slapped her around, either out of some sort of built-in 
sadism or due to some unnamed anger they felt. But not many of Susan's 
customers had forced a big finger into her rectum. She remembered only a 
very few who had done this, and Susan had asked each of them to wait a 
moment while she put petroleum jelly on her opening. But this man-well, 
Susan did not say anything to him. After a few minutes of wiggling his 
finger around inside the young girl's rectum, the man yanked it out. Susan 
felt a great burst of pain. 

The man rapidly removed the rest of her clothing. Susan could see that he 
had become greatly excited. His penis was stiff; its contours could be seen 
right through his pants. She reciprocated, rapidly undressing him and giving 
his very large penis a squeeze as she removed his underwear. Hurriedly they 
got on the bed and began to fondle each other. 

The man for the first time looked around at the girlie photos on the walls, 
then gazed back at Susan. 

"You're a damn sight sexier than they are," he asserted. 

For the next while the lovers performed every sexually stimulating act they 
could think of. Susan even urinated into a drinking glass and had a bowel 
movement on some old newspapers at the man's request. Finally they had a 
prolonged intercourse in the old, familiar position. 

When it was all over, Susan got dressed and went to the bathroom to dispose 
of the urine and bowel movement in the toilet. When she returned her lover 
had dressed and was sitting in a chair. Most of Susan's customers had to lie 
for some minutes on the bed-to recover. But not this one. He seemed to be 
virile and energetic. It took quite a man to be as awake and calm as he was. 
It seemed as if he bad not expended any energy at all. 

"What they said about you was true," the man commented. "You're damn good. 
My prick hasn't been that bard in years! I don't usually play around with a 
girl much before I lay her, but you-you're worth taking some time with. 
Makes it more exciting." 

Susan didn't know what to say except, "Thanks." 

She sat down on the other chair in the room. "I want to ask you-how did you 
know me?" she said. 

"Oh, I saw you walkin' around the area," said the man. "I walk around this 
neighborhood too, ya know. Day and night. But I first saw you in the 
pictures. I recognized you from them and from my buddies' description." 

"What pictures?" asked Susan. 

The man pulled a beat-up envelope from his hip pocket. 

"These pictures," he said handing the envelope to Susan. 

Nervously Susan opened the envelope and took out half a dozen photos. At 
once she recognized them as the photographs for which she had posed some 
four months ago. Susan was both surprised and angry. She thought only Willie 
had the photographs, and that he was only going to show them to potential 
customers. How in the world did this guy get them? Oh top of that, this was 
the first time Susan herself had seen the photographs, so it was only now 
that she realized that in some of the pictures her entire body-including her 
face-was shown. Willie had promised that her face would not be photographed! 
Why had he lied? Why had he allowed his friend with the camera to walk out 
of the hotel room with photographs in which her face was shown? 

"Where did you get these?" snapped Susan. 

"From your pimp, Willie Seddons," the man answered. "I paid that old geezer 
five bucks for these. That's a hell of a lot of money, you know. In fact, 
I'm mad at him about the price. Some guys tell me he's been selling these 
sets to other people for a buck." 

"He's selling copies of these pictures?" 

"Sure. That's the idea wasn't it? When he sells them, he asks the buyer if 
he'd like to meet the model. That's how he gets some of the guys to come up 
here." 

"Why that old.... How many sets of these pictures has he sold?" 

"I dunno," answered the man, looking toward the ceiling. "Let's see-I know 
at least ten guys who have 'cm. lie's been selling them at his job and all 
over town. Hell, there must be at least a hundred sets in circulation." 

Susan was furious. 

"That ... that ... oh! I don't even know what to call him! He never told me 
he was going to sell those photographs! And he never told me my face was in 
any of the pictures. He promised me my face wouldn't show! That liar!" 

Pusan began to cry. The man attempted to console her. 

"You mean you didn't know he was selling these pictures?" the man inquired. 

"No, he never told me about it," said Susan through her tears. "I thought he 
was just showing them to men so they'd be interested in spending some time 
with me." 

"That's too bad," said the man. "He sure has treated you rotten. I hope he's 
at least giving you a good cut of the money you're making for him." 

"Oh, I haven't gotten too much. Some clothes, a few dollars a week spending 
money. That's about it." 

"It sounds to me like he's taking you for quite a ride! The bastard's making 
a mint on you and not parting with it. He's just throwing you a few lousy 
bucks. You'll be lucky if they aren't counterfeit!" 

"Willie seemed so nice. He seemed like he was trying to help...." 

"Aw, that's the way a lot of those guys are," said the man with a snear on 
his face. "They find a young girl and set her up in this racket and take 
advantage of her. The first time they have any trouble with her they kick 
her out in the street. She's had it! Girls who work the street alone-don't 
make much, so a lot of girls who know they're being taken by their pimp 
don't complain. But it's a shame." 

For a moment Susan had the urge to pour out her life story to this man, but 
stopped herself. 

The man took out a cigarette, lit it, and leaned back in the chair. 

"You ought to leave Willie," he said. "You're too good a broad for that old 
bastard. He's not doin' right by you." 

"I guess not. I'd like to leave him after what he's done to me. But ... 
well, he's given me a lot of protection here. No trouble with cops and so 
on. As far as I know, maybe he'll give me a lot of money if I ask him about 
it. Maybe he really is saving money for me-that's what he's told me. But 
selling copies of those pictures-that makes me mad!" 

The man arose from his seat and went to the young girl's side. He slowly 
pulled her to her feet and held her, something like Willie Seddons had done 
on the first night they met. 

"Let's face it, baby, he's just using you to make himself a hell of a lot of 
money," the man said. "A nice girl like you shouldn't throw herself away on 
an old goat like Willie. You oughta be driving a Cadillac and be dressed in 
the finest stuff money can buy. You could make any guy a lot of dough, and 
it isn't fair not to share the money with you." 

Suddenly the man held Susan away from himself. His eyes lit up. 

"I got an idea," he said excitedly. "Why don't you get outta here and come 
live with me? I can do everything for you that Willie can do-and then some! 

I'll bet you'd rather go to bed with a young man like me than some worn out 
old weasel like Willie. It'd be perfect! I'll share the loot with you, too! 
And no photographs. 'Course, I'll probably have to show the set I've already 
got to let guys know I got a girl worth what I'll ask for you. But that's 
all I'll do with the photographs. I promise." 

"I don't know. I ought to talk it over with Willie. He's been good to 
me...." 

"Quit kidding yourself," said the man in anger. "He'll give you some phony 
story about the pictures and the money. That old pimp is a natural-born 
liar. I could tell the first time I saw him. Get out now while the getting's 
good!" 

"Well...." said Susan, unable to come to a decision. 

"Come on, baby! Now is the time. You can be outta this mess within an hour." 

"I want to talk to Willie tonight," said Susan. "Then I'll make up my mind. 
I'll meet you at Jack's Place tomorrow at the same time and give you my 
answer." 

Clearly the man was disappointed at Susan's answer. She could tell that he 
had thought she would go with him on the spot. But Susan had a built in 
sense of fair play, and she wanted to give Willie a chance to explain 
himself. 

After the man left, Susan cried. She wondered if her life was going to be 
one man after another, each in his turn taking advantage of her. For the 
first time since she had left home, she wondered if this might not have been 
a huge mistake. After all, she only had two years to go and she would have 
been a high school graduate and eligible to find a legitimate job. At that 
point she could have kissed Seville goodbye if she'd wanted to. But now she 
was in a mess, a sort of pawn in a macabre game. Was this to be her life? 
Always leaving one man for another? How terrible! 

When Willie came back to the hotel room from work, Susan confronted him with 
her new knowledge about his dealings with the photographs of herself. Willie 
was shocked that she knew about his selling sets of those pictures. He 
apologized, saying that he had been greedy to make as much money as he could 
from Susan. He promised a full accounting to her of all the money and 
promised to give her her share of the income. 

"Willie seemed really surprised when I told him what I knew about the 
pictures," Susan told me. "He broke down and cried. He admitted that he 
hadn't been fair. He really seemed to be sorry about it. I didn't tell him 
about the man, but he begged me to tell him where I found out about his 
double dealing. I wouldn't tell him. He must have suspected there was 
another man, because he pleaded with me not to leave him. He said he needed 
me!" 

But that night Susan made up her mind. 

The next morning, she met the man as she had said she would do. She told him 
about what Willie had said, and the man replied that Willie's crying and 
confession of wrong-doing was just a trick to get Susan to stay with him. 
Susan agreed. She told the man that she had made up her mind-to go with him. 

A big smile broke over the man's face. The pair hurried to the hotel room 
where they packed Susan's belongings in her suitcase and in paper bags. 

As they walked from the hotel room, Susan turned to give the room one final 
look. In a sense, the room held fond memories. Here was the place where she 
had learned her trade. Here she and Willie Seddons had lived for four 
months, and in a way, he had been a real friend. On her arrival in Rushing 
Falls, she had needed someone like him. So, all in all, the hotel room 
hadn't been such a bad place. Susan wondered what Willie would think when he 
returned to the empty room that evening. This thought even worried her a 
bit. She closed the door as she and her new lover walked into the corridor. 

And what of this new man, whose name she didn't yet know? Well, Susan 
figured, if he was a louse she could always leave him as she was now leaving 
Willie. So what did she really have to lose by going with him? 

As the couple walked out into the coolish warmth of an April day, the man 
turned to Susan and said, "By the way, my name is Al Beaumont." 

 CHAPTER FOUR 

LOVE REGAINED 

As they walked out of the old hotel, Susan had no idea where Al Beaumont was 
taking her. She had no idea where he lived. All she knew was that she was 
throwing herself into a rather abstract situation again, just as she had 
done when she escaped from Seville. She was trusting to fate to help her; to 
provide a solid, secure existence. 

Al and Susan walked north for a couple of blocks, then west. In a few blocks 
they came to a bowling alley. After .entering it, Al parked Susan on a bench 
near the coat check room then went to one of the lanes where he met some of 
his friends. From where she was sitting, Susan could see Al having an 
animated conversation with the six men who were bowling. On seeing Al, they 
stopped their game and huddled together with him. Susan knew they must be 
talking about her. A couple of times Al pointed in her direction. The men 
looked her way. 

After about five minutes, Al and one of the men came back to Susan. Al said 
this man's name was Jerry, and that he would take them to the place where 
they would be staying. 

"Al told me why we had to come to the bowling ally," Susan related to me. 
"It seems that he doesn't have a car, and he had to find a friend who did. 
Al said we might have walked to the house where he lived, but it was quite a 
distance and he didn't want me to get tired. So we had to look up Jerry. 

"Jerry's car was an old thing that made a lot of noise when he started it. 
Those men joked about the car; about how often it broke down, about how many 
repairs it needed, and so on. I didn't say a word on the trip to the house. 

"The house was an old two-story job on the fringe of downtown. It was right 
next door to the Hammond Plastics Company factory. Maybe because the house 
was so close to the factory, it was very beat-up looking, with peeling paint 
and a very dirty lawn. The other houses in the neighborhood looked the same 
way. We parked in front of the house, and Al and Jerry carried my things 
inside." 

The interior of the house proved to be more dingy, dirtier, and more rancid 
than the hotel room Susan had just left. The place looked like it hadn't 
been cleaned in a year. The furniture was haphazardly arranged around the 
walls, leaving an empty square in the middle. The kitchen was filled with 
pots and pans, empty soup cans, assorted plates and eating utensils, and 
grease spots all about. There were two bedrooms, and each looked as if it 
had not been cleaned for a long time. Al was apologetic about the condition 
of the house. 

"A bunch of us guys live here," he explained to Susan, "and we don't clean 
up too often. Possibly we can do something about this mess." 

And so after Jerry departed, Al and Susan began rearranging the furniture 
and gathering laundry to be done at the local laundromat. As they worked, Al 
told Susan something about the house and its inhabitants. 

It seems that Al and five other young men shared this house. The men had 
banded together mostly for economic reasons. This way, they could share 
rental and other living costs. Also, when one or more of them was out of 
work, the house would provide a refuge until the unemployed found work 
again. At the moment, Al told Susan, three of the six of them were not 
working, though all the unemployed expected to find jobs within a month. It 
so happened that Al was one of the three out of work, which was why he had 
spotted Susan walking around downtown. He, too, was bored, and pending 
finding a job he had taken to wandering through department stores, cafes, 
and small restaurants. He had met Willie Seddons one evening and Willie had 
sold Al a set of pictures of Susan. It was soon after that that Al saw Susan 
on the street. 

Although Susan had not asked Al about his living quarters, she was surprised 
that he lived in a house, and even more surprised that he shared it with 
other men. She had rather assumed that he, like Willie, lived in a hotel 
room, or maybe even an apartment. She didn't know why she assumed this, but 
she did. 

Al quickly explained that they would have one of the bedrooms to themselves, 
and that the other guys would share the other bedroom and the living room. 
Before the arrival of Susan, Al said, there were two guys in each of the two 
bedrooms, plus two guys who slept in the living room. The last ones in each 
night slept in the living room. 

Al said that the other guys would cooperate when Al and Susan were 
conducting their "business," but that it would be necessary to let the other 
men have a "little fun" with Susan and it would also be necessary to slip 
the other guys a few dollars each week from the proceeds of the "business." 
After all, Al explained, the guys had lent him money when he was out of work 
and they were using the house which they were all renting. 

The whole arrangement made Susan rather nervous. She didn't like the idea of 
five other guys in the house. It sounded too crowded to her. 

However, as it turned out, the arrangement was satisfactory. The other men 
seemed to stay out of her way most of the time. None of them approached her 
without Al's permission. He allowed them one go a week with Susan. He 
himself did it each night, no matter how many other men she had taken on. 

"Al really drummed up the business," Susan recalled for me. "Whereas Willie 
use to bring around one to four men a night, Al rarely brought less than 
five. I took on as many as ten in one night. And I don't mind saying that I 
was sore afterwards. After a couple of those ten-a-night sessions, I asked 
Al to not bring more than six in any one night. 

"All in all, the kind of guys Al brought were a little sleazier than the 
kind Willie got for me. Willie would get customers from good hotels and nice 
bars usually. Al got truckers, drunks, and about any other shoddy type who 
wanted to have intercourse. Al's rates were five dollars a go, and Al said 
I'd get half of what he brought in. In the end, though, I never saw too much 
of that money. Al bought some new clothes with the money we made and he 
bought me a few presents. He gave me some money from time to time, but it 
wasn't anything like half of what we made." 

Life with Al and "the boys" was far more hectic than life with Willie. 
Primarily this was due to the age difference between the two men. Willie had 
been older, no longer just out for fun. He had used Susan merely as a source 
of revenue. Al was far younger, and while he used Susan to make money he 
also used her to work off his sexual aggressiveness. Willie had been calm 
and mature, in his way. He was even (relatively) steadily employed. Al 
was-as the saying goes-full of life, less mature, and out for kicks. Neither 
he nor the young men with whom he lived were very worried about jobs and 
their future. In fact, one or more of these men was usually unemployed and 
not too worried about it. 

"Jerry was the only one in the group with a car," Susan told me. "Two of the 
others had motorcycles. All of them could borrow a friend's car almost at a 
moment's notice. Well, at least the cars those guys came to the house with 
they said was a friend's car. Granted, the cars might have been stolen, but 
if they were, the guys never admitted it to me." 

I asked Susan what living with the six men was like. 

"The other guys stayed to themselves pretty much," Susan commented. "Al was 
always around me when he wasn't out on business-you know, getting customers 
and the like. Al once said that he'd told those other guys to keep their 
mits off me or they'd have to answer to him. Since Al was the toughest one 
in the crowd, they did what he said. Anyhow, most of the guys weren't around 
the house until after dark. Three of them had jobs. The other two just 
disappeared during the day. They said they were looking for jobs, but I 
don't know for sure if they were. 

"As for Al Beaumont, he and I got up around ten in the morning and I fixed 
breakfast for us. Usually that wasn't much-toast and an egg, something like 
that, Then we'd go out for a while. A lot of times we'd just drive around 
Rushing Falls. We'd drive Jerry's car, since Al didn't have one. Al said he 
paid Jerry ten dollars a week for the privilege of driving that beat-up 
thing! Jerry was one of the employed ones, and another guy who worked where 
he did picked him up each morning. So Jerry didn't really need the car 
anyway. 

"Around six or six-thirty in the evening we'd eat. A lot of times we went to 
a hamburger joint a few blocks from the house. Other times Al and I would go 
shopping and cook something at the house. If one of the other fellas was 
home at suppertime, we'd always invite him to eat with us. Once word got 
around to those guys that I was a fair cook, most of 'em started showing up 
at suppertime when they knew I was fixing a meal. They were tired of the 
sort of thing they'd get at a hamburger stand. And the only things they ever 
fixed for themselves at the house were things like soup, peanut butter 
sandwiches, and weiners. 

"Of course, most of the evenings I was in business, with Al bringing one guy 
after another to the back door of the house and then into the bedroom. But 
some evenings he felt more like going out on the town, so we'd dress up and 
make the rounds. Sometimes the whole gang would go and we'd ride around to 
where the action was-hamburger joints, drive-ins, carnivals and so on. Al 
and I even went on one of the motorcycles sometimes. I'll say this: with Al, 
there was always something going on!" 

The majority of the time, the "something going on" was the prostitution 
business. Al knew that in Susan Kelley he had a valuable property. She was 
young, well-built, able to take on many men without tiring, and she was free 
of any veneral disease. In fact, when I finally encountered her, she was 
still disease-free and not pregnant either! This is somewhat surprising 
considering the fact that she took on so many men and that none of the men, 
to Susan's memory, used a contraceptive device. How a young girl with 
apparently normal sex organs who had intercourse at virtually all points in 
the mouth could not get venereal disease and/or pregnant is beyond my 
understanding! 

While the life Susan lived with Al Beaumont was more active than the life 
she lived with Willie Seddons, the majority of Susan's time was still taken 
up with servicing the customers Al brought to her. The prositute who works 
the way Susan did (one customer after another being brought to her) is bound 
to get bored. Sex, sex, sex, can be just as boring-if not tiring 

-as doing anything else day in and day out. It's monotonous. 

After some six months as a prostitute, Susan Kelley began to consider other 
lines of work. She was still only sixteen, and the legitimate sources of 
employment open to a runaway sixteen-year-old were limited, to say the 
least. However, on some days when Al and the boys left her alone at the 
house, Susan would go out and buy a newspaper and look through the "Help 
Wanted" section. Usually there was nothing at all for anyone her age. The 
minimum age mentioned for most jobs was eighteen-and Susan would not be that 
old for more than a year. 

"It finally dawned on me that what I was doing-you know, selling my body-was 
a dangerous thing," Susan told me. "Well, I decided I wanted out, I'd had a 
bad experience with Willie-with those pictures and not getting much 
money-and I didn't know but what the same thing would happen with Al. I 
thought Al might tire of me someday and throw me out in the streets. Some of 
those confession magazines I'd begun to buy on the newsstand told about 
things like that. And, too, there was the problem we might have with the 
cops. As far as I knew, the house could be raided any day. Dad had once said 
something about prostitutes always being in danger of getting a disease and 
being thrown in jail. Well, sir, I didn't want any of that! 

"Around July, when I had been with Al about three months, I began to get the 
urge to get a decent, honest job. I was getting nervous about being a 
prostitute, even though six months ago that looked like my only 'out' from 
Seville. So I thought I'd go to some of the bigger companies in town and ask 
if they had a job for someone my age. 

"At first I thought about lying about my age, and even about my name. But I 
knew that any decent company would probably check up on me, and if they 
found I lied on my job application, I'd really be in trouble. Of course, I 
wasn't about to tell them I'd run away from home. I'd just say something 
like my parents had died, or something like that." 

In the time she had to herself, Susan Kelley canvassed the largest employers 
in Rushing Falls, from the hot, smoky factories to the cool, neat department 
stores. From all of them she received the same answer: she was too young to 
be legally hired. 

Susan was depressed by this news. In the months since she had escaped from 
Seville, the young girl had been free of terrifying dreams; but upon hearing 
the sad news that she was too young for the jobs she would have liked to 
have, the dreams reappeared. They were dreams in which she was tied to a bed 
while a parade of men with erect penises climbed on her. She floated in a 
sea of sperm. No life-preserver was available. She was drowning, 
drowning.... 

Something had happened to Susan's personality after she broke her physical 
(and some mental) ties with Seville. She had, in a very real sense, matured 
emotionally. She was less afraid of the unknown now; she was more 
adventuresome. There was less fear in facing an abstract situation. So, with 
a certain determination, Susan continued for a number of weeks to look for a 
job in a legitimate business. She was determined that she was not going to 
be a prostitute all her life, even though at one time she had thought she 
would be. If she could get out of the sex business now, that would be ideal. 
If she had to wait a while, she would. But she would get out! 

For some reason, it had not occurred to Susan to apply for a job right next 
door at the Hammond Plastics Company. For several weeks Susan looked for 
employment elsewhere. One fine July day it struck her that this large 
company, located only a few steps from her front door, might be a good bet. 
Her hopes were not high when she went into the company's employment office, 
because already she had been turned down at more than a dozen other large 
companies. 

"It was a large office, with an awful lot of people filling out job 
applications," recalled Susan. "I felt a little silly even trying to get a 
job there, when I was sure that most of these people filling out 
applications were better qualified than I and also were of the right age. 
But I figured I had nothing to lose. Who knows? They might remember me in a 
couple years when I would be eighteen and call me in to work for them. So I 
filled out the application. 

"After putting it in a basket, I sat down to wait for the personnel man to 
interview me. I sort of looked around at the workers going here and there. 
There was a good view through an open door of one large room in the plant. I 
was sitting almost directly opposite that door and could get a good look at 
the people in that room. 

"I wasn't watching anything in particular in that room-just the machinery 
and the men running the machines. I'd look at one machine for a while, then 
at another. Same thing with the men who ran the machines. 

"Suddenly a man crossed my field of vision. He was an old man, a little 
stooped, and walking slowly. I sat straight up in my seat. The man looked 
like-like Dad! Good Lord! I hadn't even thought of Dad for nearly six 
months, then all of a sudden there was this man who for all the world 
resembled him! No, no, I don't mean it resembled the man I'd known five 
years earlier. It resembled what he would look like with five years added to 
the man I had known. In 1966 he'd be sixty-five, you know. Don't ask me how 
I could know it was Dad; I just knew it. 

"My mouth must have dropped to the ground. I was ... well ... hypnotized. 
Until he completely crossed the area of the room I could see, I couldn't 
take my eyes off him. Man, I'll tell you, I was really shook! In fact, I was 
so shook that I got up and walked out of the Hammond Plastics Company and 
went back to the house. I think I was shaking all the way. When I got home, 
I lay on the bed, trying to be as calm as possible." 

As she lay on the bed, Susan wondered. Was the old man she had seen really 
her father? Or was she just imagining it, wishing that it was true? Was she 
wishing that her father would come along and rescue her from the mess she 
was now in? Or did she fear that he might be alive and find her, then be 
angry at the way she had turned out, and reprimand her? Susan wondered-if 
the old man she had seen was not her father, would she go on imagining that 
some old men were he as long as she lived? It was a terrifying thought! 

That very day Susan knew that she had to find out-one way or another-whether 
or not the man she had seen was her father. The question was, how would she 
go about finding out? 

Once the young girl had recovered her composure, the answer seemed obvious. 
She would go to the employment office of the plastics company and ask if 
Harry Kelley was employed there. (After all, what more obvious way could 
there be to find out if her father worked there?) 

It wasn't until the following day that Susan had the opportunity again to go 
to the plastics company and ask the question which had tormented her for the 
last day. 

"I went to the employment desk at about ten that day," Susan recalled for 
me. "I asked if a man named Harry Kelley worked there. At first, the 
personnel man told me that they didn't give out names of people they 
employed. I then told him that I was his daughter, and that it was important 
that I contact him. I didn't go into the details about Dad disappearing from 
home or any of the rest of the story. I guess I looked like I had a good 
reason to know if Harry Kelley was employed there, because the man looked 
through his files for me. Then he said that Hammond Plastics had no one by 
the name of Harry Kelley. 

"That really depressed me. I was so sure that the man I had seen the day 
before was Dad! I don't know why I was so sure-I was just, well ... sure! 

"I went back to the house and sat around the rest of the day. None of the 
guys were around all day. I had plenty of time to think about that man I had 
seen. About five-thirty I decided to go outside and watch the men leave the 
plant, hoping to see that man again and convince myself that he either was, 
or wasn't, my Dad." 

Susan stood by the plant gate. 

"I watched them as they left," Susan told me. "I watched each man's face and 
posture, looking for the man I had seen from a distance and only for a 
couple of minutes. The workers were almost all out when I saw him. Yes, I 
was sure of it. It was the same man I had seen the day before. As he got 
closer to me, I looked at him very hard. I was certain that it was Dad! I 
nearly cried on the spot! I wanted to run to him, but my legs were like lead 
weights. I wanted to attract his attention; yet, I still couldn't be 
certain-real certain it was him. Maybe, I still thought, I was just 
imagining it was him. 

"I waited until he was almost opposite the place where I was standing. Then 
I said loudly, 'Mr. Kelley." 

If it wasn't Dad, then, of course, the man would ignore my call But he 
didn't He stopped dead in his tracks. He turned and looked around for the 
person who had called his name. Now I was sure it was him! Again I almost 
cried. I called again, 'Mr. Kelley.' I waved this time, and he came toward 
me. I could tell he didn't recognize me, but then why should he? I had 
changed a lot in five years. 

"He was timid as he approached me. He said, 'Did you call someone?' I said, 
'Yes, if your name is Kelley.' We stood silently looking at each other for a 
minute. All I had to do was look closely at his face to know I had found 
Dad." 

After they had studied each other a minute, Susan said, "I'm your daughter, 
Susan." 

That sentence was all it took. He recognized her, and the couple embraced 
each other fiercely. Both of them cried. Both of them were shaken by the 
experience of this reunion after five long years. 

Susan would have taken her father to the house next door, but she feared the 
boys would be back at any moment So she suggested that they go to a small 
restaurant a block away and sit and talk. 

As Susan recalled it, they simply exchanged pleasantries that day. It was a 
sort of "How have you been?" session. Each feared to ask the other just what 
he was doing in Rushing Falls. After a short while, they made an appointment 
to meet again on Harry Kelley's day off-the next Friday. 

In the intervening couple of days, Susan worried about what she would say to 
the old man who had deserted her and her mother more than five years 
previously. Obviously he would ask her questions about what had happened in 
those five years, and why she was in Rushing Falls now. 

And she wanted to ask him why he had left Seville. 

This question had been gnawing on her mind for years. It was a question she 
wanted to ask, but wondered if she should ask. 

Susan decided to "play it by ear." She would not confess her role as a 
prostitute unless she had to. She knew it would hurt her father to know she 
had sold her body to a horde of men. Susan thought she would not ask her 
father why he had left Seville. She would leave it up to him to tell her, or 
not tell her, as he wished. Maybe it was none of her business. Maybe she was 
better off not knowing. 

They met Friday in the same small restaurant where they had gone two days 
earlier. They could not carry on a confidential conversation there, so Harry 
Kelley suggested that they adjourn to his place. Susan agreed. 

The young lady's father took her to his car, an ancient thing which Susan 
said must have been manufactured in the fifties. She recalled it as a rusty, 
dusty thing which had a hard time starting and rattled quite a bit. 

The place where Harry Kelley lived was a run-down shack located about a mile 
from the Hammond Plastics Company. Harry said that he had moved to the place 
two years earlier, and it looked to Susan as if the house hadn't been 
cleaned since the day he moved in. He had to move some of the debris before 
his daughter could sit down. 

There was a nervousness and a tenseness between the pair. Neither exactly 
knew where to start a conversation. Each was in a rather awkward position. 
They wanted to see each other, yet each would have a hard time explaining 
his actions to the other. It seemed to be a sort of black comedy situation. 

"I'm very surprised to see you in Rushing Falls," Harry finally said. "Are 
you visiting someone?" 

Susan thought she had better not lie on that question. 

"No," she answered. "I've ... uh ... left home. I'm looking for work in 
Rushing Falls." 

"Oh," said Harry. "Well, of course I'll be glad to help you if I can." 

There was a silence between them again. Harry Kelley looked nervously at his 
daughter, whom he had deserted five years earlier. He knew the question 
which burned in her mind. Still, he couldn't yet bring himself to answer it. 

"How's your mother?" he asked, still being guarded in his talking to Susan. 

"She was fine the last time I saw her," said Susan. She didn't bother to 
explain that the last time she had seen her mother was more than seven 
months ago. 

Harry Kelley nervously got up and went to the kitchen to fix cups of hot 
tea. This may seem a little silly since it was late July and the temperature 
was already in the high seventies. 

The couple, who had been lovers five years earlier, sat drinking tea and 
looked at each other as if they were strangers. Then, the tea finished, 
Harry Kelley decided it was time for confession. 

He reached in a desk drawer and pulled out a long cigar and lit it. This 
surprised Susan, since when she had known him he never smoked. In fact, he 
had warned her against it. 

"You're older now, Susan," Harry began, "and since you've found me here, I 
guess I ought to tell you why I left home. I know that's troubling you, and 
I don't blame you for being worried about it. God knows, I wanted you to 
know why I left Seville, but at the time you were just a little girl and you 
wouldn't have understood. But now you're nearly seventeen and you're old 
enough to know, and maybe understand. I'll spell it out as simply as I can, 
and hope you get the meaning of what I say." 

Harry Kelley paused a moment, gathering courage. 

"First, I want you know that I have always loved you and your mother. 
Everything I did was for your good. I never intentionally did anything to 
hurt you or her. But ... but I know it didn't turn out that way. 

"The trouble started in early 1961 when I worked at Seville Manufacturing 
Company. There was an opening for an important job at Seville Manufacturing. 
I was in line for that job. I'd been there longer than anyone else the 
management was considering for the job. The job belonged to me by all 
rights. Well, honey, there was another man there named Alvin Moss. He was 
just a young fellow, only about thirty. He'd only been with Seville 
Manufacturing about three years. I'd been there over forty years. Think of 
that! Forty years experience versus three years! But this Moss was an 
ambitous type and he meant to have that good job that should have been mine. 
Oh, he was smart, and all that. He had a college degree. Me-I was just a 
worker who'd come up through the ranks. It took me twenty-five years to get 
where he started out. Still, that job should have been mine! 

"Of course, an ambitous fellow like Moss wants to make sure that management 
chooses him for the job he wants. The easiest way for him to insure that 
they'd pick him for that job was for him to find out something dirty, 
something bad about me, then leak it to the men responsible for filling the 
job. 

"I don't know how he did it, but he did find out something about 
me-something I thought was in my past, dead and buried. I never thought 
anyone would find out.... 

"But he did, and he intended to use it against me. He said if I didn't tell 
management I didn't want that job, he'd tell the whole town-Seville 
Manufacturing's managment, the newspaper, my pastor, everyone-what I'd done 
years earlier." 

Harry Kelley was silent for a minute, puffing on the cigar which had nearly 
gone out. 

"Your mother is a good woman-I don't want you misunderstanding me about 
that," continued Harry. "But she and I didn't always get on well. No man and 
wife get on well all the time. We had words from time to time, as any 
married couple will. There were times when we were sleeping in different 
parts of the house, if you know what I mean. 

"It was during one of these times of difficulty that I did it the first 
time. I was driving home from work one day in the spring of-let's see, it 
must have been about 1947-when I saw a girl playing by herself on the 
sidewalk. I pulled the car to the curb and called her to me. I don't know 
why I did that. There was just something that told me to do it. The girl and 
I just talked for a while. Then I got the idea that she might like to go on 
a ride with me. I asked her to get in the car and drive around the block 
with me. Without even saying a word she got in the car. I drove around a 
while, then headed for the farmlands outside Seville. We pulled into a 
deserted farmyard and I stopped the car. It was dusk. I turned out the car 
lights. We sat a moment and looked at each other. I asked her if she'd like 
to have some fun. She said yes. 

"I remember it like it was yesterday. I was sweating and panting, not able 
to think at all. I reached for the girl. I held her and kissed her. In a 
minute I reached up under her dress and touched her between the legs. That 
sent an electric shock through me like nothing else ever had. Before I knew 
what was going on, I had taken this girl into the empty barn and closed the 
door behind us. There was some old blankets in one comer of the barn. I 
shook out a couple of them and laid them in one corner of the barn. I 
undressed the girl, then myself. She was young-only about ten or eleven 
years old. She didn't have breasts yet or hair between her legs. But that 
didn't matter! My penis was erect. I was wild with desire to take this 
little girl. I laid her out on the blanket and got over her. It took some 
doing, but I finally got my penis into her. She cried a little, but never 
once said anything about it hurting her or wanting to stop. 

"When it was over, I put my clothes on and helped her dress. It was only 
then that I realized what I'd done. I was ashamed and scared. Very quickly I 
drove the girl back to the place where I'd picked her up. All the way back 
she was silent. She didn't cry or anything. When she got out of the car, she 
just ran around the comer. I got out of there as fast as possible." 

Susan could see that her father was clearly shaken by his telling to her of 
this story. He shook a little as he paused to relight his cigar. 

"For the next week or so I was very afraid that I might be arrested or 
something," said Harry Kelley, as he continued his tale. "But nothing 
happened. I swore that I'd never do anything like that again. 

"Well, baby, I kept that promise for about six months. Your mother and I had 
words about something or other. A day or so later I found myself cruising 
around an elementary school playground just as school let out. At first I 
didn't even realize why I was there. It seemed as if some inner voice had 
directed me to come there. At last, when most of the children were out of 
the school, I saw a girl of about ten coming out of the school alone. I did 
what I'd done several months earlier. I asked her if she'd like to go for a 
ride. This was a poor neighborhood, and a lot of those kids had never been 
inside a car in their lives. I suppose that's why she accepted my 
invitation. We drove around the city a while, then I headed for the 
farmlands again. I went to the same deserted farm. We went into the barn. 
Again I had intercourse with a child on the same blankets as before. This 
kid put up more resistance than the first one, but I was a lot bigger and 
heavier than her and I was finally able to get my penis into her body. 

"On the way back to town, this girl cried. I was nervous and shaken, like 
the time before. I let this kid out several blocks from the school. She ran 
down the street, crying all the time. 

"Again I was shaken for a week or so, but again nothing happened. No 
newspaper story or anything. 

"Again I swore I'd never do it again. I didn't understand why I'd done such 
a thing. 

"Your mother was pregnant with you in 1949 when she and I had another fight. 
Once more I was on the prowl. I went by several elementary schools, and this 
time I realized-vaguely, at least-why I was there. I wanted to hug, feel, 
and have sex with some little girl. I didn't then realize why I wanted this, 
but I knew I wanted it! 

"At last I found a school where three girls-all about ten or eleven years 
old-were playing. I parked near the school and watched them for a while. 
Suddenly and without warning I got the urge. It seemed as if an invisible 
hand were moving me. I got out of the car and walked toward the girls. 
Without even knowing what I was doing, I grabbed one of the girls. I 
literally carried her off to my car. All three of the girls screamed. 

"As I had done with the others, I drove this girl to the deserted farm. She 
cried all the way, but didn't make an attempt to jump out of the car or 
fight me. I led that girl into the barn as I had the others. She fought me a 
little as I undressed her. I kept telling her I wasn't going to hurt her! 
But I was, and I knew it. 

"Again I laid the young body on those blankets. I guess she was real scared, 
because she didn't cry. Tears came from her eyes and she shook, but she 
didn't make a sound. I got on top of her and finally shoved my penis into 
her. She made a little sound then, but nothing too loud. 

"After I'd done it to her, we got up and I dressed her. I guess I was mad at 
myself for doing what I'd done, so I hit this girl a couple of times. I 
dragged her back to the car and we went back to Seville. I was going to drop 
her off like I'd done the other girls. 

"I got to about three blocks from the school. I pulled the car over and was 
about to let this kid out when out of nowhere a policeman comes up to the 
car window and puts a hand on my shoulder. 'You're under arrest,' he says. 
The girl climbs out and all of a sudden it looks to me like there must be a 
hundred cops all over my car. 

"They hauled me out and dragged me into a police car and took me to police 
headquarters. They booked me for kidnaping and threw me in a jail cell. 
About an hour later, a couple of plain clothes cops come and took me to a 
small room. They questioned me for a long time-five or six hours I'd 
guess-about why I'd taken the girl. It only took me a little while to break 
down and tell them about what I'd done to that girl and to the other two. 

"These cops then gave me all the details of what happened to men who did 
those things to little girls. They said I'd be sure to spend ten years in 
prison, if not the rest of my life. They said if I ever got out no one would 
ever hire me for a job, no one would ever trust me especially around 
children, and so on. I tell you, Susan, they really had me scared. 

"The policemen finally took me back to the cell. More than two days went by 
before I heard anything from anyone. 

"I was brought to that same small room again and faced those same cops 
again. They told me that the parents of the last little girl I'd picked up 
had decided they didn't want to press charges against me. Since there was no 
way of knowing the names and addresses of the other girls I'd picked up, the 
police said those parents couldn't file charges against me. The point was, 
they now had no reason to hold me! I was free! 

"The cops gave me a lecture about watching my behavior and they said they'd 
be keeping an eye on me. But the point was, I was free!" 

Harry Kelley paused a moment and took out another cigar. After lighting it, 
he continued. 

"I had to tell your mother about the arrest and so on. She seemed to be very 
understandng. I'd missed two days work at Seville Manfacturing, but all I 
told them was that I'd been ill those days. Except for your mother and the 
police, nobody knows anything about what I did to those girls or about my 
arrest. And I'll say this: I never touched another kid again!" 

Harry stopped again and took a few drags on his cigar. Susan was watching 
her sixty-five-year-old father as she had never watched him before. She was 
seeing him in a new light. 

"No one ever knew about my brush with the law-I thought," continued Harry 
Kelley. "Not until Alvin Moss told me he knew. Lord, I wish I knew how he 
found out! 

"Well, honey, I guess it didn't make any difference how he'd found out. He'd 
found out! He had me scared, because he spelled out the whole story to prove 
he knew what he was talking about. I knew Moss wasn't kidding about 
broadcasting that story all over town. In fact, I was afraid he'd broadcast 
it no matter what I did. 

"That's when I made my decision. I decided that I couldn't have you and your 
mother subject to the embarassment of my past. Your mother and I talked it 
over and we decided it would be better if I just dropped out of sight. So I 
did. I left her a note telling her where I was going. That's the last 
contact I had with her." 

Harry became silent, as if he expected some sort of response from Susan. But 
she gave no response. She just sat and stared at the old man, the one who 
had been her first love, her protector, her ideal, her god. Now his 
confession had laid his tragic offense bare to her. He wasn't such hot stuff 
after all. Susan now saw him as a man of questionable morals; indeed, even 
she didn't need it pointed out that her father had been (and just possibly 
still was) a sick man. It was at this point that it struck Susan that what 
her father had done to her back in Seville-sexually using her body-was 
wrong. The question of whether or not what he had done to her was right or 
not had never before crossed her mind. But the terrifying story of her 
father's sexual assaults on three little girls made Susan see the wrongness 
of what he had done to her. True, he had never once pushed his penis inside 
her vagina, but, she wondered, how long would it have been until he did? 
Susan thought that if Harry had not left his home in Seville, he might have 
eventually have had intercourse with her. In the time it had taken Harry 
Kelley to tell his story, he fell from his pedestal in Susan's eyes. 

Harry's eyes looked toward the ceiling. 

"It hasn't been easy living in Rushing Falls," he commented. "Who wants to 
hire a sixty-year-old man? I had to look a long time to get the job I've 
got. I held a lot of low-pay jobs before I got the one at Hammond Plastics. 
I had several years of only working part time. It's been hard. I just barely 
kept myself alive. I was hungry a lot of the time. I had nowhere to go, no 
one to turn to. I cried a lot, and I don't mind admitting that to you. I ... 
I just hope you understand." 

To some extent, Susan did understand. While she did not any longer think of 
her father as a god, she did have a lot of sympathy for his problems. From 
her own experiences she knew how tough his life must have been. She felt 
sorry for the old man. 

Harry arose from his chair and came to his daughter. He lifted her up to 
himself and held her close against his chest. 

"I ... I'd like to know how you got here, but it doesn't matter really," he 
said. "Tell me if you want to; don't tell me if you don't want to. The fact 
is you're here and we're together again. The facts of the last five years in 
your life don't matter to me if you don't want to tell me about them. I love 
you, Susan! That's the point!" 

And it was, too! Each of these people knew that this is what they wanted-to 
be together again. Certainly Harry Kelley had always desired to be with 
Susan and Susan Kelley, despite the fact that she held her father in lower 
regard now than five years earlier, still had a lot of love for Harry. 

The moment Susan had seen her father again, she thought about leaving Al and 
the gang at the house next to the Hammond Plastics Company. She didn't love 
Al or any member of that gang; nor had she loved any of the men who had used 
her body. Her father was still her great love, despite the fact that at one 
point she felt herself completely unworthy of him. Of course, now he was a 
little tarnished in her eyes, so, in her view, they were basically on the 
same level. They merely had different reasons for being on that level! 

Harry and Susan formulated plans to be together again. 

Harry said, "Why don't you move in today-right now?" 

Susan knew it wouldn't be that easy. 

"I'd like to Dad," she said, "but I have some things to clear up before I 
do. I will, though. Just give me a day or two." 

Susan didn't want to reveal to her father the fact of her life of 
prostitution. He had already been wounded enough in his life, she figured, 
and he would not be helped if he knew what sexual crimes his daughter had 
committed. She didn't want her father to be any more disappointed in her 
than possible. 

Harry Kelley offered to take Susan to bed an "do what we use to do." The 
girl thought this somewhat strange considering the story he had just told 
her. She refused as politely as possible. She now thought of their bed games 
as of questionable value. She now had much better knowledge than before of 
what men did in bed! 

The pair parted in late afternoon. Susan told Harry that it would take a 
while to get her affairs in order so that she could move in with him. She 
didn't bother to explain that getting her affairs in order meant planning an 
escape from Al and his companions. Susan didn't think this would be hard, 
however. She hadn't found it difficult to leave Willie Seddons. 

That night she spent her last night as a prostitute for Al Beaumont. He had 
half a dozen customers; a pretty good night. 

That night she had intercourse with Al for the last time, and when it was 
over she snuggled up to him to dream. She dreamed that he was her father. 
She dreamed of the nice time she and Harry would have now that they would be 
reunited. That night was the most pleasant she had had in a long time. 

The plan was that Susan would phone her father on his job when she was ready 
to move in with him. That day-a Saturday-she phoned and left a message for 
him at about noon. He was to meet her outside the Hammond Plastics Company 
main gate that afternoon when he got off work. 

True to the plan, the couple met at the arranged time at the arranged place. 
Harry gave his girl a big kiss and took her suitcase in his hand. They went 
to his old car, and from the Hammond Plactics Company's parking lot to the 
old house where they would live. 

In a sense, this arrangement seemed ideal. Certainly Harry Kelley was happy. 
To him, it was like old times. Susan Kelley was happy, too. This is what she 
needed; what she had been looking for. She had lost her security when Harry 
disappeared. She had been on a search for five years to find security again. 
First it had been with the high school boys, especially Herb Tanner. Then it 
had been with Tom Kinnic, her mother's friend. Then with elderly Willie 
Seddons, who had used her to make money. Then with Al Beaumont, who also had 
used her as a source of revenue. But the only real security for Susan was 
being with her father, and now that was possible. 

The day she moved in with Harry Kelley, Susan was happier than she had been 
for years. In fact, she was so carried away by the magic of the unexpected 
reunion that she agreed to let Harry sleep with her that night. 

"For the first time I had doubts about going to bed with Dad," Susan told me 
very seriously. "As you know, I never questioned it before. I mean, it 
seemed the natural thing. But I was a lot older now; I knew more about men 
and what they liked to do with a girl's body. Dad had told me about those 
three girls he had raped. So now it seemed strange and a little 
uncomfortable to climb in bed with him. Still, he was my father. He had 
never harmed me. And besides, if he did decide to have intercourse with 
me-well, he wouldn't be the first man! It wouldn't be as if he took my 
virginity away from me." 

What Susan was affirming with the above statement was that she was aware 
that she was a different person now than she had been five years earlier. 
She knew more about life-at least, about the sexual side of it. Too, she 
knew a lot more about her father. Sometime earlier she had stopped most of 
her physical and mental dependence on her father. Susan had known and 
enjoyed the company of men other than her father. (However she admitted 
romantic feelings only toward Al Beaumont-and these feelings she described 
as "rather temporary"). 

Despite all this, Harry Kelley was still the greatest love of her life. 
After a five-year absence, his brainwashing was still effective to some 
degree. This is shown by the fact that she was so excited at finding him. It 
is further shown by the fact that she consented to move in with him, and 
that on the very day she did that, she once more consented to go to bed with 
the sixty-five-year-old man. 

In bed that night, Harry trembled as he removed Susan's nightgown and saw 
for himself the fantastic development of her body. The last time the old man 
had gazed on her nude body, she was just beginning to become a woman. Now 
the process was complete. Her breasts were large; fully developed. Her 
genitals were covered by hair as black as that on her head. Her openings 
between her legs were as exciting as before. 

Susan saw her father's penis become quite erect as soon as he touched the 
place between her legs which he loved so much. He seemed to be stimulated by 
her whole shape. He took a very long time to tour the body of the girl he 
loved so much. It seemed to Susan that he examined every inch of her body. 

A fat and drawn Harry Kelley eventually climbed into the old familiar 
position over his daughter's body. It was, so to speak, the moment of truth. 
Would he push his erect penis into the lovely young girl's body? Or would he 
use the youngster's body as before, with his penis just resting on her 
genitals? Quickly Susan had the answer to the question. 

As he kissed Susan's lips, Harry allowed his hard penis to rest on her 
genitals. As he had done years earlier, he moved it back and forth in order 
to effect a sexual release. Susan could tell that age was taking its toll 
with Harry. The aging man could no longer have a fast release. As she laid 
on the bed allowing Harry to do with her what he would, Susan wondered 
whether or not in the previous five years he had had any sex with any girl. 
If he had not, that might be the reason why it now took him so long to have 
an ejaculation. At any rate, it took Harry a full half hour of working at it 
to be able to shoot his watery sperm on to Susan's genital region and 
stomach. The old man had to stop half a dozen times in order to catch his 
breath. 

It made Susan happy that her father had chosen not to penetrate her vagina. 
She thought that she might have thought less of him if he had. Somehow she 
just didn't think it right that her own father should have an actual 
intercourse with her, though Susan did not know the concept of incest. 
Though Susan had questioned her father's right to go to bed with her, once 
the aging man had positioned himself above her, all questions of "rights" 
disappeared. The feeling of security that she needed took precedence over 
any other feelings the young girl had. Once the old man had finished his act 
on Susan's body, he lay next to the youngster, thoroughly exhausted and 
sweating. In a few minutes, Susan pulled herself near Harry Kelley and fell 
peacefully asleep. 

The next few weeks were among the most peaceful and satisfying Susan had 
known in years. She had her father, the great love in her life, back again. 
Each morning he would go off to work and each evening return home once more. 
It was almost as if the clock had run backwards, placing Susan and Harry 
Kelley where they were more than five years previously. It was the same 
relationship all over again. Things had changed-and changed drastically-to 
be sure. But in the psychological and sociological sense, Susan and Harry 
were back where they had started off. 

Young Susan worked very hard to make the old house Harry had rented a 
livable place. She scrubbed it, dusted it, and swept out every corner. Never 
had such work made her so happy! Harry gave her money with which to run the 
house. It was never very much money, but it sufficed for the two of them. 
The couple was very happy. 

Harry continued to sleep with Susan and he continued to achieve sexual 
release by rubbing his penis between Susan's legs. However, the elder Kelley 
did not do this every night. It was simply too difficult for him now. Susan 
recalled that he averaged two or three releases per week at this time. 

It was in late September, 1966, that the Kelleys learned that their 
happiness was to be short lived. Harry was in the middle of having relations 
with Susan when he suddenly collapsed and fell to the bed. He clutched his 
stomach. At once Susan could tell that the old man was in excruciating pain. 

"I looked over at Dad and I could tell that something was hurting him," said 
Susan to me. "I asked him what it was, but he couldn't answer. All he could 
do was groan. It was horrible! I didn't know what to do. In a few minutes he 
seemed much more relaxed. Dad said he had had a stomach cramp-from 
indigestion, he thought. I got up and made him some tea, and that seemed to 
relax him. He went to sleep quickly." 

But Harry Kelley's problem wasn't indigestion at all. In the next few weeks, 
he had several more such cramp attacks in front of Susan. He was finally 
forced to confess that he had been having these cramps for three or four 
months now-since just before Susan and he were reunited. Harry had not seen 
a doctor about the cramps because he put them down to minor stomach trouble 
which he thought would clear up by itself in time. 

In this instance, Susan had more sense than her father. She pursuaded him to 
see a doctor at once so that the cause of the cramps could be found out. An 
appointment was made with a local doctor. 

An office physical could not do the job of detecting what was wrong with 
Harry Kelley, so arrangements were made to send him to the local hospital 
for a series of diagnostic tests. These tests were conducted during the last 
week of October, 1966. 

Though he didn't express the thought, Susan could tell that her father was 
worried about the tests. The daughter visited her father each day in the 
hospital and saw him grow more depressed day by day. 

"He was very pale, as if all the life had been drawn out of him," Susan told 
me. "I'd never seen Dad so sick-looking. He didn't say much when I was with 
him. He was silent and looked very worried." 

As the week ended, so did the tests. One week after he entered the hospital, 
Harry Kelley was released. He was to check with the doctor the next week to 
learn the results of the tests. 

Susan wanted to go with her father to the doctor's office, but he wouldn't 
allow it. 

"I think Dad suspected the worst and didn't want me around when the doctor 
told him," Susan related. "His appointment with the doctor was for ten 
o'clock on his day off. That morning, Dad was up by six-fifteen. I could 
tell he was really worried. He was very shaky. He didn't want any breakfast 
or any food of any type except a few cups of coffee. All Dad could do was 
pace the floor and worry. At about rune-thirty he left the house for the 
doctor's office." 

It seemed to Susan that Harry was gone an awfully long time. She had thought 
that he would be home for lunch, so she prepared some food at about noon. 
But he didn't show up to eat it. 

One o'clock came and went, as did two o'clock, three o'clock, and four 
o'clock. Daytime disappeared and it was well into evening when Harry Kelley 
came back to the house. 

He walked in the front door, took off his light-weight jacket, but said 
nothing. He had bought a newspaper on the way home, and now he sat down to 
read it Susan didn't disturb him for more than an hour. 

At about seven-thirty she asked him if he wanted anything to eat He replied 
negatively. 

Susan could wait no longer to ask her father what the doctor had told him. 
As she asked the question, Harry slowly lowered the newspaper. 

"I took a long walk this afternoon," Harry said to his daughter. "I was 
trying to find the words with which to tell you-and I'm still looking for 
them. So I guess the best thing is just to tell you straight out" 

Harry Kelley laid the newspaper on the floor and looked straight at Susan, 
who sat directly opposite him. 

"You're a big girl now, Susan," he began, "so I don't need to fool around 
with fancy wording. You can take it, probably better than I can." 

There was a pause as Harry lowered his head then raised it again so that his 
eyes met Susan's. 

"The doctor says I've got cancer of the stomach." 

Harry Kelley was silent for a moment in order to let those words sink in. 

"He said there was no use kidding me along. The doctor says it's best to 
know if you've got something like this. You can put your affairs in order if 
you know how much time...." 

Harry didn't finish the sentence. Susan was shaking her head "no" as though 
this might change things. 

"The doctor says I've got a pretty advanced case of it," continued Harry. 
"He said the bad pain will begin very soon, so he gave me some pills for it. 
He thinks I have maybe another three or four months. I...." 

Harry Kelley could not go on. The tears had come to the eyes of both father 
and daughter. Neither could speak. Susan fell at her father's knees and 
cried. He petted her head and tried to console her. In a few minutes the 
crying was over, though Susan remained at her father's knees. 

"It doesn't seem fair, does it?" said Harry. "We were separated for so long, 
and as soon as we find each other-this! But that's life, Susan." 

The couple were silent for a moment. 

"I haven't had such a bad life," Harry reminisced. "Oh, there have been bad 
times, to be sure. But all in all, it hasn't been so bad. I never made a lot 
of money and we never lived in a fancy house, but we sure were never 
poverty-stricken. Your mom and I didn't get along sometimes. Alice eloped. I 
had that trouble with the police about those little girls. Well, baby, those 
things I could stand. There's only one thing in my life that ever made me 
mad-only one real bad unfairness. And that's Alvin Moss. What he did to me! 
He's the one responsible for the trouble we've had the last five years. That 
blackmailer! He made me leave everything I'd built up in life. I know life 
couldn't have been easy for you and your mother after I left. He's the one 
responsible for that! He's responsible for my ... my sickness. If I'd been 
home where I could have had June looking after me; well, I wouldn't have 
come down with this ... this illness. I was so worried ... that's what did 
it! I didn't eat right for a long time. That's what caused it, I'm sure!" 

Harry arose from his chair and began to pace the floor while Susan remained 
on the floor looking at him. 

"Damn that young squirt! Damn you, Alvin Moss! You're the cause of this, you 
ambitious bastard!" 

Harry Kelley was worked up into a full lather over Alvin Moss. Harry 
clenched his fists and pounded them together as he walked the floor. 

"If only Moss hadn't found out!" lamented Harry. "If only he hadn't 
blackmailed me into giving up my job and leaving Seville! Many a night I've 
lain awake thinking what I'd do to that man if I had the chance-and the 
courage. God only knows how many Other people he'll blackmail before he's 
through. Alvin Moss is a guy who needs to be stopped!" 

Harry stopped pacing and put a fist inside his open hand. He looked right at 
Susan. 

"Moss has made us all suffer," said Harry. "I'm not excusing myself for what 
I did to those girls, but I can't excuse Moss for what he did with the 
information he got about me. He should be dealt with for that!" 

Again Harry stopped speaking as if considering what to say next. 

"While I was walking around this afternoon, I thought about him and what 
he's done to our family," Harry continued. "And I thought about what sort of 
punishment he deserves. I've thought about that before, but until now I've 
never had the courage to do anything about it. Susan, I've got the courage 
now! A man sees things a lot differently when he knows his time is almost 
up." 

The old and ill man sat down in his chair. 

"Before I die, I'm going to get Alvin Moss and make him pay for this!" 
exclaimed Harry. 'I'll have a plan within a week. Somehow ... someway ... 
I'll get him. I don't know how or where yet-but just give me the week and 
I'll think up something!" 

These words put fear into Susan's heart. She had never thought of her father 
as one who would seek revenge, no matter what injustice was done to him. She 
saw him in a different light now, however. As the next week passed, she 
wondered just what the dying man's revenge would be. 

It was the following Sunday evening before Harry spoke of his revenge again. 

He walked from the bedroom into the living room where Susan sat and 
announced, "I'm going to kill Alvin Moss. He killed me and made you suffer. 
Killing is a fit punishment!" 

"I was shocked by that statement," Susan told me. "I never thought of Dad as 
a ... a murderer! But I could tell from the look in his eyes that he meant 
it. This was no joke to him. I knew he'd carry out his plan." 

A week later Harry Kelley out-lined his plan to Susan. Alvin Moss still 
worked for Seville Manufacturing, where he was now a vice president. Harry 
planned to kidnap Moss and bring him to the house in Rushing Falls, and 
there execute him for his crime against the Kelleys. 

To carry out this plan, Harry and Susan would have to "case" Moss's 
movements for a week or so, in order that they would know when he left the 
plant, how many people would be around, where the best place to kidnap him 
would be. 

Since Harry Kelley knew he was going to die within a few months, he had no 
qualms about quitting his job at Hammond Plastics Company so that he could 
devote full time to his punishment of Alvin Moss. 

Perhaps we should stop here and consider again the mind of Harry Kelley as 
he stands close to the end of his earthly life. We must recall that Harry 
Kelley is a man possessed-possessed by the need to have someone love and 
need him. He needs to be worshipped. For this reason, we recall, he had done 
everything he knew how to do to make his daughters love and adore him. With 
his oldest daughter, Alice, he had failed, and was depressed by it. We may 
never exactly know why he failed, since Alice has not been located so that 
we might interview her. All we may say is that Alice eloped, apparently to 
get away from her home life. With Susan, we know Harry succeeded to a great 
extent, for up until she was brutaly raped, Susan tried to "preserve" 
herself so as to be worthy of her father, whom she hoped would return to her 
someday. 

But that was not to be-Alvin Moss had seen to that! In what we must consider 
to be an attempt to protect his family (and himself) from public 
embarrassment, Harry Kelley had decided to leave town in hopes that either 
Moss would keep his mouth shut (which he apparently did) or that if word got 
out about Harry's trouble with the police, at least he wouldn't be in town 
to hear about it, and the town would have pity on his wife and daughter. 

On leaving Seville, Harry had, to a great extent, reconciled himself to a 
lonely old age, plugging along as best he could, content with only the 
memory of his past happy life. While revenge against Alvin Moss was on his 
mind (or so he told Susan), he apparently had no intention of carrying it 
out. But suddenly his world was shaken by the discovery of Susan in Rushing 
Falls. This changed his plans for the remainder of his days. Harry must have 
reasoned that Moss, indirectly at least, had something to do with Susan 
running away from home. Possibly it was at this point that he began to 
formulate a plan of action against Alvin Moss. And then Harry found he was 
dying of stomach cancer. This pushed him over the line as far as taking 
action against Alvin Moss was concerned. In Harry's mind, not only had Moss 
caused him to leave Seville, but, indirectly, had given him a fatal illness. 
Harry could stand the fact that he had deserted his family. It seems to me 
that he pictured this as his punishment for the molesting of the three 
girls. But he could not stand dying due to the blackmail by Alvin Moss-no 
matter how indirect a connection there might be between Moss and his cancer. 

So in the end Moss must be punished for killing Harry Kelley; or so Harry 
thought. To Harry, the killing of Alvin Moss would not only be a personal 
revenge, but also a public service, since no one could tell how many other 
persons Moss might blackmail. There was no doubt of it where Harry Kelley 
was concerned-Alvin Moss must be executed! 

And what of Susan's mind on this matter? She told me that she was surprised 
and horrified over the fact that her father could commit such an act as 
murder. Yet, Susan still loved the old man and as far as she was concerned, 
whatever he did was right. She found it easy to follow his reasoning, even 
if, deep inside, she had doubts as to the wisdom of what he was doing. 

The day following Harry's announcement to Susan of what he was going to do 
with Alvin Moss, the two Kelleys set out for Seville and the Seville 
Manufacturing Company. Harry's old car didn't move very fast, so, whether 
they wanted it to be or not, the couple had a long, leisurely ride to 
Seville. On the way, Harry told Susan that he visited Seville from time to 
time since the place held so many dear memories for him. He occasionally 
drove past their home, and a few times he had even seen June through a 
window. He drove by his place of employment for iorty years and fondly 
reminisced about those years there when he had been happy in his work. He 
had even entered the plant a few times, each time disguising himself 
somewhat so as not to be recognized. He hadn't found it too difficult to 
slip past the gate guard with some other workers who didn't recognize him 
due to the sunglasses and the false mustache he wore. It was on his rare 
visits to the Seville Manufacturing plant that he kept tabs on Alvin Moss 
and Moss's rise to a vice presidency. 

Harry parked his car in the Seville Manufacturing Company's parking lot 
directly across from the main gate. It was nearly four o'clock when the 
Kelleys arrived at the factory. They waited for Alvin Moss to emerge. 

Finally Harry spotted Moss. The father pointed out the hated man to his 
daughter. Moss, she saw, was a tall, thin man, very well dressed and with a 
very business-like air about him. His walk was brisk and purposeful. He 
seemed to be a handsome fellow who was greying slightly at the temples. 

Moss got into his expensive, new car which was parked just outside the main 
gate in a small parking lot reserved for major executives. Harry pulled out 
of the employees' parking lot as Moss pulled out of his parking lot. All the 
way to Moss's expensive suburban home, Harry followed him, leaving a block 
or so between himself and Moss. 

The next day the Kelleys did the same thing, checking the route to see where 
would be the most likely spot to stop Moss's car and take him. (There were 
too many people coming out of the factory when Moss did for them to kidnap 
him there.) 

On Wednesday, the Kelleys showed up in Seville several hours earlier than on 
the previous two days. Susan had told her father that she wanted to walk 
around Seville by herself for an hour or so since she had not visited the 
place in nearly a year. Harry had been reluctant to agree, but agree he did. 
Susan had assured the old man that it was un-likely that she would rim into 
anyone who would know her, since her acquaintances would be in school, 
completing their senior year. In spite of this, Harry demanded that Susan 
wear dark glasses and a trench coat which would hide most of her features. 

All young Susan wanted to do was to walk around Seville, the town which had 
been her home for sixteen years. The factory was near the downtown area, so 
Susan decided to head that way to see again the shops and sights which had 
been familiar to her when she lived in Seville. 

At this hour of the day, there was little activity in the downtown area. 
Susan saw a few customers in the stores, a little traffic in the streets. It 
gave the girl a warm feeling to again walk the streets which she had at one 
time associated with a happy home life. 

It was a rather gloomy Wednesday and Susan saw little reason to keep the 
sunglasses on. She took them off in order to see the town a little better. 
She stood looking in the window of a dress shop where she and her father had 
purchased some items when she saw in the window glass the reflection of a 
woman standing behind her. The reflection looked all too familiar. 

"Mother!" said Susan as she wheeled around and confronted the woman. Susan 
clasped a hand over her mouth. She hadn't meant to say anything that would 
give her away. Now it was too late. 

As she thought it was, the reflection turned out to be June Kelley, mother 
of the runaway girl. Mrs. Kelley advanced on her daughter and forced a smile 
at her. 

"Is-is there someplace we can talk?" asked June Kelley of her daughter. 

"I guess so," answered Susan, and motioned toward a small restaurant a 
couple of doors away. 

Without speaking, the two generations of women went to the restaurant and 
took a booth far back in the dining room. They ordered hot chocolate. 

"Are you in town for long?" asked June Kelley, as if her daughter were some 
casual acquaintance whom she hadn't seen in some time. 

"No, not for long," replied Susan casually. 

"I was hoping you'd drop back someday," said Mrs. Kelley nervously. "I hoped 
you wouldn't stay away forever. You don't have to tell me why you left home 
if you don't want to. I was unhappy about it, but I know that home wasn't 
the most pleasant place...." 

"It was just something I had to do," said Susan. 

"Are you living someplace near?" 

"No, not too near Seville. I got a job in another town and I'm happy there." 

"I'm glad you're happy," commented June. "I can't say I was happy when you 
left, but, well, I can't say it was unexpected. I know living like we did 
was hard on you. Not too much money, and so on." 

Susan didn't really have much to say to her mother. In fact, she was hoping 
not to see her. Now she hoped her mother would not prolong their 
conversation. Yet, Susan felt an urge to tell her mother about Harry's 
condition. After all, her mother was Harry's wife. 

"If I may ask, what town are you living in?" inquired June Kelley. 

"In Rushing Falls," answered Susan. 

"Now that you've taken off on your own, maybe I can tell you-your father's 
alive and living in Rushing Falls," June said to her daughter in a 
matter-of-fact tone. "Of course, I don't know if he's still there, but 
that's where he went when he left us. Maybe you'd like to hear the story of 
that someday. Naturally, the chances that you'd run into him are very 
slight...." 

"Oh, but I did run into him!" exclaimed Susan, without thinking what she was 
saying. 

"You did!" 

"Yes. I-I know about why Dad left Seville. He told me about it." 

"Oh. Well, that's all for the best," said June Kelley. "I was going to tell 
you myself as soon as you'd graduated from high school. I thought you'd be 
old enough to understand something like that then." 

Susan was silent and thought for a moment. 

"There's something I ought to tell you," she said to her mother, as a sort 
of spirit of compassion overcame the girl. "Dad found out a couple of weeks 
ago that-that he's got cancer." 

A shocked look came over Mrs. Kelley's face. 

"You being his wife and all, I think I should tell you," Susan continued. 
"He's only got a few months to live, or so the doctor told him. In fact, 
that's partly the reason we're in Seville. Before he dies, Dad wants to 
settle with that Alvin Moss, the man who blackmailed him into leaving 
Seville." 

"What do you mean, settle with Alvin Moss?" 

Susan hesitated, not really knowing if she should tell her mother about the 
plot to kill Moss. But Susan trusted her mother, and at that moment felt her 
mother might actually be happy to learn that Harry was going to deal in a 
drastic way with the man he felt had ruined the final years of his life. 

"Dad's going to kill Alvin Moss." 

June Kelley looked at her daughter in horrified disbelief. 

"Good God! You aren't serious about that, are you?" 

"Why, yes," said Susan. "I'm sure Dad's serious. I know that sounds 
terrible, but Dad says it's the only solution to what someone like Moss 
does. Blackmailing, you know." 

"And what do you have to do with this?" 

"I'm helping him. We're tracking Moss now to find cut where's the best place 
to kidnap him and take him to Rushing Falls. The home Dad rents in Rushing 
Falls is the place where he's going to do it." 

"For God's sake, Susan, don't you know what you're doing? Don't you know 
what the penalty for murder is?" 

"Well...." 

"Don't well me!" said June Kelley. "You've got to get out of this before you 
wind up in trouble you'll never get out of. Susan, come back and live with 
me! Get away from Harry! Let him carry out his own murderous plans!" 

"I can't leave him," pleaded Susan. "He needs my help." 

"Undoubtedly he does!" said June in a sarcastic tone. "But seriously, you 
can't go along with him on this if he really means to carry out some plan to 
murder someone." 

At this, Susan became angry with her mother. 

Harry's brainwashing to make the girl loyal to himself was still working. 

"He needs to do this," said Susan. "He's only righting a wrong. And I'm his 
daughter, whose help he needs. I intend to give it to him!" 

Mrs. Kelley saw her daughter's determination. Her tone softened as she spoke 
to her daughter again. 

"Do you think you have to help Harry Kelley just because he's your father?" 
asked June Kelley. 

"Well, yes!" 

"And because he's your father and, in your eyes, has suffered so much, you 
think you need to help him, no matter what?" 

"Yes, I guess that's it." 

June Kelley fingered her coffee cup, deciding what to nay next. 

"I'm going to tell you something, Susan, and I hope it'll change your mind 
about helping Harry in this crime," said Mrs. June Kelley. "You see, Susan, 
your Dad and I-we sometimes had rough going. It's like that in any marriage. 
We didn't always love each other. In fact, sometimes I hated that man." 

"Dad told me that," interjected Susan. "He said you two hadn't always gotten 
on well." 

"Well, my dear, I'll tell you something about our not getting on well that 
even he doesn't know," continued Mrs. Kelley. "You see, a few of those times 
when we weren't getting along so well, I-I turned to other men for love. I'm 
not going to excuse that on my part, but, when you get right down to it, it 
was Harry's fault. If he'd paid some attention to me-if he hadn't always 
been fooling around with Alice or you-things might have been different. But, 
no. He'd just used my body to produce you two. Then he spent all his time 
trying to make you two love him forever. He wanted to be your master in 
every sense! But a wife needs some love and attention sometimes. You'll find 
that out if you ever get married, Susan! 

"I took the lack of love and attention for a long time. After all, my life 
with Harry was a lot better than my mother's life with her husband had been. 
But finally it caught up with me. I needed love. And right down the street 
was a man who was willing-yes, even anxious to give it to me. He was a man 
who worked the night shift at one of the factories in Seville. His wife 
worked days as a secretary at City Hall. It happened that one day we struck 
up a conversation and from there it was only a short step to love. Within a 
month after we met, he was taking me to bed. About three months later I 
found that I was pregnant. 

"I told my lover about it, and he was plenty frightened. Neither of us had 
even considered the possibility that that might happen. We were scared, not 
knowing what to do. But we hit on the only sensible solution we let Harry 
believe that he was the one who had made me pregnant. You, Susan, are the 
child of that pregnancy. Harry Kelley isn't your father!" 

June Kelley fell silent in order to let her confession of sexual 
transgression sink in. Susan had a shocked look on her face. 

"It can't be true!" said Susan. 

"I'm afraid it is," said June Kelley calmly. "I was never going to reveal 
that secret-never!-but if it saves you from joining Harry in the murder of a 
man, it's worth it." 

"I just couldn't believe it," Susan told me. "It was so unreal, like some 
sort of nightmare. I felt destroyed. Here the man I'd loved for so long as 
my own father turns out to be ... well, not my father. I think that was the 
greatest shock of my life-finding out that Harry Kelley wasn't my Dad." 

"Now that you understand about not being Harry's daughter, you don't need to 
join him in his crime," Mrs. Kelley said to her daughter, as though she 
believed her confession had turned her daughter against Harry Kelley. 

"He always thought of himself as my dad, didn't he?" said Susan. 

"Yes, I'm sure he did." 

"As far as I'm concerned, he was and is my father!" declared Susan. "He's a 
dying man who's always loved me as if I was really his blood and flesh. Why 
shouldn't I treat him as if he really was my father? He's always thought of 
me as his daughter!" 

Susan angrily arose and walked out of the restaurant, leaving her mother to 
look on as she walked away. 

"For a moment I thought about telling Dad that Mom had had an affair with 
another man, but then I thought that that sort of information wouldn't do a 
dying man any good," Susan told me. "It would be better to let him die 
thinking his wife had always been true to him. Dad had done a lot for both 
Mom and myself-he didn't deserve the pain of knowing his wife hadn't always 
loved him, just as he didn't deserve the pain of knowing I had let men use 
my body." 

By the time Susan got back to her "father" at the Seville Manufacturing 
Company's parking lot, it was nearly time to tail Alvin Moss again. 

As he had on the days previous, Moss took the same route to his suburban 
home. After following him there, a smile crossed Harry Kelley's face. 

"The same route every time," said Harry with a smile. "Same time out of the 
factory, same time to drive to his home. No variation. I suppose I should 
follow him for a coupla weeks, but time's against that. So baby, tomorrow we 
grab him!" 

Harry planned to force Moss's car to the side of the road as he drove down a 
nearly deserted stretch of road between Seville and the "bedroom community" 
where he lived. Moss would be taken from his car at gun-point (Harry had 
purchased a pistol in a Rushing Falls pawn shop) and taken to Harry Kelley's 
house in Rushing Falls, there to pay for his blackmail. 

"I was beside myself with fright when I heard about Harry's plan to kill 
this Moss man," Mrs. June Kelley told me when I interviewed her. "Of course, 
I had hoped to talk Susan out of joining Harry in this murder, but I 
couldn't. She was too devoted to Harry, even though he wasn't her real 
father. 

"After Susan left me, I just didn't know what to do. At first I thought I 
should call the police and have them stop Harry, or at least warn Mr. Moss. 
But then I thought that maybe I shouldn't interfere. Susan was old enough to 
make hero wn decisions. She'd left home because she couldn't stand it-and 
me-any longer. If she wanted to get involved in a crazy murder, let her! 
That's what I thought all Wednesday night. In fact, I thought that most of 
Thursday too. And then I came to my senses. I felt it was my duty as a 
mother to protect my daughter. I didn't want to see Susan involved in 
something she'd pay for the rest of her life! Over and above that, I had a 
civic duty to stop this crime if I could, regardless of how much this Mr. 
Moss might have deserved the punishment my husband wanted to hand out to 
him. At five o'clock that Thursday I called the Seville police and told them 
what I knew." 

All Mrs. Kelley knew, of course, was that her husband planned to kidnap 
Alvin Moss and take him to Rushing Falls for the purpose of murdering him. 
No time or date had been mentioned to Mrs. Kelley so that she could 
pin-point for police just when this was supposed to happen. The Seville 
police were interested in her report, but apparently put it in the category 
of a crank call. They were forever getting phone calls about possible 
murders, most of which didn't happen. They didn't move particularly fast on 
this call. 

It was fully six o'clock that evening by the time a police crew drove to 
Seville Manufacturing to ask Alvin Moss just what he thought about the call 
from June Kelley. By that hour, Alvin Moss had been gone for nearly an hour, 
so the police crew drove-at a leisurely speed-to his home, some eight miles 
to the east. 

The police would find that he had not yet arrived home. Sometime just before 
five-thirty that evening, Mr. Moss's shiny luxury car was forced into a 
drainage ditch on a lonely stretch of road between his place of employment 
and his home. At gun-point, he bad been forced from his car into the old car 
which had caused him to run off the road. 

"We didn't say anything to him," Susan told me in describing the kidnaping 
of Alvin Moss. "Dad just pointed the gun at him. Moss understood. He got out 
of his car and into Dad's. Mr. Moss had a very scared look on his face. He 
asked if this was a robbery. Dad said no. Dad handed the gun to me, and Mr. 
Moss and I sat in the back seat as Dad drove to Rushing Falls. 

"We got to Dad's place in Rushing Falls about six-thirty. We took Moss into 
the living room and sat him in a straight-back chair. Dad tied his hands 
behind him. Suddenly Dad had one of his severe pains and had to go to the 
bedroom and take a pill and lie down for a while. I sat in the living room 
with Mr. Moss and held the gun on him. Mr. Moss asked why he had been 
brought here. I told him Dad would explain it later. I could see that he was 
scared. 

"About thirty minutes later, Dad came out of the bedroom. He looked quite 
pale, but he was determined that this chance to punish Moss would not pass." 

"Do you recognize me, Alvin?" Harry Kelley asked his prisoner. "No," replied 
Alvin Moss. 

"You should, you bastard!" declared Harry. "You're the reason I've led such 
a miserable life for the last five and a half years. I'm Harry Kelley. Now 
do you recognize me?" 

"The name is familiar, but-but you don't look like I remember you," said 
Alvin Moss. 

"I jolly well should think I don't look the same. I've suffered a lot these 
last five years, and it's all because of you. You blackmailed me into 
leaving a good job at Seville Manufacturing. You blackmailed me into leaving 
the whole town of Seville! It's been a hard five years, Alvin." 

"I remember," said Alvin Moss. "We had a disagreement about a job 
promotion...." 

"Disagreement!" exclaimed Harry as he coughed. "It was a little more than a 
simple disagreement, and I think you remember it. You threatened to expose 
my past to everyone in Seville if I didn't tell management I didn't want 
that job promotion. You wanted it for yourself, you selfish bastard! And 
because of that threat, you ruined my life-everything in my life!" 

"What are you going to do to me, Kelley!" asked Alvin Moss. 

"Do? I'm going to make you pay for these five and a half years of 
misery-that's what I'm going to do!" 

An expression of fear crossed Moss's face. 

Harry Kelley went into the kitchen and then returned to the living room with 
a butcher knife. 

"And here's the instrument that's going to make you pay for what you did to 
me, you son of a bitch!" shouted Harry. 

Susan remembers the horror that showed on Moss's face as Harry flashed the 
knife in front of him. Susan remembers the look of satisfaction, the fire in 
his eyes, as Harry raised the knife above his head and brought it down 
across the face of Alvin Moss. That's all Susan remembers of the execution 
of Mr. Moss, for as the blood squirted from Moss's face, she fainted to the 
floor. 

When the Seville police failed to find Alvin Moss at his home at a time when 
his wife said he was usually home, they began to suspect that Mrs. Kelley's 
call to them was no crank call. For the first time, they were worried that a 
murder might be in progress. 

Quickly they radioed headquarters of Alvin Moss's disappearance, and 
headquarters phoned the Rushing Falls Police Department. Alerted to the 
possibility that a murder was being committed in their city, the Rushing 
Falls police looked up Harry Kelley in their phone book. It seems that Harry 
had not adopted a pseudonym, so his address and telephone number were listed 
in the phone book. 

Two Rushing Falls policemen were immediately dispatched to the run-down 
house Harry Kelley rented. As they approached it, they could see a dim light 
in the living room, indicating someone was home. Cautiously, the two 
policemen approached the front door. One policeman knocked on the door. 
There was no sound from within, so the policeman tried the door. He found it 
unlocked. Opening it, he stuck his head inside and mechanically said, 
"Anyone home?" 

A split second later he spotted the grizzly spectacle. Susan was lying on 
the floor. Harry Kelley was on the floor near her, apparently unconscious. 
Alvin Moss was still in the straight-back chair, his hands still tied behind 
him. Harry had done quite a job on his hated enemy-the man he felt was 
responsible for five and a half years of loneliness and misery. Moss's face 
bad been slashed, as had most other parts of his body. The man's fingers bad 
been cut off. His pants had been ripped open, and, in a meaningful, symbolic 
move, the penis of Alvin Moss had been hacked from its proper place on his 
anatomy. 

The terrifying spectacle was enough to make the policemen nearly loose their 
cookies, but they radioed for help. Then they made out their report on the 
execution of Alvin Moss. 

The murder was as grizzly a thing as had happened in Rushing Falls in 
decades, and so the newspaper took proper note of the event. 

Harry and Susan Kelley were revived at the local hospital, and given medical 
attention. At once they were booked on a first-degree murder charge. As soon 
as the defendants came before the judge, they were put into Northfield State 
Hospital for psychiatric observation, considering the viciousness of the 
crime. 

And here is where I met them. Here is where I finally got the story from 
Susan Kelley, the seventeen-year-old accomplice of Harry Kelley. Here is 
where I interviewed Susan's mother, along with certain police officers. Here 
is where I read police and other reports about the murder. And it is from 
here that I report the case and certain of its ramifications to you, the 
reader. 

Actions and reactions. 

A girl like Susan Kelley may never be able to lead an entirely normal life. 
Who could, after what she'd been through? After the brainwashing, the 
disappointments, the assaults on her body by hordes of men, the shocks and 
traumas of her young life, why shouldn't he have an adverse, abnormal 
reaction to the world? It would be a miracle if she didn't! 

And what will Susan's actions be in the world? It is far too soon to tell in 
terms of something she had actually done, but we can speculate. Li one 
sense, her de facto father's confession of his assaults on three little 
girls and his murder of Alvin Moss showed Susan that Harry Kelley wasn't 
such a great guy after all. It gave her a more real view of the man, and 
maybe of men in general. Yet, even though she had now taken her father off 
his self-constructed pedestal, he continues to be a sort of off-beat ideal 
for her. 

"He was my Dad; he acted like my Dad, and he thought of himself as my Dad," 
Susan commented to me. "I owe him what any child owes his Dad. Love. He did 
what he thought was right for me. No, he wasn't any saint, but then most 
people aren't. He tried to be good; to do what was right. Sure, he did a lot 
of things wrong. The doctors here and you, Mr. Fargo, made me see that he 
did a lot of bad things, but, not matter what light you put it in, he always 
tried to do what he thought was the right thing!" 

As I said, Susan has a more realistic view of Harry, but she still idealizes 
him. Although we got her to understand that Harry was probably mentally ill 
(to some extent, at least), and that he had abnormal sexual urges, Susan 
still defends his right to having used her body the way he did. To Susan, it 
was normal-it was "fatherly"-for Harry Kelley to caress her genitals and 
kiss her between the legs. Later on, it seemed (and to her still seems) 
proper for Harry to have her manipulate his penis and lay his male organ on 
her genitals. Harry Kelley had brainwashed the youngster into accepting this 
as normal. He bad set himself up in such a way as to be one who could do no 
wrong and one from whom all goodness and rewards were forthcoming. 

And this is the way Susan will probably always think of Harry Kelley-as a 
man who was basically good and loving, in spite of whatever crimes he may 
have committed. No matter bow much the staff at Northfield tried to show her 
what an abnormal person he was, Susan always came back to the idea that 
Harry at least tried to do the "right" thing. To her, Harry Kelley will 
always be her first and primary love. Harry Kelley's brainwashing continues 
to be effective!! 

So what of the future? Naturally, this is hard to predict. In an agreement 
between the county prosecutor, police, Northfield Hospital officials, and a 
county criminal court judge, it was decided to place Susan Kelley on 
probation until she is twenty-one, and release her in the custody of her 
mother. Susan was ordered back to Seville High School to complete her formal 
education. 

No doubt she will again have dreams about her father. Whether the dreams 
will be happy, sad, sexual, or terrifying, only time will tell. Once she 
escaped from Seville, Susan stopped her practice of masturbation, due, in 
part at least, to he fact that she took up prostitution. It is now probable 
that she will start this practice again. (It should be pointed out that the 
practice of masturbation has never been found to be harmful. However, it is 
sometimes-as in the case of Susan-a sign of an emotional problem.) 

There is a question about what her future relations with males will be. We 
must remember that at one time she rejected males (and females as well)' 
because she was waiting for her father's return. She could not accept a 
friendship he did not approve of first. It is possible she could go back to 
this mode of operation again, though it is also possible that she will be 
able to accept people on her own, now that her father has an altered place 
in her thinking. We may also wonder what Susan will do sexually where males 
are concerned. Certainly she now knows that men like sex, and she may see 
the granting of sexual favors as a way to win friendships. The Northfield 
staff was careful to point out to her that promiscuity was both wrong and 
dangerous. But she has used it before to solve problems, and may well use it 
again. If for some reason Susan once more decides to escape from Seville, 
almost certainly she will use sex to support herself for some time. It must 
be remembered that, according to her story, prostitution never worked a 
hardship on her. She accepted it, even though she didn't particularly like 
it. (She is no longer saving her virginity for her father so that he will 
love and approve of her!) Considering all the sexual experience this girl 
has had, she may never be able to accept "normal" concepts of sex. Her 
future in this area is something to be watched! 

Speaking of things to be watched, it must be remembered that Mrs. June 
Kelley at one time wanted to palm Susan off on Tom Kinnic. What is to 
prevent her from trying this again? It could be that June Kelley thinks of 
an early marriage as a way of solving Susan's personal problems-or as a way 
of solving her problems. After my interview with Mrs. Kelley, I have no 
doubt that the woman loves her daughter, but Susan has presented quite a 
problem to her-both financially and personally. One way Mrs. Kelley may show 
her love for Susan is to try to get her married off at the earliest possible 
moment with the feeling that Susan would simply be better off with a man to 
support her. This, of course, is not necessarily true. Marriage to simply 
anybody is certainly no answer for either Susan or Mrs. Kelley. Marriage 
could be the most miserable thing possible for Susan if she doesn't wind up 
with a man who understands her. The "wrong" man could force her back into a 
promiscuous life, and possibly back to her mother's arms. 

One wonders what would have happened to Susan if Harry hadn't placed his 
hand between her legs to bind her heart and mind to him the way he did. 
Might a return to what most people consider a normal life have been easier 
for her if the man she considered to be her father hadn't been the first one 
to use her sexually? Most certainly so! When the man she loved and respected 
gave the abnormal use of the child's body his blessing by doing what he did, 
he gave her a psychological image of what sex was about, even though while 
he was doing what he did he never mentioned the word sex. In other words, 
without using language, Harry Kelley made Susan make a connection between 
sex and the approval of someone she loved. Only after her rape did she 
connect a baser concept of sex with men. Therefore, where the future is 
concerned, it is entirely possible that Susan will use her sexual attributes 
to try to win a man to replace in her heart the place Harry Kelley once 
held. (I should point out again, however, that it is also possible that 
Susan will use sex as a means to economically and physically separate 
herself from her mother and Seville-if her mind again turns to thoughts of 
escape from the past) 

As for Harry Kelley, we no longer need to worry about his future. Soon after 
he was taken to the hospital from the murder scene he lapsed into a coma 
from which he never recovered. He died one week after he murdered Alvin 
Moss. 

He is dead and buried now, but his influence lingers on. Mrs. June Kelley 
will find it hard to forgive him for what he has caused her to go through, 
both financially and with Susan. And as for Susan, as we have seen, he 
continues to be an all too pervasive influence. It would be best if Susan 
could forget him, but-as of the moment, at least-she can not 


THE END
